Dick moves your pets have made

[MyPuppyIsADick]

I know I'm probably BU to start a thread inspired by HardLightHologram's thread but it's too well timed not to.

Last night my 9 month old pup busted out of the bedroom in the middle of the night and went on a rampage. Woke up at 6am to find a hole in one of the couch cushions, a cushion that was a wedding gift with all the stuffing torn out it, chewed woodwork at the top of the stairs and THREE(!) shits dotted about the place. Including one on the new hall carpet. And she ate a sponge that was left out in the bathroom

She's fine by the way, I was worried she'd eaten foam but she seems to have just trailed it around the whole fucking upstairs.

Fast forward 14 hours and I'm just about over it. Does anyone else have any stories of their pets being dicks to make me feel better about my own shit literally morning?

Our old Siamese was fascinated by my having morning sickness. My morning routine used to be:

-puke in the toilet
-chase cat who had vomit on his head from sticking his head in to watch
-wash cat's head

He hated being washed, but never seemed to connect the two. Dick.

DDog1 got into a box of chocolates that child me had left on the floor after receiving them as a Christmas gift. This was not a wise move on my part. Next thing I knew, the (toy sized) DDog1 had eaten almost all of the box of chocolates, which was a fair quantity! As it was Christmas Day and the vets would have been extortionately expensive, we decided to keep an eye on DDog1 and take her if she started to look unwell. She was absolutely fine, and eventually died years later of old age! Ever since then I've been pretty convinced that the whole chocolate is dangerous to dogs things is overhyped...

DDog1, in her old age, would demand to come out for a walk with DDog2 (younger, fitter, less lazy) and after 10 minutes or so she'd refuse to walk another step. Cue me carrying her across the common for the next 50 minutes or so and getting some very strange looks.

DDog2's dick moves usually involved peeing on things he shouldn't have and eating things he shouldn't have (cabbage was, apparently, utterly delicious )

DHamster was let out to free range in the kitchen as it's the only secure and non-carpeted room. I'd put the cables out of reach, shut the doors, blocked off the fridge... Next thing I know she's disappeared. I eventually worked out that she was under the fridge, eating crumbs which are certainly older than the hamster herself. I had to get into such an awkward position to coax her out with a treat that I put my back out She thought it was a great adventure

And Bastard Parrot... the less said about that one the better, but let's just say that a bite from a beak that is capable of cracking nut shells is not pleasant. I don't think we ever forgave it for eating an elderly relative's hearing aid - that was an awkward trip to the audiology department for a stern telling off about how hearing aids and parrots don't mix...

Livia, wouldn't call her poor. She's a little monster. Spent the next two hours on me. It's my first day off and I decided that I won't move from the sofa for a whole half day. She was a happy bunny.

Mimsy lifelong meezer slave here so I totally get you

Dog picked up my vibrator from under the bed and put it his own bed for my teenage stepdaughter to find. Awkward.

My cats have a synchronised Dick Move that goes like this:

• at about 4.30am, Stripeycat (little and excitable) bounces into the bedroom and starts mewling.
• there is no point trying to ignore her. If you ignore her for six hours she will make that noise for six hours. It's best to deal with it immediately
• I get up and carry Stripeycat downstairs. (If I'm getting up then I'm bloody well getting a cuddle out of it)
• I put Stripeycat in the library where the food and litter tray are
• ShyCat watches with interest but does not follow until I rattle the Dreamies packet. I have to do this because if I leave Stripeycat to catch ShyCat, Stripeycat will escape, and ShyCat has to join her in the library otherwise she will be sealed away from the food and litter-tray
• both cats look at me with melting expressions. I give them Dreamies and shut them in the library
• I go back to bed knowing I have just been conned into getting up at 4.30am to give the cats some cat-treats

THE MOST DICKISH PART OF THIS DICK-MOVE: if I suggest we shut the cats in the library when we go to bed as a prophylactic measure, my DS becomes distraught and begs me not to, because sometimes (when she isn't bothered about 4.30am treats) Stripeycat goes in to his room in the night to sleep on his pillow, which is his most favourite thing in the whole world. Stripeycat has actually anticipated and neutralised by response to her Dick Move. She is an evil genius. It's a good job she's so cute.

