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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To gt annoyed when people say about baby girl names...

278 replies

ChequeredPasta · 14/12/2016 08:20

...shouldn't be too 'feminine'.

I enjoy lurking on the baby names thread. It's quite a happy, joyful thread really, people who are excited choosing names for their precious baby.

But what really boils my piss is the people on there who always seem to chime in when someone mentions that they like a name such as Poppy, Felicity, etc and say 'Oh, it's a bit twee and girly. What if they want to become a high court judge?'
Shock
Since when did being a female with a female name mean you couldn't become a high court judge?! It smacks of internalised sexism to me.

It reminds me of a time that I observed a (white) colleague asking a pregnant (white) colleague what she was going to call her baby. The pregnant colleague had a black husband. She answered 'Aeshia, we think', and the colleague answered " Oh, I'm not keen on that. It's a bit 'black' isn't it?" The pregnant colleague looked nonplussed, and answered, " Well, she will be black'.

Why do seemingly normal people perpetuate this nonsense?? I presume to call my daughter 'John' in order for her to seemingly have a better chance at becoming a high court judge.

And while we are at it, IMO the only reason that people are keen for their daughters to get a traditionally 'mans' job is because they are much better paid than traditional 'womens' jobs such as nursing, carework and teaching, because female traits and work is so undervalued. You know, because a male banker brings so much more to society than a careworker Hmm.

It seems that everything feminine is so devalued. Even the way that people encourage their daughters to play with 'boys things' (science sets, trucks etc), which I obs approve of, but when it comes to dressing a boy in pink, or giving him a 'feminine' name, or encouraging them to play nurses and carers. It's like the worse thing in the world a boy do is to act in a feminine way, and now girls too should be ashamed of their female names, their 'female' way of being, and their fannies. So the answer is to wipe out femaleness, call everybody steve, and destroy anything pink.

And I say this as a female with a non 'feminine' name, a well paid professional 'mans world' job, who loved pink and desperately wanted to be called Felicity as a child.

SO Mumsnet Jury....
WIBU to call my (fictional) 2 daughters and 2 sons as follows:

Delicacy
Kindness
Humility
Femininity

And strongly encourage them (in a tiger mum fashion) to ALL become high court judges to stick two fingers up to these twunts?
Grin

OP posts:
MuppetsChristmasCarol · 14/12/2016 09:18

I just don't like cutesy names, sorry! That does include boys names. Hate all names that end in -i.e. (Alfie, Charlie, Millie etc), all the names that in belle (Isabelle, Annabelle, Tinkerbelle) and all the flowery names.

I do actually like virtue names though!

But you can name your kids whatever. It doesn't bother me and I don't judge. it's just not my personal preference. I understand I have very boring tastes!

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 09:19

Why would Daisy-Mae never be a judge?She can be whatever she wants to be

It would be nice if that were true. It isn't though.

Daisy-Mae can be what she wants to be. My friend Daisy is a trainee neurosurgeon.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 09:20

Don't get me wrong, there are some daft names about now

I watched a tv program where her little boy was called Blue Hmm

BUT I don't think we can say they will be discriminated against just because of names

user1480946351 · 14/12/2016 09:21

I said less likely, not impossible. And it is. Think about where Daisy -Mae will likely be coming from rather than Felicity. Lot more hurdles on the way to the High Court. Does she really need a name that creates an impression like that as well?

People can use what they like, and like what they like. But they can't pretend they don't matter, or make any difference. We know they do.

HeadDreamer · 14/12/2016 09:21

But the reason Daisy-Mae is unlikely to be a judge is simply because of the type of parents who choose it. It's nothing to do with a name. Family background affects people's life chances. There was a piece on the guardian about names from the 70s and what their most likely jobs are now.

AuntieStella · 14/12/2016 09:21

Oh, and on your proposed baby names - which sound like a grand throwback to Victorian naming traditions - I think they're fine, except Delicacy which is just too edible.

Though standard caveat on all virtue names applies - what would their lives be like if their temperament did not match? Of are you hoping that nominative determinism would rule that out?

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 09:22

The "type of parent" to choose it?

What's that then?

user1480946351 · 14/12/2016 09:22

But the reason Daisy-Mae is unlikely to be a judge is simply because of the type of parents who choose it. It's nothing to do with a name

Thats a big part of it. But the name matters as well. It creates instead impressions.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 09:23

Thats a big part of it. But the name matters as well. It creates instead impressions.

