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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 10:52

Tallula

Yep, we told our kids they were just Santa's helpers who did it because Santa would be too busy.

EmzDisco · 12/12/2016 10:52

I will probably fo Santa for DD when she is old enough to have a clue, but try not to make a massive deal out of him, or set her up thinking he a massive toys r us delivery service.

Weird that the "defence" people have for him is that the world is harsh and this pretty odd imaginary man is a necessary antidote to this. Makes me wonder if these parents would make up anything just to make the world "better" for their DC, why stop at this!

As the OP I too think the world for all its faults is an amazing place which I can't wait to share with my DD, I hope that some gifts from Santa will be a very very tiny part of all the wonder and magic she experienced in her childhood.

merrymouse · 12/12/2016 10:52

that they are a really really fast runner who mummy can't catch

Except you aren't really trying to convince your child that they are brilliant at drawing or the best singer or the faster runner. They know that other people can draw or sing better. If they really thought you couldn't catch them it would be very frightening.

You are expressing love and playing, not trying to convince them that black is white.

mortificado · 12/12/2016 10:54

Maybe this is why I have so many problems, my parents lying to me about Santa, Easter bunny & the tooth fairy. ConfusedHmm

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 10:54

merrymouse

That was about the pets thing, not Father Christmas.

As for the Father Christmas thing, I don't really care, I just wish people would stop calling it lying.

Our fun christmas never relied on them believing in Santa, it was just a bit of a bonus. We still have an amazing time even though they don't believe anymore.

I do think it's nice for them to believe though. OK, if you don't want that fine but they have plenty of time to be adults and I used to quite like the fact that it was very innocent and they genuinely believed for a while that there was someone who could magically fly around and make Christmas a special time for millions of kids.

Poptartwish · 12/12/2016 10:56

Oh please, this is overthinking it in the extreme

like every aspect of parenthood nowadays

merrymouse · 12/12/2016 10:56

Makes me wonder if these parents would make up anything just to make the world "better" for their DC, why stop at this!

Nothing wrong with making things up. It's the confusion between making things up and Christmas depending on an elaborate hoax that is odd.

Enb76 · 12/12/2016 10:58

Children believe what they want to - despite me being a complete atheist and honest about it, my 8 year old has believed in the Ancient Greek gods ever since we read the mythology together and she doesn't believe in the Abrahamic God at all. When we're children we get to believe what we want as long as our parents don't stomp all over it - we may even know that it's not real and still 'believe'.

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 11:02

EmzDisco

Does it matter if we lie to our children? I lie to them and tell them about many things that as an adult I have to worry about. I don't tell them that they'll probably never own a home or get to retire. Why would I? They're 15! Let them figure that out when they're older and let them just enjoy life.

oblada · 12/12/2016 11:06

I am not comfortable going actively along the santa story either - I stopped believing v early on (brother told me when I was 5) and DH is from a v different culture so no santa there. That's our choice. What we do with the kids is similar to our approach to religion: let them find out themselves, let them decide and ask questions as and when they want to. My older girl (5) probably believes in Santa and seems to believe in God. She hasn't asked me anything outright so for now I leave it be. I'll play it by ear. As for "ruining" it for everyone well let kids be kids, as long as you bring up yours to be respectful of others I can't see any problem.
Christmas was definitely not less magical or exciting for me as a kid :)

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2016 11:07

My dc are well into their teens and know Santa is not real but loved it when they were little. They still do.

How I handled Santa is my business. If you choose to bring your children up not lying to them in any shape or form do you tell them the absolute truth on every occasion. I can think of at least a few occasions when you might circumnavigate the absolute truth.

Wonderflonium · 12/12/2016 11:17

Holy crap, you don't get a HAMSTER if you're not ready to talk about death to your kids.

KnitMeAUnicorn · 12/12/2016 11:19

Of course telling a few white lies at times is pretty much an essential part of parenthood, Olivers. But equating that with concocting a huge elaborate story and perpetuating it every Christmas is way off the mark.

LaurieMarlow · 12/12/2016 11:23

It's up to the individual obviously. My belief is that the concept of Santa brings something important to my children's lives and I will do all I can to foster that.

Other people will see things differently and obviously Santa is not the only way of bringing magic and generosity to their lives.

For me, denying Santa on the grounds of 'I don't want to lie' is missing the point (because I think truth is more complicated that this kind of black and white literalness) but that's just my opinion and everyone should just crack on with what they're comfortable with and believe is right.

FreezerBird · 12/12/2016 11:33

I don't particularly want to get involved in the argument, but OP you asked about how to avoid your child spoiling the Santa story for others, if you don't do Santa yourselves.

We don't do Santa. When dc were little we told them the story of St Nicholas, and how people leave presents as a way to remember his kindness. We also told them that lots of people play a game where they have presents from Santa, but really the presents are from their parents, and that it is not kind to spoil someone's game. So if their friends are saying 'Santa is going to bring me presents' it's not kind to say 'no he isn't!'.

