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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
Kel1234 · 12/12/2016 11:55

I agree, it's a bit of fun. Not really lying. And when they grow up and have children, they will understand why it's done

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 11:56

and the Santa one is a pretty big, years-long lie which I'd rather not do

You may want to do it when you have young DC you seem to be missing the point - they want to believe. And you may be inflicting your own ideas on them when they dont want it.

Ankleswingers · 12/12/2016 11:57

What a depressing thread Sad

Natsku · 12/12/2016 11:58

My parents raised us (5 of us) without the Father Christmas story and with the exception of one of my brothers, we didn't ruin it for anyone else so I think its entirely possible.

I would much rather not do the Father Christmas thing either but my OH wants to, and his family does it and we go to their house to open presents and the neighbour comes dressed up as Father Christmas to bring them so its hard to escape.

HolidayHunterTeam · 12/12/2016 12:03

I haven't read the full thread but I am hoping other peplle point out that lying is an important skill to teach a child. Not just that but also, its important that children know that people lie. For different reasons. Some good and some bad. I think to say santa is a lie you don't want to teach children is a really odd way of looking at the world.

It is completely harmless magical fun that last for only a few years. Why on earth taint it by calling santa a lie?

NickyEds · 12/12/2016 12:03

To those who don't do Santa- what do you do on Christmas Eve? (Genuine question!) Do you put your children's gifts out whenever they're bought and wrapped? Do you say 'after you've gone to bed mummy and daddy will put your presents out'?

Lweji · 12/12/2016 12:06

Yes, pretty much. DS knows he only gets the presents early on Christmas day because it's the day for presents.
Lately he has pushed for early presents. :)

Lweji · 12/12/2016 12:07

But we also do Norad Santa Tracking.

DS doesn't miss much fun, no.

FreezerBird · 12/12/2016 12:07

Christmas Eve - tree goes up, as do other decorations. Kids have new pjs, a new decoration each to put on the tree, the snuggly christmas blankets come out and we have an indoor picnic usually while watching the muppets.

Kids go to bed, we put presents under the tree, it's all there when they come down in the morning.

The line "the presents won't be under the tree until you're asleep so OFF YOU GO" may be uttered.

Natsku · 12/12/2016 12:10

My parents put the presents under the tree during the week before Christmas, really helped build the excitement up.

JacquesHammer · 12/12/2016 12:15

Let's face it - this isn't about Father Christmas at all.

It is about belief in your own superior parenting. Grin

Lweji · 12/12/2016 12:17

Reading the OP, I don't think it's about superior parenting.

We're just saying how we reconcile not saying Santa is real with Santa fun at Christmas. And how not to spoil it for others.

Either is fine, for me. Play Santa or not play Santa. I chose to keep it as a story and just fun.

Notagainmun · 12/12/2016 12:21

My best childhood memories are of Christmas and Father Christmas. My adult DC can't wait to experience the fairy tale with their own children after having wonderful Christmases themselves. Some very sad and boring parents around lately.

JacquesHammer · 12/12/2016 12:22

I have no idea if he ruined it for anyone and frankly don't care.
It's not my problem that other parents choose to lie to their children

Seems rather more judgemental but hey ho.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/12/2016 12:23

I find the whole insisting FC is a real person quite bizarre and for our family Christmas isn't about who brings us the presents.

FC is a nice story and sums up the spirit of Xmas and that's it, nothing more. Christmas for us is about family, carols and nice food - and presents!

We all have stockings ,even granny Smile

welshgirlwannabe · 12/12/2016 12:37

I'm not British or Christian and so don't celebrate Christmas. We celebrate another holiday that is more low key and has no santa type characters.

Anyway, when my son was little I just explained that different people like to believe in different things and it's rude to tell them they're wrong. So even though we don't believe in santa other children do and that's okay. Tbh that's the same way I explained heaven and jesus and the easter bunny.

