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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD's teacher should have thought about parents before saying this!

134 replies

runningLou · 13/12/2016 23:00

DD(9) is a bit of a drama queen and has anxiety issues, which I am working at addressing. She feels very strongly about me coming to school events, which I can normally do as work part time, 3 days. Got letter from school about Christmas shows. Choice of 2 performances for both DD and DS. Sent form back to school for tickets and arranged with work to leave early for DD's this week and DS's next. Get to school yesterday afternoon for DD's show. Usual stuff, a bit amateur but everyone having fun. DD's form were meant to be doing a dance, she's been practising at home for ages ... On the day, music doesn't work (technical glitch with sound system), teacher gets them to dance anyway, all looks fine, if a bit ragged and out of sync.
Pick up DD at end of school and tell her show was great, loved her singing, shame about the music etc. She says her teacher has told them to think of the show as a 'dress rehearsal' for the 'real thing' next week, and asks if I can come along then. Apparently the teacher said only a few parents were there (the hall was full! My DM and 2 DSis were there too!) Obviously I can't, and am also having to take a day's annual leave to attend an end of term work showcase in her classroom on Friday.
DD quite rightly takes teacher's word as law and is very upset I didn't see the proper version of the show. She's been upset since. I know nerves are frazzled at the end of term etc but I think the teacher should have acknowledged that there were parents watching yesterday and surely it's a better life lesson to congratulate the class for doing well despite the tech problems?

OP posts:

FeckinCrutches · 13/12/2016 23:37

Are you joking Ghost? I really hope you are. Where else do you have the be?

FeckinCrutches · 13/12/2016 23:39

Nice drip feed ghost

CauliflowerSqueeze · 13/12/2016 23:40

Don't give the discussion any more airtime. Doing so feeds the anxiety and worry and will she won't she.
Be breezy and matter-of-fact, you loved it and can't come again. End of story.

Notnownornever · 13/12/2016 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGruffaloMother · 13/12/2016 23:41

The teacher hasn't done anything wrong. The conversation that needs to happen comes from you - explaining to your DD how the practicalities of working mean you can't attend absolutely everything and that today's play was the 'real' event too. It actually fits hand in hand with them having to perform more than once so should be simple enough.

Permanentlyexhausted · 13/12/2016 23:42

I have a difficult 8 yr old drama llama who takes the teacher's word as law, but I am his parent and I explain to him when I think the teacher has got it wrong.

This is great advice. It is never too early to teach your children that everyone makes mistakes and also to consider that people don't always say exactly what they mean.

BastardGoDarkly · 13/12/2016 23:44

Awwww Ghost she might not be bothered, but she might be, she might think you can't be bothered because she didn't get a main part? That's pretty sad.

ghostspirit · 13/12/2016 23:48

Sorry did not mean to drip feed. I did go last year. I could go but it would be pretty difficult. I would have to stand for an hour with 2 baby's. There are going to be times I can go to events other times I can't.

Biffsboys · 13/12/2016 23:55

ghost that sounds awful to your child - I can go but choose not to , because your not important? If you had a bigger part I'd come ??

ghostspirit · 14/12/2016 00:04

I have not said that to her.

DailyFail1 · 14/12/2016 06:57

Teacher's not wrong. Some parents are coming to the performance. You're not. Tell your dd you're not going and stop blaming the effing teacher. If your daughter's anxiety is so serious get a SEN assessment.

Sweetwater · 14/12/2016 07:11

The teacher was just trying to make the class feel better about the music. That sort of thing is just what you say when something doesn't go as planned.

Feenie · 14/12/2016 07:20

My 6 year old wants me to go to hers I have told her no...she's not playing a part just dancing/singing with the other 100+ kiss probably won't be able to see her. I feel bad now though. I don't even have a reason not to

NicknameUsed · 14/12/2016 07:28

There are some pretty unsympathetic posts on here, clearly from parents of perfectly confident children who have never had a moment's anxiety in their lives.

Have a little more empathy.

MidniteScribbler2 · 14/12/2016 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ptumbi · 14/12/2016 07:32

Op - so you, her gran and 2 aunts saw her in the production, but that is not enough?

She needs a little straight-talking about how the entire world does not revolve around her.

Miserylovescompany2 · 14/12/2016 07:35

...the teacher would have thought on her feet and merely said something on the spur of the moment to reassure the children.

Could DD possibly do a special bespoke performance in your home, just for you?

Hindsight being a wonderful thing and all (not) I guess by OP saying "shame about the music" maybe that shouldn't of been mentioned and only the positive comments given? I know myself, that having a child with anxiety issues you have to be quite selective with your wording.

As others have suggested, maybe a chat on how difficult it is to take days off work.

Newbiecat · 14/12/2016 07:37

I don't mean to sound horrible, but to use a cliche, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill with this situation. If you play it down and as others suggested talk it through with your DD but not spend too much time focusing on it so as not to raise anxiety levels further. Good luck.

shovetheholly · 14/12/2016 07:38

Will someone be recording it? Even on a mobile phone? Maybe you can make a big deal of watching the performance at home after the event?

BoredOnMatLeave · 14/12/2016 07:39

To be fair to ghost my mum came to one of my plays... Said it was boring when I wasn't in it (it was 4 hours long) and she wouldn't come next year. It didn't bother me then and I'm not some messed up adult because of it.

Some kids genuinely aren't bothered.

NotStoppedAllDay · 14/12/2016 07:43

Dear god! Is this a medically diagnosed 'anxiety'?

You need to nip this in the bud. Ridiculous. I also hate the constant teacher bashing in here. Too many special snowflakes.... and that's the parents!

However ghost, you chose to have 2 babies. Where's the father? Make some effort for your child fgs

Notagainmun · 14/12/2016 07:44

I suffered from anxiety as a child but there is no way of protecting a child from the real world as eventually the find out. They best you can do is explain, support and reassure.

llhj · 14/12/2016 07:48

There's nothing to blame the teacher for. End of.

Miserylovescompany2 · 14/12/2016 07:51

Ghostspirit could someone else (relative or friend) watch the little ones so you could attend?

KoalaDownUnder · 14/12/2016 07:59

The poor woman was surely just trying to console the children who were upset that the music didn't work. Stop blaming the teacher who is managing your DD's anxiety alongside the needs of 30 other kids, day in, day out, OP.

This.

Fgs. Stop blaming the teacher.

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