To think it's ok for a newborn to cry?

[Refluxsux]

Baby is 7 weeks old and has silent reflux treated with Ranitidine. Late afternoon/early evening are his worst times which happen to coincide with the only time I get to be with my older son after school. I've been letting the older child watch wayyyy too much tv to get us through while I endlessly feed/jiggle/do squats/use white noise etc to try and settle the baby. If I persist with going up and down the stairs for about 20 minutes I can usually get him to nod off but it's killing my knees. So tonight I could tell he just needed to sleep so I popped him in the bouncy chair put the white noise on and let him scream for five minutes. I stayed with him and stroked his face (not that he noticed!) but I didn't pick him up. After five awful minutes I picked him up and gave him a cuddle and he fell asleep almost immediately and I could put him back in the bouncy chair. Am I being awful to him? I'm just so tired and my older child is so fed up. He almost seemed to need to scream for a few minutes before he could calm down or am I being dilusional?

All I can say is hang in there although it's very hard and draining. My baby was like this all through the summer and I have an older child too who I felt I was neglecting as the baby just cried pretty much 90% of the time. She's 6 and half months now and life is so much better. She's much more settled and really great to be with. But 3 or 4 months ago I wouldn't have thought this.
It feels like it will never end but it does in a few short months.
My baby has never liked slings or carriers either

OP how are you dosing the ranitidine? I found that it needed to be spaced out evenly throughout the day so I worked on an 8 hour schedule around a time I knew he would feed in the night.

Also the dosage needed to be adjusted quite regularly as it's weight based and obviously they put on weight quite quickly at this age so it could be worth getting him weighed and having a chat with the doctor.

So much guilt isn't there. I remember wailing that I'd ruined my older DS's life but that's what sleep deprivation does. I liked having the baby downstairs and setting my DS up with a puzzle/iPad/game/craft stuff so that I could at least grab a few minutes with him. It started getting easier when I saw how much he loved the baby and mostly just wanted to help. Putting music on seemed to shift the mood. Going out for a walk helped, even just to local shop. Just know it's all a phase...

The trick I found with the dummy was to aim it up towards the roof of the mouth, seems to trigger sucking. If really persist with trying as it made a huge difference for us. What also sometimes works is popping it in while they are asleep or very close to sleep.

Try different shaped dummies? My daughter would never touch anything other than the flatter new born type ones (this was 10yrs ago so not sure if they still make them!!) They def saved my sanity more than once.

PETRONELLAS I cried inconsolably at my mum's a few days ago because my 6yo had told me earlier that day that he didn't feel very loved right now and I thought I'd damaged him by having another child to the point of changing his entire personality. My mum was lovely and rather than look at me in disbelief and say 'don't be so stupid - I had three of you', she just said she understood but that ds is a lovely, well grounded little boy and he'd come through it given a little time and patience. The guilt of parenthood is literally unending.

I have nuk orthodontic and soothies. Any magical brand I'm missing? I'll try heating up dummies and see if it helps. We saw the doctor this morning who changed the dose to .7 x 2 day so maybe that will help although I read some not great things about the safety and efficacy of H2 blockers and PPI inhibitors in infants. Essentially they all came out the same as placebo but the risks and side effects are a bit alarming!

Dd preferred basic tommee tippee ones, the more classic dummy shaped rubber teat rather than the various fancy orthodontic ones. No class that kid

MAM were the only dummies DS2 took (until he turned 6mo and considered himself far too important for any dummy).

I found dipping the dummy in gripe water helped with dd's colic.

I can tell you now that from birth my ds never,EVER just fell asleep even if I was holding him. He ALWAYS cried beforehand. It was his way of saying he was over tired and felt crap.

Some babies just don't like a dummy.

Putting him down after you tried comforting him was right for you. He wasn't abandoned as he had his face stroked and knew you were there. You couldn't do much more for him and your other little one.

Have you tried expressing so he has more in one go and then sleeps a bit longer....or would that not work with his reflux?

If he went to sleep he was tired and ready to sleep. If he'd been distraught he wouldn't have gone to sleep so quickly.

What exactly are attachment issues and how does one spot them (or know definitely one's child is 'securely attached' )

I let my baby cry lots of times (I was potty training the big one and there was often literally shit everywhere) but I think they're both happy and emotionally sound. I'm just not really sure what attached means?

