To wonder why hardly anyone keeps the gender of their baby a surprise until the birth anymore?

[Kel1234]

First of all let me say that this is not a judgemental post at all. I know that it's a personal choice, and everyone has the right to decide if they would like to find out the sex or not.
However I truly do not understand why so many people actually want to know. People asking others to guess what they are having from the scan pictures, and people even calling the 20 week scan 'a gender scan' as though the main reason for it is finding out the sex, even though it's not. Then there is the lengths people will go to reveal it as well - these 'gender reveal parties'.
I know some of the reasons are: people don't want to wait 9 months when they don't have to, they want to decorate the nursery (my lo doesn't have a nursery because we don't want him in his own room yet), they want to know if things they have from previous children can be used for the new baby. Also because they want to get everything ready, and want to buy gender specific things before the birth.
I think it's just as easy to get neutral things before the birth, and then simply keep the money aside and then get everything else after the baby is born. (Obviously I know that not everyone will be able to do that though). But that's what I did, got neutral clothes and crib bedding, and the pram and car seat were neutral (I preferred that), then I kept the money separate and went and got the rest of the stuff afterwards.
If you want a gender specific nursery it may be more difficult to wait though.
Having a preference for a specific sex could be another reason, but even so what can you do about it? I had a very strong preference for a girl, but had a boy.
I know another reason is baby showers (personally i hate them, I never had one and would never dream of having one), but for those who do want one you can have neutral ones.
As I said I'm not one to judge anyone, but I am genuinely wondering why people are so keen to find out before instead of waiting until the birth. Surely it's much more special to be told "it's a girl/ boy" at the birth and then have your baby placed in your arms or on your chest. Rather than be told "it's a girl/ boy" during the scan and then be given a picture to go home with.
I simply couldn't imagine not waiting. I had no desire to know at all, I never considered it, even for a split second. And I was so glad I waited. Why do so many people spoil one of life's greatest surprises?

I'm sure people must have wanted to know back then, hence all the old wives tales for working out what you were having - ring on a thread, heartburn, where you carry the bump, etc etc

Possibly better in fwr but in those days sex was likely to be more important- was it going to be a boy for manual labour and bringing in a wage, or a girl to help with domestic chores that you'd have to find a dowry for.

Because I couldn't care less either way. Just wanted a healthy child.

My surprise when dd1 was born was being told by the nurse "We think your baby can see! Everyone is over at the nursery to look at her!"
My surprise when dd2 was born was being told by the nurse "Oh she has a beautiful dimple! And how's her sister? We all remember her!"

Funny how the OP wrote a massively long and goady post abs then doesn't come back to the thread...

I didn't find out. Dozy cow doing the scan accidentally told my husband (he didn't ask). I didn't hear and my lovely husband didn't tell me.

"I'm not judgemental at all" said the really judgemental poster

I'm struggling to bond with my unborn child, and feel knowing the gender might spark some emotional attachment...

Its fine for bonding to start when you give birth.

Psychedelic, it is pretty normal to be a bit shell shocked and scared when the baby is born- what the hell am I supposed to do now.
If you struggle to bond after the baby is born, please speak up. It is also far more a regular occurrence than you think.

I bonded so much better with DC once I knew what I was having. Before that I didn't feel like I was able to prepare at all because he was too much of an abstract idea. He was much nicer to say than It!

Goodness id have been really angry if the Sonographer had told me at my scan without me asking! That would have been awful and totally ruined the moment.

I find it strange that some people think that not revealing (or not finding out) the sex of the baby shows they don't care what sex the baby is.

After all, you find out all sorts of things about the baby during scans, and while some of them are very important, others ('ooh, the baby is scratching its arse!') couldn't possibly matter less.

Now, you wouldn't find many people entreating the sonographer not to mention it if their baby was an arse-scratcher, or keeping that information shrouded in mystery, because that genuinely doesn't matter.