Outrageous You have a library??

We have a bookshelf that we call the library. Although, more often than not it is filled more with cat than books.

P.S. That's not even our cat.

I lost the cat this evening.....I was wrapping presents, in the bedroom with the cat fast asleep in the shower room...I did, at one point, wander off to the garage to get some more wrapping paper and a present. I put the presents in a box in the side loft, shut the door etc.

Then a while later realised the cat wasn't in the shower room and I couldn't find him anywhere. I did look loft a few times but ended up going up and down our close looking for him

Had one last look in the loft and his little face appeared.....he had gone down the far end and got past where the dormer window is ...I hadn't realised this far end could be accessed.

The little bugger.....

My username says it all really

Lemon
I was sat on the sofa, cat walks in and jumps on my lap. Engrossed in TV so I'm stroking the cat when my own cat walks in and does "BAD human" face at me
It was next doors cat

Cat. Smashed my laptop and numerous other things. Hence the name -- Kaiju

My beloved fucking beagle emptied the bin and ate 2 raw chicken breasts. We woke up the next morning to a sea of shit in the kitchen....the same day we had house viewings!!!

I am not happy with Small Ginger. I was making a facemask yesterday with a tub of Indian clay powder. I left it out on the kitchen counter with the lid off. It's a big bugger of a tub; I thought Small Ginger would never be able to manoeuvre it off the countertop.

I was wrong.

It took at least an hour to clean it up. It was like that 'colour festival', but plain gry. I'm still glimpsing the powder whenever I walk through the kitchen.

shakes fist at Small Ginge

*grey not gry

My childhood cat caught a vole one day. We recognised her 'bringing home a gift' meow so left her outside. DB hadn't realised this and opened the door to leave to meet his girlfriend. It was his 21st birthday. The vole had managed to get away from the cat and had hidden under the draft excluder on the door. When the door opened, the vole was left exposed, and darted under the door and under the bookcase behind the door, where we had a pile of the big velvet draft excluders (it was a cold house pre-central heating!) From there, as the draft excluders were moved, it darted under the living room door and there began several hours of hunt the vole.

Every article of furniture was moved, including the piano! At one point, DB suggested they stay still and the vole would venture into the open. After a considerable time of playing at statues, DB moved and the bloody vole was sitting under the flared leg of his jeans!

Eventually, the vole was caught and evicted, the living room looked like a bomb site and DB was very, very late for his date (and surprise party!) Where was the cat during all this? She was sitting on the windowsill, enjoying the show immensely!

In the spring of each year, she would carefully carry home unharmed baby bunnies and let them go in the garden. Our garden was enclosed on all side by a high stone wall, so we spent hours catching the little buggers and setting them free in the fields nearby.

She also used to stroll casually into the room when my MIL came to visit. MIL was terrified of cats. Cat was usually terrified of people, but she sensed that MIL was scared and reveled in her power!

@lemonredwood yeah sorry that made me sound way more fancy than I actually am! I'm a writer so we have a lot of books, so turned what should probably be our dining room into a library. It's the place the cats and I go to hide when the rest of the family are being dreadful.

@lemonredwood yeah sorry that made me sound way more fancy than I actually am! I'm a writer so we have a lot of books, so turned what should probably be our dining room into a library. It's the place the cats and I go to hide when the rest of the family are being dreadful.

This thread is hilarious.

Am feeling broody for a fur baby after seeing all of your lovely pics

Outrageous
I need a library!

Cat had been kept indoors and limited to two rooms when we got her so was wild with delight when introduced to the great outdoors. She'd go full tilt for the slightest opening to nirvana until the day she belted head first into the closed patio door

She's been a bit less impulsive since.

When I was a kid my mum was defrosting the turkey for xmas dinner. My brother left the kitchen door open and the two cats went into the kitchen and started eating the turkey. My mum had to run out on Christmas Eve and get another turkey. 10 years later my mum still rants about it haha

Mummy that reminds me of MIL's cat...going back a few years (33 odd) they had a very old cooker..the freestanding sort that had legs...it also had a big vent at the bottom of the oven at the back.

MIL was one of these that cooks her turkey overnight on low...when she came to take it out the oven it had been got at, and half a leg eaten