DD's teacher should have thought about parents before saying this!

[runningLou]

DD(9) is a bit of a drama queen and has anxiety issues, which I am working at addressing. She feels very strongly about me coming to school events, which I can normally do as work part time, 3 days. Got letter from school about Christmas shows. Choice of 2 performances for both DD and DS. Sent form back to school for tickets and arranged with work to leave early for DD's this week and DS's next. Get to school yesterday afternoon for DD's show. Usual stuff, a bit amateur but everyone having fun. DD's form were meant to be doing a dance, she's been practising at home for ages ... On the day, music doesn't work (technical glitch with sound system), teacher gets them to dance anyway, all looks fine, if a bit ragged and out of sync.
Pick up DD at end of school and tell her show was great, loved her singing, shame about the music etc. She says her teacher has told them to think of the show as a 'dress rehearsal' for the 'real thing' next week, and asks if I can come along then. Apparently the teacher said only a few parents were there (the hall was full! My DM and 2 DSis were there too!) Obviously I can't, and am also having to take a day's annual leave to attend an end of term work showcase in her classroom on Friday.
DD quite rightly takes teacher's word as law and is very upset I didn't see the proper version of the show. She's been upset since. I know nerves are frazzled at the end of term etc but I think the teacher should have acknowledged that there were parents watching yesterday and surely it's a better life lesson to congratulate the class for doing well despite the tech problems?

Ooh, Manon! Aren't you a peach?

Everyone gets anxious - it's our job to teach our kids how to cope with it when they feel it (unless SN/diagnosed MH issue).

Same as we have to teach our kids to be resilient and deal with "anger issues".

Otherwise we are bringing up a generation of humans ill equipped to deal with life and to use a strong emotion they are feeling as an excuse to be treated differently.

The amount of teens I see on a daily basis who have diagnosed themselves with "anxiety issues" via the internet is quite depressing actually and they are detracting from those who really really need support and have suffered terrible traumas - hence services like CAMHS being busting as the seams and totally unable to cope with the volume of referrals.

Yawn

Joinourclub, was that supposed to be "YANBU" or "YABU," but autocorrect struck?

I think the teacher handled it just fine and you need to get a grip

The OP doesn't, it's her issue, it's her thread:

I think the teacher should have acknowledged that there were parents watching yesterday and surely it's a better life lesson to congratulate the class for doing well despite the tech problems?

So why keep wittering on at her with irrelevancies?

I agree with a PP about explaining to your DD about how you work, and why you can't always be there to go to all the shows etc. You've been, you saw her, it was good, there was a technical error that had no impact on the performance, it's all good.

Working on your DD's anxiety will mean facing situations like this head on and helping her understand that she doesn't need to be upset by things like this.

The teacher may not have said any such thing anyway. I wouldn't let it become an issue.

SingingSands Tue 13-Dec-16 23:36:17

"I have a difficult 8 yr old drama llama who takes the teacher's word as law, but I am his parent and I explain to him when I think the teacher has got it wrong. I also don't overthink too much about these things, life moves on too quickly. Congratulate your DD on her performance, but be clear that you won't be seeing it again, so she is clear not to expect you to be there."

This

pklme Wed 14-Dec-16 08:12:20

"Op, it's hard for teachers to hit the right note with each of the 30 in the class. In reassuring one very upset child that it is ok the performance didn't go to plan, she has upset another. It is inevitable. If only she could plan an answer to every question and check it for unintended consequences... But she actually answers on the hop, while tying someone's shoes, and comforting someone whose granny died last night."

And this.

As another parent of a child with high anxiety (diagnosed by CAHMS, medicated for the last 5 years), I don't for a moment believe that I have caused it. It's how she is.

But I do believe that as a parent, the most useful thing I can do is often going to be to teach her how to manage her anxiety rather than to try to manage the rest of her world.

But for sheer heart, I can't beat the ramshackle nativitys that my youngest dcs state primary school do every year. Lots of technical hitches, a few tinies forgetting their lines and waving to parents, terrible homemade costumes. They are the ones that I will remember with love, despite the lack of budget and 'professionalism'

Yes, this! I don't want professionalism and I don't want teachers drilling kids to be perfect little performers. It's a primay school christmas production FFS! It should be about children getting the chance to try something different and most of all, have fun.
I really don't want teachers to take weeks and weeks preparing a polished production when their time could be better spent actually teaching (or doing other fun end of term stuff)

OP, I agree with others who say don't make a big deal of it. Reassure your DD that you loved her performance but that you can't get out of work to go to the next one and then move on.

Oh, and I say that as a person with anxiety too.
Sometimes when I am in the grips of spinning out, I need a person who understands and cares to say some (more kindly worded version of...) "oi love, you're overreacting, get a grip please!"