To think it's ok for a newborn to cry?

[Refluxsux]

Baby is 7 weeks old and has silent reflux treated with Ranitidine. Late afternoon/early evening are his worst times which happen to coincide with the only time I get to be with my older son after school. I've been letting the older child watch wayyyy too much tv to get us through while I endlessly feed/jiggle/do squats/use white noise etc to try and settle the baby. If I persist with going up and down the stairs for about 20 minutes I can usually get him to nod off but it's killing my knees. So tonight I could tell he just needed to sleep so I popped him in the bouncy chair put the white noise on and let him scream for five minutes. I stayed with him and stroked his face (not that he noticed!) but I didn't pick him up. After five awful minutes I picked him up and gave him a cuddle and he fell asleep almost immediately and I could put him back in the bouncy chair. Am I being awful to him? I'm just so tired and my older child is so fed up. He almost seemed to need to scream for a few minutes before he could calm down or am I being dilusional?

Whatsername - ditto. And now she's a sensitive 5yo with some autistic traits and sensory stuff going on. Which is interesting. Actually still bedshare with her. Abd the 3yo. And the 4month old (have a specially extended bed now! )

My little girl is 3 now. She had silent reflux and nobody will ever know what I went through. Not even my DH who still got to "go to work for a break". It was heartbreaking. It was relentless. It was never ending. It pushed me to the the brink and almost ended my relationship. She screamed and cried NO MATTER what we did. Omeprazole saved us. Anyway apart from that - the jumperoo was a life saver once she was old enough. It kept her upright and gave my arms and back a break. See your Dr about changing mess and be kind to yourself. You need to prioritise your own sanity. I wish I had asked for help. I cannot even look at photos of the first year of her life. It will get better.

** meds not mess!

queenarseclangers why are you posting a link to an article on 'crying it out'- which is essentially leaving a baby to cry on their own for a long amount of time with no comfort?
This is not what the OP has done, she let her baby cry for 5 minutes whilst stroking his face! Completely different.
Besides which, the article you linked to is very poorly researched and would have no credibility whatsoever in any properly peer reviewed scientific journal.

I cannot urge people enough to consider cows protein intolerance. giving up dairy and soya (and checking labels obsessively) cured both of my colicky screamers within 3 days. wish I'd realised earlier with both of them, but when you're in that hell you don't think straight.

Sometimes a baby has to cry for five minutes. It's not helpful to say how distressing it is for a baby - what are parents of multiples supposed to do?

Leaving a baby to cry for five minutes every so often even without stroking their face is nothing to worry about. You are allowed to have a poo on your own, or have a shower, or just take yourself away for a little cry. Or even deal with other children!

Definitely go back to the doctors for a review of meds! I'm posting a lot on this thread because I've been there. I love my dd more than life, but the early days were hell. It gets better though!

For all the perfect mothers who would never leave their babies to cry. If a baby is crying non stop it may be best for mums sanity to put baby down for a few minutes and leave the room. Don't feel bad for it op.

My dd had a lactose sensitivity and Colief really helped.

My DD had silent reflux and it was nightmare. What saved my sanity was a didymos wrap, which meant I could have her upright and on me, but still do other things.

OP, your baby was not left to cry. You were right there next to the bouncer, stroking his face for comfort, he wasn't alone and he wasn't ignored. I promise you haven't damaged him or caused any sort of attachment issues.

I've never had a baby with silent reflux but I have reflux caused by pregnancy, every night I wake up literally choking on a mouth and throat full of my own stomach acid. If this is anything like what babies with silent reflux feel then I'm not surprised the poor little things scream, it's awful.

I've got three DC (this will be my fourth) and at times I've had to prioritise the needs of one child over another or the needs of myself over those of the children. At times this does mean letting a child cry, it can't be helped, but there is a world of difference between leaving a child to scream alone for hours on end and letting a child cry for 5-10 minutes while you're sitting alongside offering a comforting touch.

Don't give it a further thought

I think in bouncer with you stroking face, 5mins is fine. But baby should be in the Same room as you or another adult until at least 6months due to sids. So doing that in living room then spending time helping son with homework is fine. Not fine if your leaving baby in room by himself

Whatsername - just for interest - did you breastfeed, and if so did you gave a bit of an oversupply? I've noticed in my peer supporting that a lot of babies who have a mother with oversupply seem to develop a lactose sensitivity that responds to colief (and working on the oversupply of course)

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

Just because you asked.

Do what you need to do to stay sane and don't worry. I've learnt this the hard way. All will be fine with the baby. They are very forgiving!

Letting your baby cry while you are next to them and stroking their face is not going to do them any harm what so ever.

You sound like a wonderful mother who is doing her best for the whole family.

If a baby is crying non stop it may be best for mums sanity to put baby down for a few minutes and leave the room

Official advice is if your baby is crying to the point that you're about to lose your mind, you should put the baby down somewhere safe (such as a cot or playpen) and walk away for five minutes to try and collect yourself before going back in.

I had primary lactation failure so couldn't breastfeed but tried very hard to establish a supply. GP'S first diagnosis was that she was hungry due to my non supply. When things didn't improve with formula (after an initial reprieve due to her actually getting something) they eventually diagnosed lactose sensitivity. The colief helped until I weaned her a milk became a secondary source of nutrition. Hoping this baby is easier and the boobs work second time around!

I think do what you need to do, you sound like a loving mother and sometimes imo babies just cry.

My dd cried a lot and doing anything seemed to make it worse, she has since found to have sensory processing difficulties which explains why she was actually happier when left alone in a dark room. All stimulus including me holding her, rocking her, feeding her, stroking or patting her was over whelming for her when she was tired. It likewise explains why she hated the sling and co-sleeping just resulted in more tears, not all babies are the same!

I find it completely ridiculous that people can use evidence that shows how children who were significantly neglected, emotionally abused and therefore unsurprisingly had attachment issues has anything at all to do with your post.

The OP asked for info, the links I posted had a study that said there is a difference between leaving baby on her own crying for a long time vs being with crying baby whilst holding/soothing/stroking (which is what OP is doing!)

Op, you are doing a great job coping with a difficult colicky baby. No harm will come to leaving DS to cry for 5 minutes.

My now adult DC were sometimes left to cry for a while to see if they settled themselves within a few minutes. They are all happy, healthy, emotionally balanced, intelligent people in good jobs who have not been damaged by crying as babies.

I'd love to see whoever wrote that stupid 'research' cope with a reflux baby for a few weeks with no sleep and no help!

Op you nothing too add, you have had some really good & supportive posts upthread sensible & practical yy don't click on the links, a world of difference between a very short period of crying, whilst you are near & comforting baby, too neglect & not meeting any of the child's needs.
Look after yourself & please don't be hard on yourself💐

Whatsername - good luck for this time :) I've known 2 mothers that were able to feed with baby #2 who had insufficient supply first time round - although one of them actually had insufficient glandular tissue so had to supplement a bit.

A wrap style sling will be nice and tight and comforting. Try a sling library before you buy of pennies are short.

I would stick with the TV route tbh, it isn't forever.

Can you get dd's medication reviewed? I fostered a baby with reflux and poor thing cried so much. She had a thickener for her milk and the milk was some foul tasting milk free liquid. She had omeprazole also. Poor baby! Nothing really worked until she began to eat solids. I feel your tiredness and frustration