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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:

Dadstheworld · 14/12/2016 10:49

YANBU

My OH is working this year, She volunteered as she had the last couple off.

We're having Christmas a day early. It makes very little difference. If anything it means most of the family will have cleared off by Christmas day so I can chill with the boys.

Original poster

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:49

I dont see it as serious enough to bother my manager who is actually one of my best friends lol. I understand it's worth asking as they are desperate to be off. Think I'm used to this scenario working in that environment for so long. Ive got a thick skin now. I definitely won't be swopping and I'll be telling anyone who asks

OP posts:

ILoveDolly · 14/12/2016 10:53

Having kids does not give anyone the right to 'deserve' Christmas more than you. Take it off and enjoy it. It's your turn!

blankmind · 14/12/2016 10:53

Just tell them all how many times you have worked xmas day and see how many of them can say they have done anywhere near that.

BadKnee · 14/12/2016 10:55

I used to have it pre-kids during the summer. Single people never ever got a holiday during the school holidays. It really wasn't fair.

It changed eventually thank goodness and the system is fairer.

Good for you OP.

TheNaze73 · 14/12/2016 10:57

YANBU. Entitled people with children, do my head in

hoddtastic · 14/12/2016 11:01

i'd probably do the half shift thing to be honest. it's only a few hours.

I do a voluntary thing on Xmas morning, every Xmas, it's part of Xmas for my kids to come along with it, they realise it's important to us to share the good vibes on Xmas morning just cos it's nice to be nice.

Mungobungo · 14/12/2016 11:02

YANBU. It really boils my piss when people with kids think that they have more right to Xmas off than those who don't. It was their choice to become parents and their choice to take a job in a sector where you have to work over bank holidays.
Most years it's been your choice to forego your allocated time off so that one of them can spend it with their family. This year it's your choice to have your own Xmas off with your family. They have to stick it or leave.

Ignore the entitled bastards. At the end of the day, it's only one day and if it means so bloody much to them, they can 'do' Xmas day and 'see their little faces' on another day can't they?
In reality, the kids will wake them up at stupid o clock, open presents like tornados, play with nothing and be bored and grumpy by breakfast time. Don't be swayed by what other people have imagined their xmases to be like. It's all balls in the end anyway, so spend it with those you love, eat rich food and drink nice wine. Bah humbug!

bnotts · 14/12/2016 11:09

My Mum was a doctor so she worked 1 in 3 Christmas Days. Sometimes she was around, sometimes she wasn't. I honestly don't remember and it certainly hasn't scarred me or her.
Christmas does not just have to be about the one/two days you can have it early or late. I've got two kids now and honestly if I had to work they would be fine so many lovely distracting shiny new things.
Ignore your colleagues you have done your share and been lovely to give them so many previous opportunities. Ungrateful things.

Dozer · 14/12/2016 11:14

Hoddtastic,OP has worked all christmas day for many many years. And been unable to visit her / her H's family. She got lucky in the draw this year.

Why should she work a half day this year?

Lunde · 14/12/2016 11:16

YANBU - don't change - just tell people you are really looking forward to having Christmas off after 14 years of working Christmas

With very small children they don't even know which day is Christmas anyway - I live in a country where Santa comes on Christmas Eve - yet we always celebrated Christmas Day (DH usually working Christmas Eve) and the kids never knew

user1470997562 · 14/12/2016 11:17

Where I used to work there were a number of people who still had school pick up friendly hours with dc who'd left home. Meaning those of us with dc at nursery/primary couldn't have them. Would they budge an inch? No.

ArcheryAnnie · 14/12/2016 11:18

YANBU. If people are whining at you about missing "family time and memories" just point out that you've missed fifteen years of family time and memories, and it's your turn now.

user1467976192 · 14/12/2016 11:19

Are the single parents going to work Valentine's Day? Where does it end?

Mulberry72 · 14/12/2016 11:19

Definitely do not swap! You're just as entitled to have your Christmas with your family as your colleagues are! You've been more than accommodating over the years OP it sounds like, so just ignore them and have a lovely Christmas

WillWorkForShoes · 14/12/2016 11:19

YANBU. Please do not swap, don't even work a little bit. It's your Christmas too.

I have children, work in the NHS and will be working on Christmas Day. It's my turn.

My mum also worked in the NHS and often worked Christmas Day - you know what - we didn't miss her that much. We opened presents before she left. We ate the 'big meal' when she got back. You work around it.

Don't be guilt-tripped.

originalusernamefail · 14/12/2016 11:19

Don't work the shift!!!!!!!!! It sounds like you work in a hospital. When does a 1pm shift EVER finish at 1pm? Growing up my dad was a paramedic, if he had the day shift on Xmas we just got up mega early (4am) to do our presents which as kids we loved! If he was on nights he'd stay up to watch before he went for a nap. Don't feel guilty, I can guarantee no one was thinking of you on all those other Xmas mornings. Next year it'll be your turn to work again. Enjoy this one - no guilt

Original poster

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 11:20

Oh thats awful about the hours! Why wouldn't they change them now they have benefited. When I started everyone used to say you'll get it paid forward once you have kids but it's just never happened for us. It is probably my own fault for volunteering every year but I realise I definitely deserve a year off for once.

OP posts:

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 14/12/2016 11:21

Yanbu my sister in law is a doctor and working this year. We've had to juggle the Christmas around this year so we can have Christmas early with them but it is just part of her job so we work around it.
Enjoy your Christmas

MrsJayy · 14/12/2016 11:22

I know you feel guilty but it really is your turn for the day off you have been kind in the past but stand firm say no I have arrangements you are entitled to a Christmas day too.

InTheDessert · 14/12/2016 11:23

I'm so glad your going to stick with your decision, and have the lovely family Christmas you have planned.
You know what? DH worked last Christmas. I jumped on a plane and took the kids to see their Grandparents. I also got to see MY grandmothers (one just a month before she died). DH is working this Christmas. We are doing the whole lot a day early. The kids are delighted that Santa us sending an elf a day early just for us. There are ways to do Christmas with a working parent and kids! It just needs some imagination rather than figurations with unchsngable traditions.
Since the 2017 holidays are already booked out, however, DH did put his foot down when the same guy wanted Christmas off for the third year in a row, and it has been agreed that is unfair. Apparently his wife is spitting feathers. I'm delighted Christmas 2017 is scheduled to be with all 3, (and hopefully 4) generations together.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 14/12/2016 11:24

I used to have it pre-kids during the summer. Single people never ever got a holiday during the school holidays. It really wasn't fair

To be honest, unless family members are teachers, I can't understand why someone without school-aged children would ever want to go away in August. Everywhere is full and it is more expensive.

Once ds is 18 I will happily revert to my pre-school-age-kids holiday times of early May and September.

haveacupoftea · 14/12/2016 11:26

YANBU. I hate this attitude some parents have, as if people who dont have children dont have a family or a life.

TheProblemOfSusan · 14/12/2016 11:30

Definitely your turn. Just keep saying "No, it isn't possible for me to swap." no reason, no excuses, just "No."

If you get persistent offenders, just add "please don't ask me again." and keep repeating like a broken record. Everyone has to take turn about with this and it's not your turn this year.

Moreisnnogedag · 14/12/2016 11:31

Agh I'd be even harder nosed about it with the constant asking. I'm lucky in that I've been rostered off this but last year was my ds2 first Christmas but I was oncall so missed it. It's just one of those things.

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