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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To gt annoyed when people say about baby girl names...

278 replies

ChequeredPasta · 14/12/2016 08:20

...shouldn't be too 'feminine'.

I enjoy lurking on the baby names thread. It's quite a happy, joyful thread really, people who are excited choosing names for their precious baby.

But what really boils my piss is the people on there who always seem to chime in when someone mentions that they like a name such as Poppy, Felicity, etc and say 'Oh, it's a bit twee and girly. What if they want to become a high court judge?'
Shock
Since when did being a female with a female name mean you couldn't become a high court judge?! It smacks of internalised sexism to me.

It reminds me of a time that I observed a (white) colleague asking a pregnant (white) colleague what she was going to call her baby. The pregnant colleague had a black husband. She answered 'Aeshia, we think', and the colleague answered " Oh, I'm not keen on that. It's a bit 'black' isn't it?" The pregnant colleague looked nonplussed, and answered, " Well, she will be black'.

Why do seemingly normal people perpetuate this nonsense?? I presume to call my daughter 'John' in order for her to seemingly have a better chance at becoming a high court judge.

And while we are at it, IMO the only reason that people are keen for their daughters to get a traditionally 'mans' job is because they are much better paid than traditional 'womens' jobs such as nursing, carework and teaching, because female traits and work is so undervalued. You know, because a male banker brings so much more to society than a careworker Hmm.

It seems that everything feminine is so devalued. Even the way that people encourage their daughters to play with 'boys things' (science sets, trucks etc), which I obs approve of, but when it comes to dressing a boy in pink, or giving him a 'feminine' name, or encouraging them to play nurses and carers. It's like the worse thing in the world a boy do is to act in a feminine way, and now girls too should be ashamed of their female names, their 'female' way of being, and their fannies. So the answer is to wipe out femaleness, call everybody steve, and destroy anything pink.

And I say this as a female with a non 'feminine' name, a well paid professional 'mans world' job, who loved pink and desperately wanted to be called Felicity as a child.

SO Mumsnet Jury....
WIBU to call my (fictional) 2 daughters and 2 sons as follows:

Delicacy
Kindness
Humility
Femininity

And strongly encourage them (in a tiger mum fashion) to ALL become high court judges to stick two fingers up to these twunts?
Grin

OP posts:
HappyMummy08 · 14/12/2016 13:53

I have to say, I do find it quite amusing that people are saying "It's more about the parents who choose the name and their background etc". My child's name is Poppy. I am a GP and my husband is a Dentist!

I don't see her name holding her back in any way, shape or form. I went to university with a lady named Daisy and she's done extraordinarily well for herself in the medical world. Also know an Annabelle who is a fantastic barrister. Bizarre that people are so narrow minded but you can't please everyone. Just have to prove them wrong!

HeadDreamer · 14/12/2016 13:53

MrsWhiteWash my mum tried to talk me out of engineering because it's a men's field. She said it's filled with builders in hard hats doing wolf whistles. She hasn't a clue about what they do! I work in front of a computer. (I'm in software). I still get the comments from other mums, thinking computers are too hard, too men etc. It really isn't any less feminine than other jobs, and it can be very family friendly given the flexibility on location.

HeadDreamer · 14/12/2016 13:54

Unless someone thinks you need a penis to wrote software ....

MrsSpenserGregson · 14/12/2016 13:55

YANBU and I agree with you OP re the under-valuing of traditional "female" jobs.

Years ago I was in hospital and I was looked after by two male nurses named Blessing and Patience. They were from the Caribbean. They really did live up to their names; they were absolute saints and I think about them with gratitude every single day.

GinandTits · 14/12/2016 13:56

I have a boys name according to everyone I'm introduced to

OrdinaryGirl · 14/12/2016 13:56

Agree with those who have said it is really wrong that certain names have certain connotations and that this affects the treatment of children (and later, adults) with those names.

It's pretty much a given that, of course, little Daisy-Mae shudders should be able to grow up to be whatever she wants. Of course she should!

BUT, we don't live in a social vacuum.

Given that there ARE large sections of society that will draw unfavourable conclusions from a name, you have the option to stick out your bottom lip and say you don't care, thereby throwing your child under the proverbial bus and saddling them with a name that has negative implications for the whole of their life, forcing them to constantly battle stereotypes which is exhausting.

OR, you can pick a name that is similar to the one you liked but not quite so negatively perceived, and seek to batter down prejudice and unfair discrimination in other ways. Ways that perhaps will affect YOU rather than your child.

It does bother me when children end up suffering for their parents' trenchant beliefs and causes like I did

I speak as someone who really wanted to name a daughter Hero (Shakespeare & Greek tragedy), and my DH put his foot down and said it wouldn't be fair to her. He was probably right. In the end we had 3 boys, one of whom has a Classical Greek name that DH chose Hmm

ANYWAY. I just think that, as much as we might want to stamp our collective feet about it, it's not we as parents who have to live with a naming decision made in the full knowledge that the name we chose is seen as twee / infantile / cutesy-wutesy.

Won't somebody please think of the children? Grin

FWIW, OP, I do also think that names can be wonderfully feminine without being cutesy or sounding like diminutives or pet names. I have a family member named Felicity (which I think is feminine and not cutesy) who is a real force of nature, v clever and accomplished.