So do strings of A*s and an obviously well qualified and articulate job applicant.

Ginslinger · 14/12/2016 09:24

I get more annoyed by people saying it's not a very nice name for a baby and completely missing the point that the baby will only be a baby for a very short time (apart from my little soldier who will stay with me until he's 43 Grin

Ditsy4 · 14/12/2016 09:25

I can never understand why they are asking other people to be honest. Only person I discussed naming our children names with was my husband and the older kids. What does it matter if unknown people like it or not. Your child your choice.

MrEBear · 14/12/2016 09:25

I'm another one who thinks lots of girls names are very baby-ish / infantile ie Rose sounds grown up but Rosie sounds childish.

It's hard enough trying to be equal working in a mans without having a childish name to go with it. I have also come across men who much prefer to use their formal name for correspondence rather than the informal version they may be known by, ie David rather than Dave / Davy.

HeadDreamer · 14/12/2016 09:26

What's that then?

Because people judge. Similarly, studies show a black person in the US with a obviously black name gets less interviews than when they have a white name.

Raaaaaah · 14/12/2016 09:26

YADNBU. I don't understand why anyone should have or seek an opinion about baby names though. Surely the name should reflect something about the family/baby not just be palatable to random strangers.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2016 09:27

I'm another one who thinks lots of girls names are very baby-ish / infantile ie Rose sounds grown up but Rosie sounds childish.

When you meet a grown up Rosie you don't spend all your time thinking "oh they've got a childish name so they must be rubbish at their job", do you? I've had two Rosies as colleagues and I've never given their name a second thought other than "that's what their name is".

NavyandWhite · 14/12/2016 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 09:28

A dog called Lettice is fab!

dreamingofLombok · 14/12/2016 09:29

Agree that names matter a lot, people do judge even if sub consciously. Felicity is far rather to find it easier to become a high court judge than Daisy-Mae or any of her hyphenated 'cutsy' friends.

Raaaaaah · 14/12/2016 09:31

That may be the case Head but surely it shouldn't deter people from using names that they like and may be pertinent to their ethnicity. Just because some ignoramous might not offer them a job in the future. Or should every child have a very straightforward name to deter those who judge? Sorry that sounds a bit snarky and it's not meant to.

everythingis · 14/12/2016 09:32

That doc on the telly - who is called Pixie - name didn't hold her back!

Clankboing · 14/12/2016 09:33

OP I know what you mean. This wasn't done on purpose but my boys have gender neutral names and my girls have feminine names.

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2016 09:34

I think "tweet and girly" is sometimes a synonym for "childish". People often seem to be naming a baby-forgetting that the person concerned will be a baby for a year- and a child, teenager and adult for 80 years. And people do judge names- they shouldn't, but they do. If they didn't, the woildn't be all the threads asking for "strong" "elegant" "quirky" "hipster" and so on names. So giving a name that offers options seems to me entirely sensible.

On the unisex name thing- there really is no such thing. Possibly Frances/is? Unisex means "a boy's name that people sometimes use for girls" And the sad truth is that any name becomes a girl's name as soon as girls start being called it. Because there is, apparently, nothing worse for a boy than being mistaken for a girl.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/12/2016 09:34

Oh, I don't pre-judge people called Fifi-Maeand assume they'll be crap at their job. Hmm It's not about that.

It's about having to use the name yourself, as an adult. Not gonna lie, I'm glad I don't have to introduce myself on the phone to clients as 'Maisie Jones'. I don't need the dominant impression given by my name to be 'cutesy and babyish', just because I am female.

BertrandRussell · 14/12/2016 09:35

"That doc on the telly - who is called Pixie - name didn't hold her back!"

I think her name is actually Bernadette......

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 14/12/2016 09:35

In an ideal world of course it wouldn't matter. But people do have subconscious bias.

I read something about researchers who send out two virtually identical male cvs, one with a 'white' name and one with a 'black' name. Guess which cv was more likely to get an interview?

I would imagine something similar would happen with male vs female cvs and that gap would be widened if you compared strong female names to cute female names.

Again, not saying any of it is right and I applaud those of you smashing glass ceilings with your talented daughters with very feminine names!

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