AIBU to genuinely ask why men need 45min to crap?

[littleoysterslittleoysters]

I'm not joking. I have been married 3 years and my dh spends 45mins day on the loo. It will be announced the time has come and he is off! No questions allowed he is gone, whether we have guests or not! We have a lo now and I did say to him that he may have to cut down the time in an emergency. The answer was a shocked face!
I literally poo as fast as I wee, usually with a baby and a dog looking at me! Why do men have a god given right for this time? Or is it just my dh? I know he goes in the first few mins so what does he do the rest of the time? Does it take 40min for mens arses to close? I did ask once but what told not to question a man on the subject! Help me understand!

Supermoon - glad you agree!

I KNOW it's quite funny and the thread itself is a laugh BUT there's all these women saying how they're juggling kids and getting ready for work and making food etc etc and oh ha ha ha my husband has been in the bathroom for 45 minutes ....

It's not massively funny really is it? He's telling you that his time is more important than yours. Fuck that for a laugh. Like I said, if he has a medical issue or you don't have kids then fine, crack on and sit on the toilet for an hour.

But if a man is getting home from work and retreating g to the toilet for ages and YOU don't have the same option then why on earth would you, as a woman, tolerate it?

It is maddening.
I think they are just lazy.

The lock is currently broken on my bathroom door. Dog insists on barging in so she can stand there and watch.. 😬

My ex used to take forever on the loo. He said it was because he was scared of getting piles. He really would just sit there and wait for gravity to sort it.

Pinkie is by far my new favourite mumsnetter, ever.

HeadElf

Is that you mum?

My 6 yr old son has been taking his time and reading whilst doing a poo since he was 18 months! He just started leaning on the bookcase wearing nappy reading and poo-ing. This has graduated to taking a pile of books to toilet each morning.

Neither me nor dp read on loo so he's not grown up with it. Just natural reading on loo instinct to the male brain.

Pinkie I wish

I can push out a baby faster than h can push out a shit

It's not just about escaping family life. DP and I don't have kids and regularly do our own thing in the house, and he still spends 45m on the loo.

Question: are your DPs/DGs capable of doing a quick piss? My DP won't even do that, EVERY time he goes to the loo he's in there for the long haul.

I asked him if he had a medical condition once near the start of our relationship. He mumbled about liking to play on his phone while he's in the loo.

I think he must be looking at porn on his phone in there at least some of the time.

Phoebe
Isn't it really odd that so many men do this? And we don't know the answer as to why?
From reading Dadsnet some time ago, I think you will find in a lot of cases DHs/DPs are looking at porn on their smart phones and wanking during "alone time in the bathroom". I'm sorry to shatter some posters' naivety.

'like an otter off a river bank' 😂😂😂

My oh does this 6 times a day. Maybe for 25mins a time but he's regular as clockwork. I thought no he has a problem but he refuses to see it

This really grips my shit (no pun intended!) my DP does it and even if I say we are leaving in 5, he's like oh let me go to the toilet first.

My BIL is a luxury shitter. There's usually a copy of the Economist next to their toilet so I imagine pondering the world's finances or dreaming up some corporate stuff as he's in there.

Thankfully OP is in and out in ten minutes.

Sitting on the loo, bottom open, for too long gives you piles. Fact.

I think all the women on this thread need to start taking toilet breaks of an equal length to their DPs. I think that would probably solve a few issues.

Pinkie, your imagery is fantastic, particularly, "hairy strainer"?

Sitting on the loo, bottom open, for too long gives you piles. Fact.

So, all those men who take their time because they're afraid of getting piles are doing themselves no favours.

None at all, I'm afraid.

Ladies. I have found a solution.

Dp disappeared for his usual half-marathon shit. 10 minutes in, I fired up the hoover. Right outside the bathroom door.

He came charging out 60 seconds later complaining I was making too much noise and he couldn't concentrate couldn't hear his YouTube video

I think I might be on to something here

Well, it's 2 minutes in the physical aspect and 43 minutes reading the paper/a book/playing on their smartphone, isn't it? I am guessing quite a few do it because it's the one place they are more or less guaranteed peace and quiet.

My husband is currently enjoying one of these. He has this power to choose when in the day he would like to go. He plans his poo time. I don't understand how. I can't go unless I actually need to! Does anyone else do this poo planning?

My DH has IBS so every day seems to be punctuated with 45 min intervals between 45 min toilet stops.

Sighs :-)

I haven't read all of the thread yet, in fact I'm only on page one but I just howled at 'luxury shits' by a poster (sorry can't swipe back easy, on phone)!

Dp AND NOW DS! both take an exaggerated amount of time to 'download' (as dp calls it )

Can you imagine if men had to give birth if it takes them this long to have a bloody poo ffs!

As I've always found this particularly unfathomable in my gender may i ask; do any of the men reported in this thread have big sisters? I've three. I don't hang around...

You're all lucky - my other half went up to the toilet 3 days ago and I haven't seen him since!

I'm having to use next door's