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Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2016 10:31

DD and ds are teens and still want Santa to visit. They love the idea of going to bed and waking up with presents from Santa.

I have had to sit through enough nativity and carol concerts each year. Santa in comparison is a very minor lie.

One boy in ds's class in primary had parents who insisted on not lying to him.
Everyone felt sorry for his completely joy free life.
Tv was for national geographic and news programmes only. One present only for Birthdays or Christmas. I.e he could choose a colouring book or crayons, not both.

Not too sure how his life is going to turn out but he always looked miserable when his mum came to collect him.

Krampus · 12/12/2016 10:31

Do it you want, if you don't? Then don't.

I was born in the early 70s and some of my Christian friends didn't do Santa at all, my parents were Christian and did but Santa was it was a small part of the day. For some of my school friends Santa was a big deal. My parents, fil and mil, didnt have Santa at all, they were given one present on Christmas morning. We all had great Christmases and our own traditions weren't spoilt because others did things differently. My own children have grown up with Hindu and Muslim friends and really it has had no adverse effects on their own enjoyment of getting a stocking from Santa.

Is an issue that's best not to over think,

Whisky2014 · 12/12/2016 10:32

purple you didnt get santa cause your parents didnt have muh money. Fine. OPs non existent kids wont get santa cause she's precious. I think they will resent her.

MarjorieSimpson · 12/12/2016 10:35

Actually I agree with purple.
I didn't set out to do it as such but I have always talked about death to my dcs in one way or the other. And yes I remember telling them that people were dying, and pets etc... and using the analogy of the flower that opens sup but then wilts.
The idea of death is everywhere incl in a lot of stories for children (Cinderella, sow white to talk about the very tame ones).

I have never lied about death to my dcs. Why should I have done that?
It is sad when a pet dies or a family members dies. Unfortunately it is also part of life.

It is a totally different issue than Santa though.

PurpleDaisies · 12/12/2016 10:36

purple you didnt get santa cause your parents didnt have muh money. Fine. OPs non existent kids wont get santa cause she's precious. I think they will resent her.

My post was badly worded. We didn't get Santa because my parents didn't agree with it. We hardly had many presents because my dad's business failed. We had wonderful Christmases because there's so much more to it than bloody Father Christmas. It doesn't follow that because there's no insistence that Santa is real that you'll get resentful children.

Tallulahoola · 12/12/2016 10:36

Can I ask what people tell them about the Father Christmas they see in a department store or wherever?

DD's nursery has a FC coming next week and they make a room into a grotto and he gives them each a book. Last year DD was 3 and said afterwards "That wasn't really Santa was it?" I muttered that I didn't think so and changed the subject. Now she's older and more interested so I know will ask more questions, like why he's turning up in the middle of the day when I've told her he only comes on Christmas Eve when children are asleep, and where are his reindeer... Do I just tell her he's a pretend one? I vaguely remember being confused about this when I was little. I've taken her to see The Gruffalo, Peppa etc and even at 3 she was saying "but that's not real, it's just people in a costume" Confused

Lweji · 12/12/2016 10:37

OPs non existent kids wont get santa cause she's precious. I think they will resent her.

Again, mine doesn't resent me, nor do I reset my parents. Nor my nephews resent my sister.
None of us is poor.

It would be a strange thing to resent your parents when you're older.

harderandharder2breathe · 12/12/2016 10:38

But you will lie to your nonexistent children

You will tell them their splodge of paint is gorgeous, their screeching is a beautiful singing voice, that they are a really really fast runner who mummy can't catch

You won't do those things forever, but who can look at s proud toddler and say "that's rubbish" ??

HeCantBeSerious · 12/12/2016 10:38

Do you actually have children? You get them a pet because they beg for one because their parents/cousins etc have them.

Bollocks. 5 year old DS begged for a phone last summer because all the adults have one. Presumably I should have preordered him an iPhone 7 immediately.

DD was 3 when her great grandmother died. We explained about death without heaven in a way she would understand. We didn't get someone else to pretend they were great grandma!

MarjorieSimpson · 12/12/2016 10:39

oliver what you are describing tough isn't 'not doing Santa'.

You can easily have Christmas, the magic of Christmas, presents in set the tree etc etc wo ever saying that Santa is real. Let alone to link it with the birth of Jesus, which after all, is the reason for Christmas in the first place.

It's a shame to automatically associate people who don't do Santa for various reasons (e.g. religious like one of my friends) and being joyless altogether.

HeCantBeSerious · 12/12/2016 10:41

Let alone to link it with the birth of Jesus, which after all, is the reason for Christmas in the first place.

Most of what we call Christmas predates Christianity. So no, not the reason at all.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2016 10:41

Mine were told that Santas were not the real Santa but Santas helpers who reported back to Santa about what gifts children wanted

Quartz2208 · 12/12/2016 10:43

I've never lied, skirted round the truth but lie no. They have learnt about santa through school and media and I have facilitated it by wrapping and leaving a present. As Dd got older and answered questions I answered truthfully whilst retaining the myth. She gradually became less believing and asked if he was real this Christmas at nearly 8. I explained that he is in the sense that he is part of the magic of Christmas and is a means of ensuring everyone gets a present, so we have done some charity boxes. She is happy to continue for Ds

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 10:43

I have not read the thread but OP I think you learn very fast when you have DC what you want and need starts to come second to your dc needs very fast.

