Dick moves your pets have made

[MyPuppyIsADick]

I know I'm probably BU to start a thread inspired by HardLightHologram's thread but it's too well timed not to.

Last night my 9 month old pup busted out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and went on a rampage. Woke up at 6am to find a hole in one of the couch cushions, a cushion that was a wedding gift with all the stuffing torn out it, chewed woodwork at the top of the stairs and THREE(!) shits dotted about the place. Including one on the new hall carpet. And she ate a sponge that was left out in the bathroom

She's fine by the way, I was worried she'd eaten foam but she seems to have just trailed it around the whole fucking upstairs.

Fast forward 14 hours and I'm just about over it. Does anyone else have any stories of their pets being dicks to make me feel better about my own shit literally morning?

One of my cats used to steal food off my plate - if he couldn't get it, he would do a soggy sneeze on the food instead so I couldn't eat it anyway

Foslady Foscat isn't ginger by chance chance is he? My parents had a ginger that used to chase dogs 😂😂

Back when my now-DH and I first started dated, he stayed over for the first time. My cat, who was very used to spreading out over more than half of my King size bed, appeared a little put out.

I heard the cat come in in the morning and it sounded like he was eating all his biscuits. He usually has a few in the morning, then comes back at intervals during the day to eat a few more. But this morning I could hear him scoffing - very unusual.

Cat then pushes his way into the bedroom, jumps up onto the bed and throws up all over now-DH's feet. It could only have been deliberate! I'm amazed there were any more dates!

Lemon The fact he's now your DH shows what a good bloke he is

Tbf we have had Siamese all of my life - they are permanently being dicks

Chocolate - beautiful dog. How could you be mad at that face?!

My rat hid my driver's license and bank card.

Finally found them along with £20 and pack of cigarettes she had also pilfered.

Sybys

She was obviously planning to hire a car in your name

I once saw my dog running round the garden with something in her mouth. I shouted for her to leave it but she wouldn't. It was after about 5 minutes of chasing I realised it was a ducks beak - she then vomited the ducks head at my feet and I had the joy of pulling said headless duck through the tiny duck head sized hole in the fence.

I don't like to think the duck had popped it's head in for a look and then had it chewed off. It must have been a fox!

One of the rabbits - has never chewed before or since but a week after we got him did ONE bite through the power cable to the wifi router. No probs, think I, I'll buy another power cable. No, says sky, we have made it so they only work with our cable, that'll be £60 please..

Same rabbit hates humans, other rabbits have always loved a bit of fuss but god forbid you should go anywhere near him, he looks at you with utter disdain.

Same rabbit before he had the snip sprayed me with stinky boy wee whenever I was in the room and thumped at me constantly!

He's named after Arthur Weasley, I'm reconsidering 'voldemort'

Oh god and we used to have degus, came down one morning to find 2 had ganged up on their brother and devoured him!!!!!!!

My soaniel loved to eat crayons. And then poop technicolor.

*spaniel

Boy cat threw up all over the floor at the bottom of the stairs. I stood in it. This was three days ago. i had bare feet.

Girl cat 3 who has been with us since August had taken to pissing on DD2's rug. Rug has been washed. Rug peed on again. Rug removed.

For the last two days girl cat 3 has been pissing all over the floor in the conservatory in front of the litter tray. I'm not sure what point she's trying to make but I'm not happy. She has her own litter tray upstairs which she uses without incident.

Girl cat 2 regularly attacks me and girl cat 1 loves to cry to come in and then has a poo in the litter tray and throws up a fur ball on the rug in the living room.

I wish I had a pet! These are hilarious! My aunt's dog once ate all my Lush bubble bar slices. And the dog I grew up with used to eat wasps regularly and spend the rest of the day looking like a hamster and whimpering. Collies are supposed to be intelligent.

Dick-cat decides to visit me whilst i'm in the bath last night...drumming on the door like Dave Grohl on speed, get out of bath and let her in. usually she would sit on the closed loo seat, not last night...no, last night she decides to have a wander around the edge of the wet, slippery bath.. i now have deep scratches on my belly, shoulder and the end of my fucking nose!

Dick-dog farts under my nose, looks at ME in disgust and walks away. every.single.day.

Ask remembered my family dog. Was choking on a bone he has stolen out of the bin. His eyes were glassy and his face was going blue. I put my hand down his throats and pulled it out (panicking like mad). As soon as it dislodged enough that he could breath (still stuck at the back of his throat though), he bit down and tried to swallow it again
I ended up having to shout loudly and tell him off while my fingers were stuck down his throat - and he still tried to nick the bloody bone back once I got it out!

Same dog ate the wheels of our black bin, was put outside for a wee in the snow and promptly dug a hole in it and went to sleep. He was white so hard to spot.
He also escaped as a puppy. A poor old lady who was gardening found him sat in her kitchen cheerfully eating her cats dinner

Our Bengal cat once shat in our suitcase the night before we went on Honeymoon! As in like 10pm the night before an 8am flight! Was out open on the bed as we sorted clothes to pack

This is an official complaint. There are not enough cute cat photos on this thread.

EVERY SINGLE DAY at 6pm, just as we sit down to dinner, our little cat comes indoors and takes an enormous stinky shit in the litter tray.

The fucking cat has pulled up all the rubber lining around the edge of the bathroom floor. Every. Single. Piece

Dick

My dad's intact male lab has recently decided he's joining me and my girl on the single bed when I visit.

As my girl sleeps at my feet and obviously my head is at the other end, it means he keeps teabagging me while trying to find a space.

She's also become a bugger for the Christmas tree. It's becoming tedious to chase her away every 5 mins.

Here is the madam in question

Loving this thread!

This morning I have caught this peering through the glass in the kitchen door . Has now worked out how to open the yard gate , and was stealing from the crate of apples outside . Totally unapologetic that he gave me hell of a surprise when I looked up from loading the dishwasher .

Our cat, almost still a kitten at the time, ate one of those metal hooks that screw into the ceiling to hang things on. I woke up one night to the sound of him retching in the corner of the bedroom and when I checked there was the hook, about 2 inches long, in a pile of cat vomit. I don't know where he found it (not our hook), or how he managed to swallow and throw it up without injuring himself.