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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what you do if you're a SAHM

284 replies

aquabluepool · 11/12/2016 18:19

I just find the days so, so long. And lonely. DH often doesn't get back till 7 o clock.

Yes there's baby groups but not that many. Two a week. And I don't really like them but I will go.

OP posts:

Artandco · 12/12/2016 17:10

What did you do before child? Surley you must be able to do some of that still with them? Assuming it wasn't 24hrs clubbing or similar

Shakey15000 · 12/12/2016 17:10

When I was a SAHM I wrote.

I wrote about how much I hated being a SAHM. It just doesn't suit everyone. Is there any other PT work you could do at all? Anything from home?

BTW I didn't do anything with my scribbles but it was good to get it down/out

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:13

Not really ...

I used to work till about half four. So a few hours between work and DH coming home was nice - but a whole day is different.

nappies I'm 25. Most women are about ten years older than me.

lovewine, he just feels it's for the best as I was struggling with work and being a mum. I was part time. But I didn't want to leave.

OP posts:

minipie · 12/12/2016 17:13

It sounds like what you really need is some adult company. Which I totally understand - I need adult company and got so lonely on maternity leave.

Do join baby groups/NCT walking groups/first aid courses etc - not for the activity itself but as a way of meeting people. You will hopefully find one or two other people who are looking for a friend to hang out with. That's all you need. Someone to meet up with twice a week makes such a difference. You do have to be brave about chatting to people and suggesting you swap numbers, but people are usually quite keen as they are lonely too.

Agree too that if your DH gets time for the gym then you should get the same (say 1 hr to yourself). He could take the baby for an hour on Friday afternoons perhaps? Will make a big difference to your sanity.

Also, DC get more interesting as they get older (IMO) so it's not an endless sentence of being at home with a baby.

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:15

And, everything at work has happened very fast so I still haven't properly got my head round it. I have out on a shitload of weight with the baby so might join a gym with a crèche, ask for that as a Christmas present. It's still lack of chatting to people though.

I don't really like young children, it sounds awful but I'm dreading him walking and talking.

OP posts:

Bobsmum02 · 12/12/2016 17:15

I found it really hard getting into baby groups at first, I tried about 5 and didn't like 4 of them because if clique mums but I eventually found 1 I liked, just a small group and not much time for chatting so didn't feel awkward having to make small talk.

I took my DS swimming, which again took a lot for me as I'm not water confident. If you like keeping active see if there are any pram clubs (walking based exercise groups which everyone takes baby in pram) in your area, they sound really sad but was actually good exercise, fresh air and a few hours out of the house.

My DH works long hours too and sometimes nights away so my days are sometimes lonely too. I find it easier to have a bit of structure. We usually do school run, morning out at baby class, local attraction we have annual pass to, museum, local art gallery has a craft club for little ones, park, breakfast at local garden centre so we can also see the fish. When we come home DS has got into routine of having a nap so I have lunch and get a few jobs done (have a sit down) then we do school run again. It's a bit mundane but it works for us!

Lovewineandchocs · 12/12/2016 17:19

Did you get made redundant? What do you do? A gym with a crèche might be good as exercise and a bit of a break from the baby might do you good. I'm concerned though that you seem as if you were much happier working but don't seem to think you can get another job. Do you have a childminder for your DS?

Artandco · 12/12/2016 17:20

I would suggest some pram/ buggy fit classes in area. You basically walk fast with other parents with baby in pram. That way you could meet some people with similar age kids but not actually have to do all the interaction yet

Take up an evening class to meet people?

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:22

Art, I can't, really - DH doesn't get back till late, and we'd never see each other!

Might look at volunteering once DC gets free hours.

DC goes to a childminder at the moment. I didn't get made redundant, sort of had to leave before pushed thing. All a bit shit and having to come to terms with it!