You may decide now, you dont want to lie, but when your darling toddler is getting asked about it all the time, does xmas craft at toddler groups and nursery and is really getting into it, her little pals are all going to santas grotto you may - just may look into that little innocent face and decide then what the best course of action is.

If you have never had it - you cant really comment on it. It is magical and it is amazing.

You are given a wand as a child but it doesnt work, only in your imagination which is brilliant, you are told certain things are magic but nothing happens. However on christmas the magic works, he does come and he does leave gifts.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/12/2016 10:44

oliver what you are describing tough isn't 'not doing Santa'.

It is not lying to your children that is the reason the mum gave. No fictional tv programmes etc

PurpleDaisies · 12/12/2016 10:45

Mine were told that Santas were not the real Santa but Santas helpers who reported back to Santa about what gifts children wanted

But why would you bother with the last bit? You're admitting that those people are just pretending to be Santa and it's still fun to see them anyway. You don't have to reinforce the lie by saying there's a real one somewhere else.

Deadsouls · 12/12/2016 10:46

You're worrying about a hypothetical situation that hadn't even happened yet?

Deadsouls · 12/12/2016 10:46

Hasn't

LaurieMarlow · 12/12/2016 10:46

I think it's missing the point to fret about 'lying'. Or over -emphasising literal truth at the expense of deeper truths.

For me, Santa's about generosity, magic and love. It's a lovely vehicle to teach my children these things exist in the world and they should be cherished and enjoyed when they find them.

toomuchtooold · 12/12/2016 10:46

Tallula
Can I ask what people tell them about the Father Christmas they see in a department store or wherever?

Yeah my girls are 4 and a half and one of them has copped on for sure. I've told her the Santas in the department stores are just helping out, that Santa would be too busy to get to everyone. I've pleaded ignorance on the existence of actual Santa - said the presents and stuff must get there somehow, so maybe it's Santa, who knows? Her twin sister is still deeply, deeply in the magical thinking phase of development so I'm loath to tell them any more, for now, although I don't see Santa surviving past this Christmas.

Damselindestress · 12/12/2016 10:47

I don't see it as lying at all. When I found out I just saw it as a bit of fun and a fairytale, I didn't feel my parents had done anything wrong. If you don't want your children to believe in Santa then I guess just tell them it's nice story but you don't think it's true but some people do and they shouldn't spoil it for them.

HeCantBeSerious · 12/12/2016 10:48

Never needed to say anything. The kids told me, aged 3 or 4, that the characters at Disneyland were pretending. So they've never thought that the shopping centre santas were real.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 10:48

It's a shame to automatically associate people who don't do Santa for various reasons (e.g. religious like one of my friends) and being joyless altogether

I agree on this - and TBH although I am not religious anymore, I adore the nativity story, I don't care if its real or not, its a wonderful story of humility which I find is becoming more pertinent as xmas gets more consumerist. We as a family still enjoy church at this time of year, the charity aspect, the nativity aspect.

I do find it sad though when some parents feel the need on this one day to scale back and give a wood and a whittler to show their dc the value of money and who the whittler came from.

We are frugal and lean all year, its one day when we splurge.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 10:50

For me, Santa's about generosity, magic and love. It's a lovely vehicle to teach my children these things exist in the world and they should be cherished and enjoyed when they find them

I agree - with all the wicked evil deeds in the world, all the misery and wars etc, FC is to me one of the utter blessings of humanity! Its fun, magical , whimsical and everything an enchanted life can be . There is enough pain, misery and sickness in the world, why not just keep one corner of magic

KnitMeAUnicorn · 12/12/2016 10:51

What is a 'magical' Christmas?

Why is it only 'magical' if you completely believe the Santa story to be truth, but playing it all as a great fun game = NOT magical? Strikes me that the opposite is true ...

I was well into adulthood before I realised that most parents, it seemed, really DID feed the Santa is real thing hook, line and sinker to their kids and the kids really actually believe. It's utterly bizarre! I have beautiful memories of my childhood Christmases that were never tempered by eventually having to find out that Santa was fake all along.

Santa is a GAME! A sparkly, tinselly, use-your-imagination game that we play every year with the mince pies and stockings and carrots for Rudolph, my DC are beyond excited for Christmas again –try telling them that their Christmas is 'joyless' just because they know Santa's not an actual fact. Come and see my miserable kids bouncing off the ceilings with delight and anticipation for the next few weeks Grin

I have to say, I've been reading these threads on MN at this time of year for years now, and the tide is turning. 5 or 6 years ago the vast majority of posts were "I feel sorry for your poor DC if you won't lie to them, didn't do me any harm, blah blah" ... more people seem to be coming round to thinking along similar lines as me - sensible lot Grin Grin