Never had any problems.

The DCs still have stockings to open on Christmas morning, with small presents in them which are not marked as 'from' anybody. Big presents are from us and family. I've never come across anyone who gave the big presents as from Santa; I think that might be a newer thing as Santa certainly wasn't the big thing he seems to be now when I was little.

I don't think we had Father Christmas when I was a child either, although I can't really remember. I remember Christmas being brilliant though, so I don't think Santa's a deal-breaker.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2016 11:37

But equating that with concocting a huge elaborate story and perpetuating it every Christmas is way off the mark

Isn't that the nativity

HeCantBeSerious · 12/12/2016 11:41

I do find it sad though when some parents feel the need on this one day to scale back and give a wood and a whittler to show their dc the value of money and who the whittler came from.

We spoil our kids on the day that's special to them every year, not on a day dictated by society. I don't understand why people go wild over Xmas compared with birthdays.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 12/12/2016 11:45

😂😂😂😂😂 I remember saying the same when I was pregnant with my DD. All that poncy, philosophical attitude to parenting that only non-parent can have.

Now I'm (quietly) cursing the parents of a little darling that told my DD that it's the parents who buy presents.

PurpleDaisies · 12/12/2016 11:46

All that poncy, philosophical attitude to parenting that only non-parent can have.

How do you account for all the parents that don't do Santa? Hmm

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 12/12/2016 11:47

And lol at lying and blackmail. I do it all day long otherwisenI wouldn't leave the house in the morning. Bribery and blackmail. Amd no, not even with material things to ease your mind...

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2016 11:48

Hecantbeserious I think the poster was referring to a mum who only lets her dc have one present for Christmas and only one for birthdays. I.e only a colouring book for Christmas and crayons a few months later for birthday

Lweji · 12/12/2016 11:52

BTW, I never told DS that Santa was real, but after a couple of PNP videos he asked me if it was real. They are that good.
I then showed him how it was done.
We still love making and watching those clips, though. :)

Original poster
timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 11:52

Wonder, Juggling and Johnny and others, some great ideas you've got there, so we could still do Santa stuff (coz I'm not anti-Santa really, just don't wanna lie) but in play.

DH likes this idea too! Thanks guys! Time will tell if it will work in reality but at least this way if they end up actually believing then it's not through me lying to them, as I'll have always been honest about it just being a game (just like playing with any other toys or playing make believe), and if they don't, they don't.

Also to the people going on about how I've not conceived yet - I'm a born researcher, and I can't have kids right now (going to start trying next year when we're more financially ready) so I research stuff to help with my broodiness. Santa happens to be everywhere right now, so naturally I got thinking about it.

I'm not saying I'm never going to lie to my kid, who knows what might happen, but I am going to avoid it as much as I can and the Santa one is a pretty big, years-long lie which I'd rather not do. Anyway I still find Christmas magical at my age, I love decorating and the songs and movies, and going to Christmas markets (I've been working at some this year even!)... I really love Christmas, and hopefully that love will pass onto my kids without me having to make up stuff about Santa. I would actually like it if they believed in Santa TBH, I just don't want to lie to them.

Merrymouse I am one of those adult Harry Potter lovers lol!

Knitmeaunicorn thanks, that's great to hear your experience of it!

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 11:54

I lie to my DC about grandma in Heaven, I don't actually believe in heaven at all.

But saying to my DC that Granny is now bones and nothing else under soil is going to far in my book.

Am I wrong? Should I be sitting down and telling them the cold hard truth. Shall I also break it to them life is pretty shit actually, and grim and nasty and miserable? That one in three will catch cancer and it highly likely it will be them? Shall I continue to smile at MIL or shall I stop that white lie and tell them I cannot stand her? That grandpa is not a silly doddery old food but an alcoholic who can barely function?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 12/12/2016 11:55

I can see both sides of this. I want to bring DS up to be a rational thinker and we explain in detail the true way things work - nature, machinery, anything we can really. Then suddenly I'm explaining how 8 flying reindeer pull a sleigh through the air... I feel utterly ridiculous and he looks at me with those big trusting eyes and I'm completely skewing his understanding of reality. How does a reindeer fly? Magic is real now? All magic or just xmas magic? Once you start where do you stop?

He loves making cookies for Santa, and leaving them out with milk and a carrot. He loves meeting Santa at xmas parties. Is that enough? Does everyone go into detail about Santa
living at the North Pole with his elf factory? I have no idea how far to take this!

I hate elf on the shelf though and we don't use Santa as a form of control. I remember the story being just wonderful as a child and I want DS to have those memories. I really did wait up and watch for Santa!

I don't resent my parents lying to me about it. In fact it's those lies that show me they did care enough at the time to attempt to give me a nice childhood.