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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's teacher should have thought about parents before saying this!

134 replies

runningLou · 13/12/2016 23:00

DD(9) is a bit of a drama queen and has anxiety issues, which I am working at addressing. She feels very strongly about me coming to school events, which I can normally do as work part time, 3 days. Got letter from school about Christmas shows. Choice of 2 performances for both DD and DS. Sent form back to school for tickets and arranged with work to leave early for DD's this week and DS's next. Get to school yesterday afternoon for DD's show. Usual stuff, a bit amateur but everyone having fun. DD's form were meant to be doing a dance, she's been practising at home for ages ... On the day, music doesn't work (technical glitch with sound system), teacher gets them to dance anyway, all looks fine, if a bit ragged and out of sync.
Pick up DD at end of school and tell her show was great, loved her singing, shame about the music etc. She says her teacher has told them to think of the show as a 'dress rehearsal' for the 'real thing' next week, and asks if I can come along then. Apparently the teacher said only a few parents were there (the hall was full! My DM and 2 DSis were there too!) Obviously I can't, and am also having to take a day's annual leave to attend an end of term work showcase in her classroom on Friday.
DD quite rightly takes teacher's word as law and is very upset I didn't see the proper version of the show. She's been upset since. I know nerves are frazzled at the end of term etc but I think the teacher should have acknowledged that there were parents watching yesterday and surely it's a better life lesson to congratulate the class for doing well despite the tech problems?

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 13/12/2016 23:04

Yawn

Dragongirl10 · 13/12/2016 23:07

Sorry but l think your d/d is being unreasonable, at 9 she is able to understand that you work to earn money, to keep the roof over your heads, and food on the table, and shoes on her feet etc.

Maybe a few explanations on why parents work, what holiday time is and how it works will stop the dramatics.

My dd is 9 and l only ever get to roughly half the school events and her father only prize day, she understands why and is accepting, she also understands why some of her friends mums can never get to anything due to work commitments.

I think at this age they need to be told how the real world works for their parents.

I hope the dramas ease off soon..good luck

Floggingmolly · 13/12/2016 23:08

How do you think kids whose parents can't get the time off at all to see their showcase cope?
By the tone of your op, you've encouraged her angst all the way.

bumsexatthebingo · 13/12/2016 23:08

Just tell her that of course both performances are 'the real thing' and that the teacher was just saying that in case anyone was didn't think they did their best in the first performance (probably the truth).
If it's anything like my kids school the hall wouldn't have the room for parents to go to both performances.

LilQueenie · 13/12/2016 23:08

DD quite rightly takes teacher's word as law

why? teachers are not always right. they teach and guide.

musicposy · 13/12/2016 23:10

I expect teacher said it to console any children who were upset in a "never mind, we'll be doing it again" kind of way. You honestly can't think of how every parent might react to every single thing you say before you say it in teaching, or you'd never speak a word. You just have to make the best judgement call at the time.

Best thing is to reassure your DD you really enjoyed it and don't need to see it with perfect music as you saw how good she was already. Keep working on getting her to deal with this kind of setback rather than blaming the teacher.

Aderyn2016 · 13/12/2016 23:12

Unnecessarily bitchy Join.
OP the teacher probably said there weren't many people there to stop the kids feeling too nervous about the lack of music.
I think it is unreasonable to expect a teacher to always say the exact right thing for every child. All you can do is explain to your child that this was a real performance snd the teacher was just trying to reduce nerves.
I feel for you - my dc also likes me to go to everything, but sometimes you just can't.

toastymarshmallow · 13/12/2016 23:13

How do you think kids whose parents can't get the time off at all to see their showcase cope? By the tone of your op, you've encouraged her angst all the way.

As a parent of a child who suffers from anxiety, I have to tell you that that is an awful thing to say.

OP I totally get where you are coming from. My DD also treats the teachers word as the law and it leads to a lot of fraught mornings in this house.

ghostspirit · 13/12/2016 23:16

My 6 year old wants me to go to hers I have told her no...she's not playing a part just dancing/singing with the other 100+ kiss probably won't be able to see her. I feel bad now though. I don't even have a reason not to Confused

But anyway op. Just tell Dd you have seen it and you can't go again. It's an extra performance for the parents who did not get to see it that time. There's going to be times you can't be there.

Crumbs1 · 13/12/2016 23:17

Sounds like it's parents with 'anxiety issues' - children need to be treated to honesty not pandering to whims. If you need to work, they are old enough to understand.

WantToRunAgain · 13/12/2016 23:19

I'm still chuckling at the OP's, "it was a bit amateur" comment! What on earth were you expecting OP?! Shock

ghostspirit · 13/12/2016 23:20

Op just a thought did you hear the teacher say this or was it passed on from Dd. Just my ds is 9 and if he passes things on 9 times out of 10 he gets it all wrong

hotdiggedy · 13/12/2016 23:23

Putting on an amateur play that you can invite lots of people to? How very dare they?

FeckinCrutches · 13/12/2016 23:24

Ghost why on earth would you tell your 6 year old you're not going to see her when you can actually go?? Confused don't you know how important it is to them?

rexthedog · 13/12/2016 23:28

Could you tell her that actually you're the privileged one because you've seen the performance before they've shown it to all the others? Act like you're much luckier to have seen this one.

LittleBooInABox · 13/12/2016 23:29

My DS takes teachers word as law! She mentioned the DS needed his PE kit after I forgot it once! He mentioned it around 4 times that weekend and again Monday morning.

Aniexty sucks, try reminding DD that you saw it and that's what matters. She could show you her dance to music at home if she's really determined you need the full experience

crashdoll · 13/12/2016 23:30

I'm sorry if I'm being thick but I'm not sure what you're even asking? I don't see what the teacher did wrong.

ghostspirit · 13/12/2016 23:31

If she was playing a part I would go. I'm sure she will be fine.

Mintychoc1 · 13/12/2016 23:31

ghost why won't you go?

Mintychoc1 · 13/12/2016 23:32

Bizarre parenting. Sorry but I'm truly shocked ghost.

thatdearoctopus · 13/12/2016 23:33

I've had just about enough of threads recently that just have a go at teachers.
Your dad's teacher has just bust a gut trying to put on a production for the children's benefit and yours, and all you can do is sneer at it being "amateurish" and whinge that she should have thought more about you before saying something which you have chosen to take offence at. I don't suppose it was meant in that way at all.

How about you thank her and her colleagues for their hard work? Would that kill you?

ghostspirit · 13/12/2016 23:35

Well partly because I would have a toddler and baby to juggle. It's to long for them to.be in double sling and buggys are not allowed....

Probably bizarre yes.

NiceFalafels · 13/12/2016 23:35

I think your daughter has a lot to learn and you can help her be more flexible and understanding

shinynewusername · 13/12/2016 23:35

Poor teachers - every word they say is freely interpreted by 30+ DC then dissected by parents and MN.

The poor woman was surely just trying to console the children who were upset that the music didn't work. Stop blaming the teacher who is managing your DD's anxiety alongside the needs of 30 other kids, day in, day out, OP.

SingingSands · 13/12/2016 23:36

I have a difficult 8 yr old drama llama who takes the teacher's word as law, but I am his parent and I explain to him when I think the teacher has got it wrong. I also don't overthink too much about these things, life moves on too quickly. Congratulate your DD on her performance, but be clear that you won't be seeing it again, so she is clear not to expect you to be there.

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