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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to lie to my kid about Santa

497 replies

timeforachangeofname · 12/12/2016 06:50

I don't feel comfortable lying to my future kids about Santa, but I don't want them to ruin it for everyone else either. Has anyone managed to bring their child up not believing in Santa, without them ruining it for believers, or am I going to have to lie to them for the sake of others?

OP posts:
HeCantBeSerious · 12/12/2016 18:45

I think they meant poor as in lacking rather than brassic.

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 18:45

Quite.

gamerchick · 12/12/2016 19:02

Ah I get you, many thanks.

Charley50 · 12/12/2016 20:18

i wish my mum had lied to me about certain family issues that I was not ready to hear about. The truth was incredibly painful for many years.

Just remembered that my business-minded DS noticed a few years ago that most of his stocking presents were from Tiger. He asked if FC had some sort of reciprocal deal with them. Grin

Daisies123 · 12/12/2016 20:27

*Elf

daises your dc are not you - what if they would love the idea of FC?

How can you deny them based on your own experience?*

Deny them what? I don't really see what they'd be missing out on? I had no idea that people actually told kids the big presents came from FC rather than the parents until I got on Mumsnet!
I love Christmas, and I'll be sharing that magic with DD, but not with FC. I'll tell her about it, OK, but as a story, along with all the other stories she has. I'm a Christian, and my DH agnostic, but we both intend to make sure DD knows the Christmas story and will be celebrating. At the moment she is loving opening windows on her Advent calendar and we burn an Advent candle each night at tea time.

At the end of the day, I want to be able to say to her that I made my parenting decisions with the best of intentions. I can't imagine FC will be a big issue. I'm not planning to take a puritanical line about it - Christmas is and will be fun, but it's about celebrating the birth of Christ with my family, not getting hung up about a strange man delivering presents.

Wonkydonkey44 · 12/12/2016 20:29

My husbands mum also told him at a very very young age ( under 5) that there was no such thing as Santa. He recalls being really sad at this and Xmas lost a lot of its sparkle from then on He would never do this to our child. It isn't lying it is creating wonderful memories for your child x

oblada · 12/12/2016 21:03

Wonkydonkey - there must be more to it than that for your DH. It all depends on why and how it was said to him. And surely before the age of 5 kids arent even fussed about FC? No? My 5yrs old is barely getting into the swing of it. Last year or the year before, whilst she enjoyed seeing FC at the grotto etc it was all a bit meaningless to her.
My brother told me FC wasn't real when I was 5 and it certainly didn't dampen Xmas for me. It was still a lot of fun all round! If my DD asks me outright she will get the truth from me. I think the world is magical/exciting on its own and in its own right and I want to focus on that. No need for complete fantasies, there are loads of things to discover and be amazed by in the world!

TickettyBoo · 12/12/2016 21:06

🙄 some people just leave me baffled at their inability to 'ave a word with themselves - eesh.

Foxylass · 12/12/2016 21:19

We told our children that we don't believe in Father Christmas and when they were old enough to understand, explained that some folk do believe and that is OK for them (just like religion - we are entitled to our own beliefs). We told them a story from who knows where - about a kindly man making gifts for unfortunate children etc....and enjoyed the story.
We did not want to lie to our dc's.....also when I was a nanny (before having my own children), a girl I cared for was terrified about a large bearded stranger coming into her room!
I recently asked my dc's (16, 18, 19 & 25yrs old now) if they think we did 'the right thing' re' Father Christmas and they all agreed that we did. They hope to handle it the same way.

Funnyfarmer · 12/12/2016 21:29

I never believed in santa or the tooth fairy. We didn't have a lot growing up so my parents didn't want us to feel like santa gave more to other kids. I never spoiled it for anyone else. But there will always be someone telling the younger kids at school he's not real. I do feel abit like I missed out abit on magic and excitement..I've always done the santa and tooth fairy thing with my dc's I love it. It's not a lie it's a story a fairy tale and I think it should be part of everybody's childhood. Good luck with your family plansSmile

Lweji · 12/12/2016 21:30

My husbands mum also told him at a very very young age ( under 5) that there was no such thing as Santa. He recalls being really sad at this and Xmas lost a lot of its sparkle from then on

But if he had never believed in Santa, perhaps he wouldn't have felt so disappointed or sad then.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 12/12/2016 21:52

My own parents refused to "lie to us" so we never believed in Santa. I wanted my own children to experience the "magic" so we told them about Santa. I did it in with same way as I told any other story. And when they reached the age when they asked point blank, "who fills my stocking" or "is Santa real" then I won't lie and tell them that yes, I fill the stocking. None of mine have ever had a problem with it. Either the telling them about Santa in t first place, or the admitting that I'm the stocking filler. Just treat your child with respect and not as an idiot,

MaQueen · 12/12/2016 21:52

Oh FFS, some parents take themselves so bleddy seriously, with their painfully contrived worthiness...