He did tell his friend that santa is a myth, but his friend appeared unscathed.

The thing is childhood is magical enough if you just leave them to it. My son had a fabulous imagination. For years he was a space puppy having all kinds of adventures. His favourite thing to play with friends was 'pretend you're...' and they were off. Kids create that for themselves if given half a chance. Not having santa does not equate to a childhood without 'magic'.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 12/12/2016 12:44

Have you ever seen a tiny child when they get up in the morning and Santa has been?

Yeah, that's because of the big pile of presents!Grin

welshgirlwannabe · 12/12/2016 12:47

Also having read more of the thread now can I just say that there is a difference between 'lying' to a just running toddler that mummy can't catch you and lying to your child by telling them a completely fabricated story and geeing them up until they buy it.

savagehk · 12/12/2016 13:09

We aren't doing the Santa / FC thing but to those who are considering it or do already, one thing that I have picked up elsewhere is that if you stick with the 'Santa brings presents to those kids who are good' line, some kids whose parents can't afford the latest fantastical whatever it is could feel they've been 'worse' than another kid whose parents did. So if you're going to do it, perhaps stick to the 'Santa does stockings' thing, or that your parents buy you the gifts from Santa (or some other middle ground).

Re various upthread posts - I don't lie to my 4yo about other things either. It seems bizarre to invent this whole story and stick with it for (potentially) years. If he asks questions about other things, even difficult ones, he gets answered in a factual and age appropriate way. And yes, we have handled death and pregnancy so far with that approach (the pregnancy one is going to need a little fleshing out soon, though!). And saying that the picture they drew is good - it is good for a toddler / 4 year old, no one's saying it's a piece of fine art?

I certainly don't think that religious parents do Santa more than others do (as someone suggested). If anything it detracts significantly from the actual Christmas story.

Nicpem1982 · 12/12/2016 13:25

Savage

I *agree re the stocking thing that's exactly why we do santa the way we do.

I think that the santa debate much like any parenting choice is about balance and the lesson here is respecting other people's parenting choices and what ever explanation you choose to give your child it's probably a good time to explain every family is different and that's fine too

In my small circle of friends we each have a different take on santa

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 13:28

Yeah, we never did the "Santa only brings you stuff if you're good" thing. We always said "Santa will bring you gifts he thinks you need. It might not be exactly what you wanted but he thinks you'll need them" which covered us for any time we couldn't get hold of what we wanted, but it also made them understand that some of their friends may have got 'lesser' presents but they never saw it as a bad thing but something positive.

AnnPerkins · 12/12/2016 13:29

Santa is a GAME! A sparkly, tinselly, use-your-imagination game that we play every year with the mince pies and stockings and carrots for Rudolph

^^This is how Christmas always was for me. And I loved it. I don't remember ever believing in FC. I always thought everyone just played the game.

DS wants to believe at the moment but he won't for much longer. We will always play the game after he stops believing though. Like we do with Jack Frost and the Tooth Fairy, who he absolutely doesn't believe is real.

BitchQueen90 · 12/12/2016 13:41

Completely up to you how you bring up your own children. I personally love seeing my DS get excited about Santa.

I find this whole "never lying" thing odd though. Sometimes bending the truth a little is OK. My DS asked why we don't live with daddy, I'm hardly going to tell him it's because I think his daddy is an arsehole. Which is the truth. Grin

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2016 13:46

I have given up seriously reading this thread Grin

Who would like to help me play bingo?

You are all fun-sucking miserygutses whose children will grow up to be bitter serial killers and THEN you'll be sorry

Well, you lot are all liars and your kids will be in therapy for YEARS, which is more expensive

I bet you don't even have children

I have fourteen children and I have never polluted them with television, lies or sugar

Any I've missed?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/12/2016 13:47

Oh, and, yeah -

I feel sorry for your children being brought up with no magic

Well I feel sorry for YOUR children being brought up on FILTHY FILTHY LIES