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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel guilty because I won't swap my shift on Xmas day

237 replies

Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 10:08

I work in a job where we are required 365 days a year. I'be worked there since I was 21, I'm 35 now and I work with 10 other ladies.
I'm child free so generally I didn't mind working on Xmas even when I was rostered off. This year my shift is on.
My boss usually does a dip with everyone's name as 2 people can apply to be off if staffing permits. My name was drawn and in the past I've said just stick it back in but this time I was really happy as ive recently moved an hour away from my hometown nearer work and now I can stay with my family and husband at Xmas.
I've already been asked 4 times if I'd swop with my colleagues so they can be off instead because they have kids. They are making comments about missing their child's wee faces and how they will miss important family time and memories. I know they are bitching about me behind my back and can't seem to understand that I might want some time off myself this year.
AIBU not to swop?

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 14/12/2016 11:31

Stick to your guns! What would they do if you were away for Christmas? You could be abroad/travelling, what would they do then?

Nope. I was working full time with kids and would never have the cheek to ask somebody to swap. If you were up for a swap then you'd have said at the 'dip'.

rumbelina · 14/12/2016 11:38

My dad used to work Christmas Day shifts sometimes when we were young. We just saw him later and had a fuss then. Our parents never made a big deal of it so we just accepted it. I am now a parent and would approach it the same way. STICK TO YOUR GUNS. (And have a very merry Christmas)

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 14/12/2016 11:38

DONT SWAP!!

I say this as someone with a child.
I understand why parents want to be home with their kids, I do.
I don't understand why some parents automatically believe their family memories are more important than other peoples.
Kids don't make a family.
Memories made with adult family members are just as important as those made with children. IMO.

ninjapants · 14/12/2016 11:38

Myfavouritecolourispurple I avoid taking time off in school hols usually because of the cost of going away, but next summer I have two weeks off in as my childminder (preschool age dc) is on holiday and there's little chance I'll be able to arrange alternative childcare at that time of year.
What you said is often used by those with school age kids to pressure others into giving up their hols Xmas Wink

moanyhole · 14/12/2016 11:40

YANBU and don't be so obliging in future years either.when you're rostered off take it.they've had it so good with you up to now and obviously do not appreciate it

sailawaywithme · 14/12/2016 11:41

DailyFail1 you take a fortnight off work to prepare for Christmas?

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 11:41

To be honest, unless family members are teachers, I can't understand why someone without school-aged children would ever want to go away in August. Everywhere is full and it is more expensive.

It doesn't matter what their motives are. Everyone has the same right to a personal life and once you start judging some people's as more worthy than others you get into serious problems.

MrsJayy · 14/12/2016 11:43

Dh used to work Christmas day when Dds were younger it is just one of those things if he got a swap great if not it was fine.

shovetheholly · 14/12/2016 11:49

I would push back with something like: 'I have worked Christmas day for most of the last fifteen years, out of a desire to allow others to take the time off with family. It seems that what was originally intended as an act of generosity has now become an expectation, and it is now assumed that I will always be willing to give up this day, to which I have the same right as the rest of you. I may not have children of my own, but I do have family I love and want ot be with. This year, I have plans that I'm not willing to cancel, so I'm bloody well taking my first Christmas Day in years. It's unfair to make me feel bad about this.'

Velvetdarkness · 14/12/2016 11:50

The only thing I might do is suggest that in future the shifts are all shorter with more of them so everyone works but not more than half the day. Or just a. Lear toys of who gets Christmas off rather than making it a lottery. Clearly the names in a hat thing isn't working.

Velvetdarkness · 14/12/2016 11:50

Just a rota of

Original poster
Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 11:55

We have set shifts and hours so that's not possible due to the service we work in. I think it's prob the fairest way to do a dip. The people in each shift can change during the year so it gives everyone a chance.

OP posts:
Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 14/12/2016 11:57

shovetheholly sums it up rather well, I would def send something like that if anyone else complains or whines to you about it! Enjoy your family day!

lottieandmia · 14/12/2016 11:58

YANBU - it shouldn't be down to you to work every single Christmas just because you don't have children. They sound very selfish.

