To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

I don't see that it matters either way. It's not spoiling anything to find out. It's just finding out.

I don't particularly like surprises and I'm quite happy to prepare myself for things if I can.

It's got nothing to do with gender specific clothing or nurseries for me, I didn't do any of that. I simply wanted to know if the baby was a boy or girl.

There are all sorts of other reasons why people might want to find out and I'm surprised you care enough to post about it.

I do know a couple where he found out and she didn't. She wanted the surprise and he didn't so she asked the sonographer to tell him after she left the room. He kept it to himself all that time. He loved having that knowledge and she felt closer to him knowing he respected her enough not to tell her.

It's really just personal choice.

Surely the question should be why do people choose not to find out when the information is available? The sonographer knows anyway. What's the advantage in not finding out information about your baby which is available to you?

Because it makes no bugger difference.

I'd still have bought the same stuff, same clothes, same pram. It would have made no difference to my pregnancy or birth, or how I treated the baby.

Same as why I didn't have ante-natal screening beyond the two scans.

The everyday sexism starts so early I didn't want it starting at 20 weeks. Which it does- boys kicking = little footballer, girls are better behaved etc, even in utero.

When my dd was born it started straight away- she's "pretty", she's so "good", girls are always much easier. Then when she cried it was because girls like to give you grief.

I see op hasn't been back. Shocker.

I didn't find out with my first. And I absolutely loved the suspense during pregnancy of us not knowing. I found out when my husband handed him to me saying, 'we've got a little boy'.

But then with my second we decided at the last minute to find out. It was a girl and I was so excited!

So both ways were nice. It was nice to be able to tell my son he was getting a little sister, made it more 'real' for him I suppose.

We didn't decide on her name or tell anyone until she was here though.

So its very personal!

I thought most people aren't able to find out as lots of hospitals wont give out the information.

As PP have said I was too out of it at the end of labour to be able to process sex so I am so glad I found out beforehand. It's just a personal choice and I am baffled by the fact that you seem to consider your choice to be morally superior.

Does hardly anyone not want to know? Or is it just people you know? I have no stats but it was pretty much 50/50 in people we know.

Spikey My first pregnancy ended in late miscarriage. I totally understand. That's why I didn't want to know with my first to birth.

My first I waited til the birth was so excited to meet my baby I didn't care if it was boy or girl,
2nd I found out they told me girl! Imagine the shock when I had a boy! I had to double check myself when he was born and as I already had a boy I was disappointed at first. I had got used to the idea I was having girl! Luckily as I had all gender neutral last time I hadn't really bought much in the way of girlie things and I loved him the same.
3rd I had lots of complications and was told at every scan from 20 weeks (I had 3 weekly scans) that I was having a girl, didn't fully believe it til she was delivered, on my 4th I found out at my 20 week scan as my 3rd was only 6 months old I wanted to know if I needed more clothes! Same again this confirmed with my extra scans throughout so this time I actually believed it.
I would say it's a personal choice but I personally preferred the not knowing as I was so excited to see what I had!

I get why people want to know...it's exciting and 9 months actually 10 is a really long time! Having said that, I waiting until the birth with both of mine because I wanted the whole 'you have a...' at the birth. For dd, we had some gender neutral babygrows and vests and one outfit then had three million a few outfits gifted after her arrival. For ds, we had all our old stuff and again we were lucky to receive lots of outfits.

It's very much a personal thing and there isn't a right or wrong way.

Some places actually won't tell you now however because of some asshats who tried to sue them. I have relatives who never found out because the hospital hjad some twat who was told one sex and got the other try to sue them. They weren't able to sue but the hassle and stress and waste of resources it caused the hospital were so great they just made a blanket rule.

I preferred not to find out both times and meet my babies as they were rather than be drip fed their sex part way through. I'd also be nervous at the risk of the sonographer being incorrect. I find the knowledge that a baby is a boy or girl rather abstract in advance and prefer it when other people announce at birth- obviously, what they do is their own choice.

I get that there are many sensible resons to find out sooner, particularly when it helps deal with medical or emotional concerns.

