To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

Good lord OP what a weird thing to be judgy about (which you clearly are)

I found out because I was immensely curious about my baby. I would have taken any information on offer - hair colour, ear shape, sex, whether it would grow up to play the tuba. Anything at all. I don't think gender is especially important but as it happens it was one of the things the doctors could tell me, so I found out.

I love information and I'm not into surprises. You clearly are the other way round. We all have different priorities. I won't judge you, you don't judge me.

chasing I think each to their own.
Finding out in a cold scan room on my own would not have been much of an event. Finding out by DH passing baby to me and telling me face to face, for me, was.

I do judge when people say they have to find out the sex so they know what colour to paint the nursery, or what colour pram to buy, or which clothes.

There are other colours than pink or blue! A baby girl won't spontaneously combust if their pram isn't pink and frilly.

My dc needed resuscitating and we didn't find out the sex until 10 minutes or so after birth. That really slammed home that I didn't care about the sex, i wanted to hear a cry, anything to indicate they were alive.

Before birth I had thought I had a preference, and had not found out as I thought it might spoil the pregnancy had it not been what i wanted.

I didn't find out for any of mine & they all wore the same newborn clothes - white, green & yellow. They all had the same Moses basket, cot & room too, it had white walls. I didn't see the need to know.

Hi Daily Mail/Loose Women/The Wright Stuff/The Independent/Huffington Post/anyone else who lifts this thread.

I decided I wanted to wait until the baby was born, each time. For me, knowing in advance felt wrong. I do see why people do want to know, though - and each to their own.

Now, as the parent of grown up children, if one of them told me their partner was expecting a baby, I might feel differently - partly because I'd like to know if I was knitting for a boy or a girl - and partly out of sheer excitement (though it would be entirely up to them whether they decided to tell me, and I would respect their decision if they decided not to find out, or to find out and keep it a secret until the baby was born).

When did we stop having babies and start "meeting" them. Makes me think of babies being born ready to shake your hand or kiss your cheek. Weird.

I didn't find out. I probably would have done but DH didn't want to. I agree it was a lovely surprise and by the birth I had no gender preference that I may have secretly had at 20 weeks so from that point of view it was good to wait - I just wanted to know who my baby was.

That said I completely understand why people want to find out and more than once considered getting a secret scan by myself

I did feel annoyed with our sonographer, in retrospect. It was only when DS was born that I realised how obvious it had been at the scan, and I remember her hovering over his enormous balls nether region for quite a long time and then pointedly asking us if there was anything we wanted to ask about what we saw... I think she wanted to be the one to tell us despite us saying we didn't want to know.

Luckily I am really naive/dim and still spent the entire pregnancy none the wiser!

I should say I didn't find out for DD either and I spent the first five minutes thinking she was a boy having in my gas and aired up state mistaken the umbilical cord for a penis. So that was doubly a surprise!

YABU and yes - you are judgey - what works for you doesnt work for others

why do you care what other people do - i found out on both of mine because i wanted to

i have never stopped anyone else finding out / not finding out because its not my business

Didnt find out for the first two

Boy and then girl

Felt we needed to know for number 3 as it made a real difference to us as to bedrooms needing swapping about or moving/extending

You want a surprise on the day?

You'll be squeezing an enormous baby out of your fanjo. I think you'll find that's surprising enough.

To be honest it's not up to you what people do some people choose to leave it a surprise some don't! I choose to find out at just 17 weeks and I'm still happy knowing now I'm 38+2

I'll be giving birth to a new human that I made from scratch, knowing what genitals it will have won't spoil it....I think that's so over dramatic. How can something like that spoil meeting your newborn?

I'm a planner...I don't want to waste time on thinking about baby names for a child I'm not having.

Plus everyone buys cream and lemon coloured gifts if they don't know the sex (it's not gender by the way, which is not something one can determine by scan or looking at a newborn). I don't want a pile of lemon coloured things, I'd like more variety (personally I'm not in to choosing baby clothes based on sex but most people who will give me gifts are).

I didn't for the first, we found out at the anomoly scan the baby had medical problems and that 9 out of 10 babies with this issue are male! After all the extra scans we felt we knew too much about the baby and the only surprise we would have would be the sex. In fact our first question was medical after the birth not what sex she was.

Did for the second, but only once we knew there were no problems.

One knowing, one not.

Cba to read the whole thread so it may have been said already but - is it because there's very little other conversation to have about the baby before it's out of you? Can't talk about eye colour, size, interesting nose etc...

When I had my ds (now 14) my local hospital had a policy of not telling you what the sex of the baby was because they didn't want people going off to have abortions if the babies weren't the "right" sex.

So I am surprised that people are able to find out so easily these days.

I'm kind of with you OP, I find it all a bit strange. As for decorating the nursery - why does it have to be pink or blue anyway?

It's 50:50, not the biggest surprise. Unless it's a raptor or a chicken!

I don't want a pile of lemon coloured things, I'd like more variety (personally I'm not in to choosing baby clothes based on sex but most people who will give me gifts are).

We didn't find out the sex for dc1. Once she arrived every sodding man and his dog bought us pink outfits.

Now I don't mind pink, but it was fucking everything! Pink dresses, tights, babygro's, shoes, hairbands, blankets, hats, coats, dolls, rattles, dummies even.. Every single thing.

Honestly a pile of white or lemon would have been a relief. In fact i took the vast majority of it back.

Thing is though, it really is white or yellow, or pink, or dark colours with "cheeky monkey slogans". I had to search high and low for red, green, purple, and bright colours.

Haha, OP I'd love to hear some more things that baffle you & that you're not judgey about

yep me too buckeejit

"can't understand why some people like bananas. I mean I'm not judgey and each to their own but I hate them can't see anything nice about them so why do some people insist on eating them"

No sign of OP then?

Love the 'not going to be a judgemental post' before a wildly judgemental post. Am assuming OP also uses 'No offence but...' before offending people (because obviously that cancels it out )!

I personally found human beings coming out of my nether regions quite surprising, without needing to save the gender surprise for the same moment, but each to their own!

It's hardly a surprise as PPs have pointed out. It's a boy OR it's a girl (an unfashionable view these days, but I toe the MN Feminism party line on that)

With DC1 I found out at the birth - drugged, exhausted, haemorrhaging and anaemic. I remember being distinctly under-whelmed by the 'reveal' but the first time I saw his face is imprinted on my memory forever.

With DC2 I found out at 15 weeks (Harmony test scan) and was really excited all the way back home as I knew something DH didn't! Ha!

You clearly have too much time on your hands if you're spending so much time worrying about other people's personal pregnancy choices. People do what feels right for them. Just because you prefer to wait it doesn't mean that's the right way and that not waiting is in some way a poorer choice.