There's lots about attachment issues in adults if you feel like googling but honestly, they aren't caused but babies crying for five minutes.

No I didn't expect them to be :)

What are they in kids? How would you tell?

OP, I've posted many times on here about my DC (now 6 months) who wouldn't sleep without crying. She didn't have reflux, she just cried A LOT before she went to sleep. This was irrespective of whether I bounced her, rocked her, patted her, had her in the sling. She would also scream in the car seat, so like the PP poster I was essentially letting her CIO just by driving anywhere (I had to drive a 30 minute trip once every week to see my ill grandmother).

Was it horrible? Yes. Did I feel terrible about it? Yes. This is all without having a baby with reflux. I've had lots of support on this forum, and I hope you have too. I'm actually incredulous and angry that previous posters are remotely suggesting that what you have done is bad or damaging. I find it so incredibly insulting and guilt-laden. I can't for one moment understand why anyone would want a new mother in your position, who has done NOTHING wrong, to feel like that. You sound brilliant and are being a loving mother to both of your children.

If you've done something that is damaging to their child, then I (and many more) have fucked their children up beyond all recognition. Apols for the rant, this has just touched a massively raw nerve.

HTH.

My dh works with children with severe emotional and behavioural issues, some of whom have attachment disorders. Don't google the sort of treatment that causes attachment disorder as it will break your heart. It doesn't include putting a reflux baby down for a few minutes when they are crying with exhaustion or ignoring a baby briefly whilst changing a toddlers pooey nappy.

At the end of the day, babies are part of a family and a family has to work for everyone in it. DS1 could be absolutely incessant with his crying and occasionally I would pop him safely in his cot and have a ciggy or a snack and a little cry (crying babies really get to me after a while) then go back in for more soothing. He is now a bouncy cuddly mummy's boy. You're a good mum OP.

Nothing wrong with what you did OP.
With refluxee DS, I used a baba sling and put him in an upright position (easy tiger, sort of looking out 3/4 with head/neck resting on the padded edge).
It sounds like he might get overtired in the evening. What worked with mines was monitoring awake time (for example 2 hours between naps). They both fell aaleep on the boob mainly and in darkened room from 3-4 months as were too easily distracted after that age.
Good luck! Perhaps your DH could take some time off. It's very intense and you need support.

Oh, and the wedge on mattress didn't help with reflux but was useful when DS had a cold.

Op (and many pps here) are not, absolutely not doing cio. Actual crying is not bad for a baby, it's being left to cry without anyone attempting to comfort them. Op you were present and sitting with baby while crying, so she knew you were there. Too often I think we underestimate the value in just sitting with our children through their difficult emotions or experiences. It's not always fixing it, just being there.
Incidentally my youngest had colic when I also had a 2 year old at home full time. It's horror and you feel awful that you can't help them.
On a practical note, has your gp suggested you try a hypoallergenic formula if you're ff? Good luck x

Haven't read the full thread (did read the first fair few responses).

I think fine to leave him for 5 mins. He might settle better that way; he's crying anyway if you're jiggling him around so I don't see what the benefit is - plus, most importantly, you have two children, and as you point out - your older child needs you too, and needs to see that you can still sometimes prioritise him (or her?).

You are doing a great job!

Ok so for the dummy, my daughter took it no problem but my son needed it but wouldn't take it at first. I had to put it in his mouth and keep tapping on it to stop him spitting it out. I did that a few minutes at a time and one day it just clicked and he latched onto it. I've only just taken it away at 2.5 years.

My daughter (both kids were reflux) did the dummy to bottle swap every bedtime. Dummy for a minute, scream, bottle for a few minutes, scream... repeat until she passed out.

My son needed to be cuddled, and then put down for a couple of minutes, then when I picked him up again he would pass out. No rocking or walking or patting worked for him. He HATED carriers/slings of any kind.

He wanted cuddles but needed space to get ready to sleep.

Medication wise - lactose free formula and gaviscon helped us. Ranitidine didn't help us much.

Fingers crossed you figure out the right combination for your little one.

And not all babies need to be rocked and bounced to sleep - they are all different

Good to hear someone else had to do the dummy swap routine too, MIL honestly thought I was totally crazy!