GinandTits · 14/12/2016 13:57

I'm a Jamie! Why will my name be unsuitable when I'm 70?!

MikeUniformMike · 14/12/2016 14:01

What do you think of this little girl's name?
themummystylist.com/2016/10/19/baby-honey-nut-3-months-update/

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 14/12/2016 14:02

As said upthread, it's not just girls' names which can be cutesy either.

Teddy, Buddy, Bobby, Albie, Benny, Freddie, Sonny & the like - all fine for little boys but adults? Several degrees worse when they end in -ie instead of -y.

Vixxfacee · 14/12/2016 14:06

Her real name is Lily not Honey Nut.

MikeUniformMike · 14/12/2016 14:10

Oh didn't see that bit. Both are cute.
Lily is pretty but Lil is awful.

user1480946351 · 14/12/2016 14:19

I have to say, I do find it quite amusing that people are saying "It's more about the parents who choose the name and their background etc". My child's name is Poppy. I am a GP and my husband is a Dentist!

What is amusing about that? Poppy is a very middle class name, it fits fine with that background. As for Annabelle, the sloany moneyed name, being a lawyer? Why wouldn't she be?

You may be amused but you haven't actually understood the point being made.

user1480946351 · 14/12/2016 14:26

It would be interesting to find out what all the female high court judges are called.

They are called Susan, Vivian, Ingrid, Sarah, Lucy, Anna. All perfectly normal names (for middle class and upper families which they likely come from).

I think some people are confusing the way they'd like the world to be with how the world actually is.

Lunar1 · 14/12/2016 14:30

5more, I get what you mean. I didn't deliberately chose typical male professions and I do get that it's not usual. It's just normal to my life and it's easy to forget that it's not universally typical.

HappyMummy08 · 14/12/2016 14:31

Perhaps I didn't understand the poke at the middle class, no! Excuse me and my middle class ignorance. What I understood is that because my child is named Poppy, she more than likely won't be a high-achiever 'career-wise' which is just ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2016 14:33

Can I share an anecdote? When my dd went to grammar school from a very mixed demographic primary, there was one girl in her year 7 group with Chardonnay-type name. Everyone else had the sort of name you see in the Times personal column.

I discovered years later that she was actually called Sophia, and had insisted in being "known as Chardonnaytypename" to annoy her mother. She is Sophia again now.

HappyMummy08 · 14/12/2016 14:33

Foureyesarebetterthantwo - I could not agree with you more!!

MrsWhiteWash · 14/12/2016 14:34

HeadDreamer - I went into the male dominated field I wanted enabled me to save a deposit for the house we bought Smile.

Then got told I was all about career and wasn't mum material Hmm- then had three kids and was a SAHM for a time.

HappyMummy08 Poppy is middle class name I think.

Not sure what it says about us but names we chose we chose suddenly got very popular just after we chose them particularly with the middle classes.

user1480946351 · 14/12/2016 14:34

What I understood is that because my child is named Poppy, she more than likely won't be a high-achiever 'career-wise' which is just ridiculous

Where did you get that from? Again, you haven't actually understood the point here.

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2016 14:36

Everybody knows we aren't talking about Poppy and Daisy. They are on the "acceptable" side of the "frilly babyish" girl's name divide. We're talking about American beauty pageant names.......

MrsWhiteWash · 14/12/2016 14:39

Perhaps I didn't understand the poke at the middle class, no

I don't think anyone is having a go at middle classes.

The suggestion is that names influence life outcomes - to some extent.

A lot of us are point out middle classes are more likely to chose certain names and perhaps it isn't the names but the class of the parents affecting outcomes and to a certain extent fuelling prejudice against certain names.

TickettyBoo · 14/12/2016 14:40

It would be wrong to judge the outcome of someone's education or career on a name and I genuinely doubt that this happens - but I won't deny that there can be an initial stereotyping on seeing a name - is Tracey likely to be from a well to do family or will it be Alexandra? We can only challenge our own preconceived ideas and maybe over time it'll change, maybe lol

MargaretCavendish · 14/12/2016 14:45

They are called Susan, Vivian, Ingrid, Sarah, Lucy, Anna. All perfectly normal names (for middle class and upper families which they likely come from).

What about Bobbie Cheema-Grubb? Surely a person called Bobbie couldn't achieve anything in life?! I'm also frankly astonished that Dames Kathryn Thirlwall and Elisabeth Laing have managed to become judges despite the dreadful disability of their names not taking the most common spelling? And as for Nerys Jefford...

Look, they (mostly) have average names for their age group. This will continue to be the case. Poppy was the 5th most popular girls' name this year, so there will be plenty of prominent, successful Poppies in about 2066.

user1480946351 · 14/12/2016 15:00

Yes, which is why no-one is talking about Poppy.

It is really difficult to understand the difference between Poppy and Daisy (both perfectly normal, been around a long time, names, if slightly on the twee side) and say, Lexxi-Rae?

The OP is so full of inaccuracy and daftness that it barely warrants a reply, but the thread has moved on to class based names and achievement and so on.

badtime · 14/12/2016 15:09

I don't understand the point you're making, Margaret. Kathryn and Elisabeth have been in use for hundreds of years. And what is the problem with Nerys?

Is 'Bobbie' her actual name? Incidentally, Bobbie Cheema-Grubb's own children are called Harriet, Hugo and Antonia.