DD's teacher should have thought about parents before saying this!

[runningLou]

DD(9) is a bit of a drama queen and has anxiety issues, which I am working at addressing. She feels very strongly about me coming to school events, which I can normally do as work part time, 3 days. Got letter from school about Christmas shows. Choice of 2 performances for both DD and DS. Sent form back to school for tickets and arranged with work to leave early for DD's this week and DS's next. Get to school yesterday afternoon for DD's show. Usual stuff, a bit amateur but everyone having fun. DD's form were meant to be doing a dance, she's been practising at home for ages ... On the day, music doesn't work (technical glitch with sound system), teacher gets them to dance anyway, all looks fine, if a bit ragged and out of sync.
Pick up DD at end of school and tell her show was great, loved her singing, shame about the music etc. She says her teacher has told them to think of the show as a 'dress rehearsal' for the 'real thing' next week, and asks if I can come along then. Apparently the teacher said only a few parents were there (the hall was full! My DM and 2 DSis were there too!) Obviously I can't, and am also having to take a day's annual leave to attend an end of term work showcase in her classroom on Friday.
DD quite rightly takes teacher's word as law and is very upset I didn't see the proper version of the show. She's been upset since. I know nerves are frazzled at the end of term etc but I think the teacher should have acknowledged that there were parents watching yesterday and surely it's a better life lesson to congratulate the class for doing well despite the tech problems?

I do think teachers get a hard time. Half the time the kids misunderstand what's been said. And the teacher can't keep all 30 kids 100% happy. When I had my 1st couple of children I did question a couple of things
After a while I realised theres no point. The school/teachers have their ways on the whole it works. Me making it an issue would then give a message to the kids that there's an an issue...

ManonLescaut: It really wasn't. It was a very subjective comment that some kids would appreciate because it would make them feel better about the music. It is also very minor in nature and not 'unprofessional' outside the minds of the very, very sensitive.

Italiangreyhound my comment about reflecting parents behaviour wasn't specifically about this incident but more broadly.
My ds is anxious and I like to think that I don't fuel it. But actually if i dig a bit deeper and reflect on my and DH's behaviour then yes somewhere down the line we've contributed. And we work to correct it.

ManonLescaut: you are going totally OTT. It wasn't a lie – it was a platitude, designed to make the kids feel better. And did you consider that the DD might have told this story as she had translated it, rather than as per what the teacher actually said? I suspect the truth lies somewhere closer to what xarpax said: to suggest a less than perfect performance can be a good way to sharpen up for the next one.

God knows why teachers need to get every single word and deed analysed to the nth degree. You don't get this in most other professions. And they're only bloody human.

believeitornot yes, I know what you mean and I agree, broadly, but I also think some peopel (not you) kind of dismiss anxiety in children as being the parent who is fueling, forgetting we were all children once and some of ouor own anxieties as parents are hereditary or nature and some may be learnt and actually as parents we try and help our kids wherever these anxieties come from. Those of us who have suffered anxiety know it is not just something we can switch off because others say we should (I had CBT for mine and it worked amazingly well, which I often tell people because I think there are answers out there).

itsmine Wed 14-Dec-16 10:55:01
'is really boring and annoying for those who have children who suffer anxiety, are nervous, are very shy or very emotional etc etc to be told this is your fault as a parent and you have encouraged it. '

itsme "the dm is overreacting to a non event* how is she overreacting?

musicmaiden it was very clearly a lie, perhaps told for good reasons but a lie nonetheless. And "God knows why teachers need to get every single word and deed analysed to the nth degree. "

Well clearly they do not, every teacher, in the country, teaching every hour at school for days and weeks and years and at any one time there are handful of threads here moaning about a single comment or single situation. So clearly everything teachers say is not pulled to pieces here and most of us are far too busy with our own jobs to worry about every phrase a teacher says. I work in administration. If an administrator had done something wrong and someone started a thread about it, do you think I would feel the need to jump in and defend them ( I would not).

itsme sorry did not mean to quote all of that just the question to you, A genuine question.

runningLou yes, saying the performance was abysmal is really not on either (stands back for people to rush in defend....)

I work with adult students and I would be 'told off' if I said anything like that to them.

Just as an aside have you seen this book?

What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids)

We had the temper one for dd and the temper one was quite good.

All the best.

Italiangreyhound it was very clearly a lie

Well, no, it was not. It is reported speech. And I am not saying that the OP's DD is not telling the truth, but children do have a habit of putting their own spin on things (as do adults, for that matter).

For example, imagine I said to a child who was upset about the music: 'Oh well, never mind, these things happen. If it makes you feel better, think of it like a dress rehearsal and we'll do better next time. There will be more parents there next week.'

In that case, I could quite see how my platitude could be construed in the ay the OP's anxious DD did.

(I am not saying the teacher did say the above btw, just showing how it is not as cut and dried as you imply)

Haven't read all the thread tbh I found quite a few comments really rude so gave up part way down.

My Dd's school do 2 performances on separate days with plenty of warning so working parents can attend. I'm guessing the class teacher was simply reassuring the Dc that next time it will be fine meaning do not panic as there wasn't many there so don't be embarrassed or worry about the next performance?? . So long as your Dd knew you enjoyed it and these things happen she will be fine I'm sure (that's from a parent with 2 anxious Dc).

Yes of course the teacher should of spoken to each child individually based on their personality and adjusted her comment to whether or not relatives attended this particular performance...

I've had enough of all the teacher bashing. Its so depressing.

I'm sure the teacher has time to speak to 30 children 1 at a time.

Good idea to learn the teacher doesn't always get it right. I remember my son in Year 1, I had a younger child and a fulltime job. I picked him up from his gran and he said, "Miss said we have to have pancakes tonight." It was Shrove Tuesday, I said, "Great when is she coming round to make them."

Nope. It was a lie. A performance that the teacher told the kids was a dress rehearsal because it was crap.

It doesn't matter if dd didn't report it word for word, the upshot is the same.

My prep school produced some fantastic performances with children much younger than the OP's daughter, and I also performed in children's operas from 5-13. There's no excuse for incompetence and un-professionalism, particularly when parents are taking time off work to see the result.

Some posters here seem to have low expectations of schools in general and this teacher in particular, who really just needed to pull herself together.

Teachers have enough on their plate without worrying about the drama queens of the world!

You are lucky she gets a show in her school from Y3 they all stop round here. No Carol concerts or shows, not even a chrimbo disco. So...

The OP says the teacher said for them to think of it as a dress rehearsal not that it was. The distinction is the first is a misguided attempt to make them feel better about the lack of music the latter would be the lie. Technical issues happen.

Prep school and private children's opera coaching / performance? Are we making a stealth boastcomparing like with like here Manon? Just saying.

Ooh Manon!

I have seen many highly polished independent school productions. They've been very impressive. But for sheer heart, I can't beat the ramshackle nativitys that my youngest dcs state primary school do every year. Lots of technical hitches, a few tinies forgetting their lines and waving to parents, terrible homemade costumes. They are the ones that I will remember with love, despite the lack of budget and 'professionalism'

itsmine

Really? You don't expect professionalism and competence from teachers? Ok.

I'm with the OP entirely. I think the teacher handled it very badly and if people don't agree I couldn't give a shit.

private children's opera coaching / performance

Whoever said it was private? It was free, open to all comers provided you could sing.

We're not making chippy assumptions are we?