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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to genuinely ask why men need 45min to crap?

275 replies

littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/12/2016 23:04

I'm not joking. I have been married 3 years and my dh spends 45mins day on the loo. It will be announced the time has come and he is off! No questions allowed he is gone, whether we have guests or not! We have a lo now and I did say to him that he may have to cut down the time in an emergency. The answer was a shocked face!
I literally poo as fast as I wee, usually with a baby and a dog looking at me! Why do men have a god given right for this time? Or is it just my dh? I know he goes in the first few mins so what does he do the rest of the time? Does it take 40min for mens arses to close? I did ask once but what told not to question a man on the subject! Help me understand!

OP posts:
Flatbellyfella · 14/12/2016 18:25

Tell these men that there is a python loose in the drain pipes in your area, or rats have been seen emerging from toilets in your area, The fear of a snake grabbing a would be meal between his legs, should get a quick exit...Grin

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 14/12/2016 19:13

DD just told me to stop laughing! Xmas Grin

bnotts · 14/12/2016 21:07

Oh god. I have so many arguments with my OH about this. I can literally get dressed, showered, get two kids dressed , breakfasted , put a load of washing on , set a roast dinner for lunch in the oven...... while he is in the toilet. Standing joke with my kids , 2 year old says; "Where's Daddy"..... 5 year old says "In the toilet....", then they reverse it and laugh and laugh.

But it is not funny it drives me insane. If I rush him and we go out.... he has to go while we are out.
He doesn't even get up earlier to go. I am up with the kids at 6.30am every morning.... he saunters down at 8am. Why.......

CraftyKittens · 14/12/2016 21:12

DP does this every so often

It's when I watch Greys Anatomy that's how I know it's about 45 mins

He is baffled by the fact I'm in an out like a "Poo Ninja"

bookworm14 · 14/12/2016 21:28

You are not alone. My DH sits in there listening to podcasts. Hmm

user1457106342 · 14/12/2016 21:41

My OH does this EVERY Morning without fail. No questions asked. However if I spend more than 2 minutes on the toilet 'enjoying some quiet' it's apparently not normal and I need to see a Dr 😂

MooPointCowsOpinion · 14/12/2016 21:48

I think these luxury shitters need consequences. I've started locking myself in the loo for 20 mins and DH can't say a word as he always does that too. It's quite nice really although I can't sit on the loo for that long, I get numb legs, but I can lay in the bath.

If he's leaving you waiting for him so you can go out, I'd go without him. Give him until everyone is finished eating to get to the table or his plate gets scraped and washed up with everyone elses. His priorities would soon change.

Herhighness · 14/12/2016 21:51

Himself takes forever too. Doesn't take a phone or a book in there though.
Can't find the end of a new loo roll so I have to have a stack ready started, he always leaves the ruddy door open but shuts it when he comes out.
He puffs a bit of air freshner around, usually all over the mirror.

Puddington · 14/12/2016 21:51

omg, my DP does this every day as well! It doesn't really bother me as such I suppose but it does mystify me and I take the piss out of him (excuse the phrasing) about it at times... I'm gladdened to know I'm not alone, although he'd feel even more justified if he knew it seems to be a thing every man on earth does! Grin

wishparry · 14/12/2016 21:52

They're not crapping-they're hiding Grin

mummydawn07 · 14/12/2016 22:00

my DH is exactly the same, and it's almost always the same time everyday, he gets in from work strips down to his boxers and off into the toilet with his phone and locks the door, the place could be burning down and he would probably still not get off the loo Grin, totally different in my case i have door open kids coming in for all sorts of reasons.. he is the same with baths spends like an hour in the bath anyone else's DH do this too?

PatriciaBateman · 14/12/2016 22:01

Bleeeurrrgh, I have an overly-honest/straight-talking brother who says it's because it can be a very pleasurable, sometimes even sexually pleasurable experience and therefore he (and presumably many other men) like to draw it out. He also admits he just likes the time and space alone

PatriciaBateman · 14/12/2016 22:03

^^
I'm assuming men get something more out of this because of the prostate gland? I can categorically say I have never felt orgasmic on the toilet. He, however has, and is shocked that I haven't. Shock

And now I think we know way too much about each other.

JustDanceAddict · 14/12/2016 22:16

I shit therefore I am insert pic of Rodin'S thinker here

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 14/12/2016 22:21

Our cat has been known to curl up in the little hammock made by dh's trousers while he is having his 20 minute sit.

PatriciaBateman · 14/12/2016 22:22

Argh, forgive me 'Pedant's Corner' for I have sinned. Rogue comma burning my eyes. I'm melting...

MrsPeppapig · 14/12/2016 22:23

This is gold!! DH reads his book while on the loo. Lol

Mrsmadevans · 14/12/2016 22:25

I dont know and I havent read the whole thread op but my dh leaves skiddies on his pants like tyre tracks but he doesnt take 45 mins. Perhaps this is how long men need to wipe properly ?

thegoodnameshadgone · 14/12/2016 22:25

Luxury shits hahahaha pmsl

Mrsmadevans · 14/12/2016 22:27

wow I am reading the thread now ....orgasmic? lol not in my back yard !

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 14/12/2016 22:27

I am so proud you all like my "luxury shits" Grin

GinandTits · 14/12/2016 22:29

Same with me, it drives me mad! IF I'm ever more than about 5 minutes though I get, "Are you ok in there?" every 2 seconds!

Biffsboys · 14/12/2016 22:31

Haven't noticed any big issues with dh poo schedule?
However I have 2 ds and I'm convinced their bowels are connected to bath taps Grin .every time I run a bath for myself one of them needs a poo Angry

bluebellsparklypants · 14/12/2016 22:36

GriefLeavesItsMark
That's so funnyGrin

thegoodnameshadgone · 14/12/2016 22:48

I've just loved in with my partner and he says come talk to me lol and I am in and out as fast as I can with a locked door. He sits for ages takes his phone in.