My babies' deliveries weren't ideal. DS1 had a long, distressing labour and was in a poor state following his EMCS. There wasn't a big "it's a boy!" moment as they were too busy rushing him to neonatal. I did get a brief glimpse of him. Even though it was a garbled moment, it was nice to know something new about him in the hours before I got to meet him properly. DS2's was better although it was again in theatre as it was a close toss up between difficult CS and difficult forceps. Forceps won, and it was a moment of sheer elation to have my very fresh new baby in my arms, and having avoided the CS (little did I know... ) I would still prefer to find out at birth in the absence of serious concerns.

I knew someone who publicly used the intended name in pregnancy. I can see how some people would find that helpful, but again it was abstract as a bystander to see a large abdomen with a serious name. She then went on to the maximum dates before induction, then the induction took its time, until it got to the point where you knew that you were going to get a message that day announcing the birth of X. The only piece of news avaliable was X's weight.

It depends on your area too. Some areas with high populations of certain cultures where one sex is highly valued won't tell you ante-natally as it isn't unusual for babies of the unvalued sex to be terminated.

I dont know. If people want to to know then fine.

What I dont get is those that find out and actively dont tell anyone and make a point of telling you they know but they arent telling anyone.

WTAF

The sex of the child is a surprise to the parents. They have to raise it and prepare for its arrival. Why then keep it a secret from everyone including family? My sister did it. Friends did it. Work colleagues did it. In the case of work colleagues in particular, I couldnt give a shit if its a boy or girl. I wont whoop at my desk at the huge surprise as it isnt of any importance to me if you have a boy or girl.

You don't think that if we'd had the technology 100, 200, 500 years ago that people would have found out at the scan then? Not knowing was only the default because there was no choice. There's nothing better about it.

I'm with you OP, I didn't want to know. For me it is all about finding out at the birth. Not judging anyone, but it just didn't appeal to me to find out early, and I liked my DH being able to find out the sex of our DC before me. In my experience, the majority of my friends have found out, and they don't understand why I wouldn't as it's 'easier' to know. All of our newborn stuff was neutral, and now I have a boy and a girl, it was lucky I didn't go all gender specific for the first as it meant we got to use it all again!

Well we didn't find out but one of the advantages would have been avoiding the extensive "discussions" me & DH had about a name for a girl as they were a waste of time. We picked a boys name really easily!

Unfortunately 5more the information is not always accurate. The sonographer doesn't always know - they have to go there to look and won't unless you ask them.
I think it would be more disconcerting to think you were having a girl then end up with boy or vice versa rather than not knowing until birth.

Each to their own. Personally we found out and also went for a 4d scan so had an idea of what she looked like too - for me it really helped me in labour to focus on dd (yes I could have just focused on "the baby" but knowing a little more about her helped somehow make it seem more real).

Also made buying clothes etc easier. I had great plans to go all gender neutral. Lovely idea but bloody difficult in practice I found.

Not knowing was only the default because there was no choice.

I'm sure people must have wanted to know back then, hence all the old wives tales for working out what you were having - ring on a thread, heartburn, where you carry the bump, etc etc

It's only now it is accurate, but women have clearly been trying to work out ways to 'spoil the surprise' for a long time!

Because it's too exciting and when someone asks "do you want to know the sex of your baby" you can't help but want to know!?

I'm going to be surprised if I find out at 20 weeks or when its born.

At my 20 week scan there was no hiding the fact he was a boy. It was plain to see. I wanted to find out anyway, as I find all the unisex clothing boring as sin. And with it being my first baby, I want to go shopping and make sure everything is ready and how I want things for my little boy :)

Seems like it was the norm 20 years ago not to find out, but now the technology allows us too, why would you not?!

My reasons were that it helps me to bond with the baby. Have had no preference each time, just wanted to think of them as a boy or a girl rather than an it.

We found out with our DC2 because DC1 was only 22 months when DC2 was born and we wanted to prepare him as much as possible. Before he was born DC1 called my bump the name we had chosen. It worked really well up until DC2 was born and had lots of disabilities and spend lots of his first year in hospital.
With DC 3 we didn't find out as DC1 was an expert by that stage and DC2 had no understanding at all so it wasn't relevant. Also when found out with DC 2 everyone was saying "awwww better luck next time you might have a girl!" That totally pissed me off... It was like he wasn't as important as he was another boy. We had not planned any other kids as DC2 was lots and lots of hard work!
DC 3 was a girl!!!!