We really wanted a girl so asked to find out at our 20 week scan. The first thing I saw was this little Penis wiggling at me! It was good we found out because it gives us time to get used to the idea of having a boy and I enjoyed buying little boys clothes. I couldn't love him more he's perfect!

We left it as a surprise at the birth, it was right for us because we imagined it would be a nice way to find out.

I dont anyone who finds out before for what ever reason.

This isn't the first time ive come across smugness from people who choose to wait til the birth to find out though.

I'm hoping the bonding starts before they're here, I feel so unprepared. It also makes me feel guilty when I hear other people talk about how excited they are.

But anyway, that's my reason for wanting to find out the gender.

My reasons were that it helps me to bond with the baby. Have had no preference each time, just wanted to think of them as a boy or a girl rather than an it.
This

I found out at my 20 week scan because I wanted to find out everything I could about my child. I would have equally said "yes" to finding out her eye colour/hair colour/the softness of her skin if it were possible.

Find out or don't find out, whatever you want, but don't judge people for their choices either.

For someone who isn't judgemental, you certainly sound it.

We found out because we could. The woman scanning me knew, why should she be the only one in the room who did - she was telling us what everything else was she could see!

I've never been told what sex my baby is at the point of birth to compare experiences, but I can tell you that it's pretty bloody magical to be given your baby full stop. That's the miracle, right there.

I can't bring myself to be bothered either way but what amazed me was the amount of people who acted almost personally insulted that we didn't find out, and seemed astounded that we managed to buy the first 6 months worth of clothes despite not knowing our baby's sex.

Now the thing that i don't get is how people announce the full name before baby is born. What if baby isn't the sex you've been told? What if they just don't look like a Joan or a John to you when they are born? What if you just change your mind? That would stress me out, we had a girls name at 20 weeks and we had a boys name too, but then changed our mind on the boys name a month or so later despite having been pretty firm on it!

Yes I found people struggled to cope with us not finding out!

& the reason decided not to find out (DH didn't want to know the sex) was because I would have panicked about them getting it wrong. So despite being a massive planner and struggling with surprises usually, the idea of finding out and it being wrong stressed me out more than just not knowing, which I was surprisingly blasé about for me! (even though I know logically that is highly unlikely!)

head it's really odd isn't it? I even got asked when I was heavily pregnant why I hadn't had my 20 week scan by a hcp after answering that I didn't know the sex! As if it isn't an option to remain in the dark about it any more!

We genuinely thought that we were having a boy as the sonographer kept telling us to look away as it would be obvious otherwise. So we were doubly surprised that she was a girl ;)

I had to get them to write in the notes that I didn't want to know. I didn't want it slipping out from a HCp when DH was not there.

Talking about the gender of an unborn child is one of my pet hates. A newborn has a sex, not a gender. Gender piles in all too soon with pink and blue clothes, even the way people talk to an infant, but at birth a child only has a sex.

Why is it always inferred that people who find out the sex are somehow inferior? Like they must have a flawed character to want to know. Like they couldnt restrain themselves enough to wait.
And people with the whole 'oh I didn't care which sex it was, I was just thrilled to be having a baby'. Please. My eyes practically roll out of my head when I hear that.

I completely do not understand (and, after hearing all the judgement the other way, i let my judgement fly free) why people would wait?
Is the birth of your baby not an event enough that you need to have a 'suprise' at the end of it?
Meeting my babies for real was wonderful enough, I didn't need to add a manufactured, idealised cliché to that moment for it to be perfect.

Finding out at the birth isn't always a special, magical moment. It wasn't for me with DD1 as it was all rather traumatic and emergency situation!
For that reason we have found out this time around at the 20 week scan, and now we also know we can reuse the girly stuff for DD2 instead of clearing it out!

Psychedelic, you find out if it helps. Had I had a second, I would've found out to help dd make the transition. And to help me.

And don't be fooled by other people gushing with joy blah blah blah. I learned the hard way that they are either having a great day just then or they need to assert themselves like this to make themselves feel better. You will have tough days and great days. Don't be embarrassed if it is more the former than the latter. There's good advice on here and should be in real life too.