Do please, please get over yourselves and allow a little glitter and whimsy into your poor childrens' lives...

Suppermummy02 · 12/12/2016 22:03

Being honest with your children does not stop 'glitter and whimsy' in your families life. I had some amazing stories and fantasies about fantastical creatures when I was young, I never needed to be lied to about it being true. That is what an imagination is.

Some people seem to be using a literal FC to cover up for a crappy life. I wonder what they teach at Halloween? Zombies and witches are real? Seriously

Anniegetyourgun · 12/12/2016 22:16

allow a little glitter and whimsy into your poor childrens' lives

Oi! We love glitter and whimsy. My mother used to make a fairy castle out of toilet roll holders, blue tissue paper, cotton wool and "angel hair". We watched her make it, just as we helped her decorate the Christmas tree (this is apparently another thing that some households attribute to the fat man). You know what? The tree and the castle were true magic. You get a bit of this and you glue it to that, you hang up a dozen of these and wind round a couple of those, and lo! The most amazing transformation. It was more special, not less, because we did it ourselves, and there may or may not have been a fairy or two peeping between the branches just as we looked away... (I have to confess I never made the fairy castle for my own DC because I suck at crafts.)

I just don't get how it is perceived that there can only be one possible way to make Christmas amazing, and that way is to tell one particular story and illustrate it with carrots. This is like people who are crazy about football not understanding that anyone who doesn't care about it does not live a totally empty existence on the weekend. People have fun in different ways and it's really ok.

Pagwatch · 12/12/2016 22:20

Zombies aren't real?

Shirleyucantbeserious · 12/12/2016 22:23

Oh ffs. Being told that there is a Santa then finding out the truth does not cause trust issues it creates a magical time for the little ones. Don't ruin it for everyone else. Every parent lies to their kids at some point otherwise you would go insane. Stop being so bloody miserable and get a grip!

Anniegetyourgun · 12/12/2016 22:23

I think they must be, Pag. I saw at least a dozen of them ambling down the High Street just last weekend. You can tell by the shambling walk, the vacant stares and the trolleys.

Caprianna · 12/12/2016 22:29

I never believed in Santa growing up and I honestly cannot remember that my friends did either. Its only since having my own children that I have realised that some children believe he is real and parents actively encourage this. I like Christmas and we have a good time with family and time off, but I don't buy into this Disney version of Christmas. It can be a bit forced and over the top magical. I also think ots weird if children over 7 believe in Santa. It must be pretence to keep their parents happy or I would worry.

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 22:30

I think some of you can't understand we have nice Christmases and are not miserable, just without Santa.

TanaLawn · 12/12/2016 22:39

See to me the problem is that instead of this:

Parent: (tells story/legend of St Nicholas)...and to this day children hang up their stockings in memory of St Nick and hope they will wake to find it filled with toys, nuts and chocolate in the morning...

as opposed to this:

Parent: If you are good Santa will bring you presents made by elves, which he brings on a magic sleigh pulled by flying reindeer all the way from the North Pole. If you don't believe he won't bring you anything etc etc

The first one seems like a bit of harmless make believe; the second is psychotic brainwashing overegging the pudding totally...

Suppermummy02 · 12/12/2016 22:49

Every parent lies to their kids at some point otherwise you would go insane

Seriously, its just YOU

littlefirtree · 12/12/2016 22:53

I agree I never pushed the Father Christmas myth. I played it until about 5/6 and then when they genuinely enquired I never lied I always asked them what they thought and also made it into a story or a fun joke/game. It just felt wrong to make them doubt their own instincts.

hitMeWithYourBestShot · 12/12/2016 22:55

Santa brings the chocolates here. I make it fun by buying weird and wonderful chocolates from all over the place. Last year we had Japanese sweets a friend bought for me.

This year I haven't even figured it out but it will probably involved a baby ruth whilst we watch the goonies and some other US treats.

I buy the presents. DC knows and that I can't afford much. I'd rather DC knows that I buy the presents and santa isn't real than trying to explain some make believe jolly twat gives more expensive stuff to the nasty boy in class and DC only gets a few books and a toy even though DC has been really really well behaved.

MaQueen · 12/12/2016 23:17

I have oft lied to my DDs...doesn't every parent

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