Whocansay · 14/12/2016 12:00

YANBU. At all. They are incredibly selfish.

Just inform them you have made plans that you can't change.

Or tell them to fuck off.

Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you don't enjoy family time. FFS.

SignedUpAgain · 14/12/2016 12:03

Definitely do not swap - i never understood how people can not just adjust their day according to work, or other plans.
Open the presents earlier or later,
Eat the Christmas dinner earlier or later

My father worked every Christmas growing up - it was never a problem, we all worked around him, or helped him so it didn't take as long out of the day.

YelloDraw · 14/12/2016 12:08

To be honest, unless family members are teachers, I can't understand why someone without school-aged children would ever want to go away in August. Everywhere is full and it is more expensive.

Because it is hot in lots of Europe and long days. And a lot of business has a quiet patch over August because e.g. Europe basically shuts for the month, and often all the senior decision makers are all off with their children...

randomsabreuse · 14/12/2016 12:08

DH has this year off for a change. We don't request Christmas itself but do request enough days in a row to get to family.

Have no intention of going away in school holidays until we have to - too busy, too hot, too expensive...

Christmas works around his work - that's all DD will ever know - much easier!

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 14/12/2016 12:12

God you're so unreasonable, Christmas is ONLY for those with children.....nah, just kidding! I don't agree with everyone telling you to say this and that though. There was a draw, you won it, end of. Never complain, never explain. 'Explaining' yourself will sound like excusing/justifying yourself and you don't need to. Before DDs came along I worked in a company that needed staffing all over Christmas (help desk scenario) and someone had to be in the office all of Christmas Eve, on call all day Christmas Day and back in the office Boxing Day. We too had a draw (which included everyone not just helpdesk staff IYSWIM) and for years I didn't even put my name in as lots of others had DCs. The year I was heavily pregnant and they still expected me to do it (because I didn't actually yet HAVE a DC!?!?) I realised give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile. I was due to be induced on Boxing Day, the selfish fuckers!!!!! Presumably they thought I could take calls between pushes......

Original poster
Hannah4banana · 14/12/2016 12:14

Is so weird because I actually get on really well with my work mates, it's our Xmas night out in Saturday and I'm sure it will be great. There is just something about that one day that makes people go a bit crazy Confused

OP posts:
Dozer · 14/12/2016 12:15

Being mates with people at work is great, but IMO can sometimes mean people don't behave professionally!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 14/12/2016 12:16

Perhaps they go away at that time as they work in a company with a summer shut down where they are forced to have two weeks off at that time.
Hubby does and before DS came along it was bloody annoying. Even more annoying this year though as his company hasn't altered it to take into account the kids are still in school the first week.

paddypants13 · 14/12/2016 12:17

Yanbu, people with children do not have a monopoly on spending Christmas with their families. (And I say this as someone who has young children.) You have been very kind in the past. This is your Christmas to enjoy yourself.

Merry Christmas to you op! Flowers

SitsOnFence · 14/12/2016 12:26

YANBU at all! Nothing wrong with politely asking you once, but equally nothing wrong with saying no. No reason required.

My DDad worked shifts and, like others in similar situations, we just worked the day around him, or saved exchanging gifts for Christmas Eve/Boxing Day. No big deal.

When I was 14 I got a Sat/Sun morning job at a cat sanctuary. Christmas that first year fell on a weekend and I was initially horrified that I would be expected to get up at 7, cycle to the next village and work Christmas morning. My parents pointed out that I had accepted the job knowing that cats required care 365 days of the year, so I should suck it up! Your colleagues accepted their jobs in the full knowledge that Christmas working was a possibility, so it should come as no great shock to them.

PinkSwimGoggles · 14/12/2016 12:27

tbh as your colleague I would ask once if you were up for a swap but that would be it. nothing after that and no guilt tripping and passive agressive huffing.