OP posts:

Artandco · 12/12/2016 17:23

Also could you do a similar job from home? You could apply for one that's remote aka from home and just part time so could work just a few evenings or a few days also around child or them at childminder. Far cheaper if you need to work 3 days of 8 hrs but can choose when. So could work 6-7am plus 2hrs when they nap, and 5 hours after Dh is home. Or could pay 4 hrs childcare and do 4hrs around naps/ them playing/ or in evening when Dh home

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:24

I don't know of any jobs working from home really, Art - I don't know where I'd start.

I used to be close to people at work but that's changed even now and will be worse in January.

OP posts:

Artandco · 12/12/2016 17:28

You just look up remote xyz jobs. Obviously a remote sales assistant wouldn't work as it's face to face, but many lines of work can be. what kind of work do you currently do?

Namejustfornappies · 12/12/2016 17:28

Ah at 25 you'd fit right in at our baby and Toddler group - I'm older than most by about 15 years!

I have to say you sound pretty fed up.

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:29

Oh, I'm a teacher, or was lol.

I am fed up Name, it's all happened quite fast

OP posts:

enchantmentandlove · 12/12/2016 17:39

I'm sorry you had to leave your job, op. It all sounds a bit rubbish and I can see why you're a but unhappy. Have you spoken to Dh about how you feel?

If staying at home is what you need to do right now, try not to write it off just yet. Try out some of the ideas mentioned and you may come to enjoy it more than you think. With baby groups it just takes a while for the talking move on from babies. I've been taking dd to a group for about 3 months, but am now going for coffee with some women there and forming proper friendships.

If you can just take an hour or two over the weekend to yourself. I know it cuts away from family time, but you need time to just be you as well.

caperboo · 12/12/2016 17:42

In my case I do the school runs take my lo hone and sir in the house waiting for 3 so I can pic up my other child.
I clean and then clean more then I get bored . I don't go to children's centres or anything so I don't have many friends

Artandco · 12/12/2016 17:44

See if your a teacher i would say ideal for tutoring?
Can tutor via Skype a couple of hours a few evenings a week or arrange to tutor say Wednesdays 6-9pm on Skype and Saturdays 9-3pm face to face or whatever. Enough it's extra money to have to do stuff in the week plus a change for full time baby. Some schools work only online for home education also, where you can pre record lesson for students or have allocated times ie you might teacher geography 10-2 pm online to three different age groups twice a week, so could just pay for part time childminder

Or have you looked at part time teaching? Just mornings or afternoons or just 2-3 days instead of full time

Namejustfornappies · 12/12/2016 17:45

I used to be a teacher as well - and found teaching and family life incompatible as many do - as it eats your life.
Supply is much more doable if you are really wanting to work.

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:47

Yeah, there's not much call for tutoring really Art

I've never ever heard of schools using a virtual teacher.

I was part time. Can't really do supply cause of childcare.

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Ragwort · 12/12/2016 17:51

There's lots of stuff you can do which doesn't revolve around your baby - I did all sorts of voluntary work, I just tagged the baby along - we delivered meals on wheels, did driving for a local community group, delivered the local parish magazine, anything to get out and about and meet new people (which didn't involve baby talk ).

I loved being a SAHM and found life really busy and fulfilling - but you need to step out of your comfort zone. Is there a sports centre with a creche near you?

Do some research about what goes on locally, I used to edit a small magazine, that was interesting, kept my mind alert and got me talking to different people.

Lovewineandchocs · 12/12/2016 17:51

I have read your other thread and worry that staying at home will not help your state of mind.

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 17:52

Thanks Ragwort

The one in chat, Lovewine? Unfortunately not much else to do!

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MummyStep123 · 12/12/2016 17:55

You said you like exploring new places, maybe you could try getting one of those baby carriers and go exploring the area around you? We have lots of hills and lochs where I am with gorgeous views. You get a great feeling of accomplishment after a big hike!

Lovewineandchocs · 12/12/2016 17:58

No the other AIBU one. How are you feeling in general?

Original poster

aquabluepool · 12/12/2016 18:03

I hate baby carriers, sorry. I do sound negative but tramping about on my own isn't really what I mean, sorry though.

I'm upset about work lovewine

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