To wonder what you do if you're a SAHM

[aquabluepool]

I just find the days so, so long. And lonely. DH often doesn't get back till 7 o clock.

Yes there's baby groups but not that many. Two a week. And I don't really like them but I will go.

Yes baby groups are tedious and the chat always circles back around to babies, BUT, they're a great place to find nice people you may get want to get to know better away from the baby group. Try meeting up with someone one-to-one and see if you have more in common, I found people very different away from the town hall/church rooms etc. More relaxed, more to talk about.
Find a decent kid-friendly cafe, and don't give up if your first 'mum-date' doesn't work out.
It's worth it to find someone to break the SAHM tedium with. Bonus points if they introduce you to more likeminded people.

As for me, between school runs I meet friends at our local kids cafe, do some freelance work, and attempt to be a more functional adult - heavy PND after my first put me back 100 steps and five years on I still don't feel like I've caught up with The Proper GrownUps.

There's no one way to do this stuff right, but you're not happy, so put yourself out there and see if you can find some proper company at least. They don't have to be friends for life, so try not to judge the baby-chatters too harshly.

Had more babies.

I was knackered and hormonal for most of it so the kids watched to much telly and didn't get enough time or attention from me. I regret that, especially for eldest dc.

Now DC are 5,4 and almost 2. I run the house (which is no small task if people are home all day making mess), support DH in running his own business (it's going great guns so makes sense for him to put a lot of time and effort in and it can't be done without my support), do all the cooking, play with and entertain the children, visit family, go to yoga twice a week, garden, walk the dog, read...

My advice is to go for a walk once a day and have some structure to your day. You said you liked reading and going to new places. That to me says day trips to local places and read.

Also agree with posters who said find time for you. It's so important. Yoga, running, coffee and cake, hair cut, massage, walk, shopping, reading in a cafe, nails done, solo lunch, whatever... make time for you.

And read the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It's excellent on finding your own happy. Which doesn't have to be baby groups!

And also, nicely OP, you do sound pretty down.

I don't have a car during the week, but at weekends I put huge 18mo DS in a sling and go to National Trust places (I learnt to back carry in the summer) but he also walks on reins so he doesn't run off!

Our city has lots of free stuff at the museums and art galleries so we go there. Often in the school holidays so we go with my 7yo.

I don't do baby groups and due to school run ties we often stay close to home. We do go to the park, the shops (on the bus to different areas nearby for variation), library events etc. I like my own company so happy to potter on my own with DS.

I also abandon DS to CBeebies or a highchair activity and do housework, batch cook etc and other household jobs.

oh and if you can find a cinema that does baby friendly screenings of current adult films they are really good. That was my fave thing to do when DS was under 1.

I'm not a SAHM but I know if i was I'd spend a lot of time reading, sleeping, and playing Xbox. I wouldn't go out unless it was absolutely necessary and I would do the bare minimum of housework. This is how I was during maternity leave anyway!

I set aside tasks each day I need to do, so tomorrow is cleaning my kitchen, Tuesday is hoovering etc. I wash at least 3 loads of laundry every other day. My DD is only in nursery afternoons mon- thurs so I have her every morning at least, and we'll play/watch Disney. I drop and pick up my DS from primary every day.

I go to the gym most days, one day a week is a mum's and kids class which me and DD attend together.

I run about after my granny, I walk the dog, try and do my shopping, feed us all ... I seriously never stop. It's all stupid, shitty little bits that, writing it down, doesn't seem like much, but come picking up DS, I've not stopped.

Then it's homework, snack, dinner, wash the kids, bed for them, gym for me if I've not been during day, dinner, telly, bed.

I think it was I liked going to new places,with someone, I can't imagine it being the same with a baby,really !

I think maybe you would be better off job hunting, if you walk into groups expecting to be bored people feel judged and are likely to stick to vauge chitchat.

It definitely sounds as though you need to spend your time as a SAHM trying to find a job. Staying at home is not for everyone and you sound extremely negative about the whole thing.

There's 5 pages of suggestions of things you can do in response to your question and you've not been remotely positive about a single one.

If you really can't see any way that being a SAHM could be tolerate for you, then getting another job is really the only answer.

I agree with pp, maybe use this time to look for a new job, as I hope you don't mind me saying but you seem quite unhappy and negative about any suggestion. I love being a sahp, but I understand it's not for everyone. Are you able to perhaps look for a new job?

I do think going to new places with your baby is a good idea. I love getting out with dd, sure it's a different experience than by myself/with dh, but still really enjoyable and I love seeing her excited face when she sees something new.

I went to back to work early as I didn't like baby groups and there were difficult with tiny DT's and I was missing adult company. it sounds like work rather than a SAHM would suit you better.

I stopped going to baby groups because all anyone would talk about was babies, it was my only chance in the day to talk to someone and actually have someone talk back to me (twins are 8 months).
It's so hard I feel alone and isolated too and it's hard to take two babies out alone.

Where abouts do you live?

Urgh I totally feel you, OP. I am due my second baby end of April and going to be a SAHM because my salary doesn't even begin to cover two kids in childcare!
I do find the days very very long when we don't keep busy, and end up counting down the minutes until DH comes home. However, I'm lucky in that I have a few local friends who work part time, so I always make an effort to see them on their days off. The kids/babies play, we get to chat and drink coffee :D
I also have a bit of a type A personality so find it easier to set a sort of "schedule". So I choose what baby groups to go to in a week, then fill the rest of the time with other activities like walks, swimming, visits to local farm park or pet shop, supermarket (DD is weird and LOVES going round the supermarket!). When the kids are older the activites can change into things like baking, arts and crafts etc. This way I'm not sat around wondering what to do, I have a little routine going, like I would if I was going to work, if you see what I mean.
It is hard though!

Thanks. I am in a slightly negative mindset. It's just DH works, a lot. He leaves the house at half seven, he doesn't generally get back until eight. He works a half day on Friday and is back slightly earlier Thursday but goes to the gym. So that's five days where I'm going to be on my own. And I do get bored, and flat. The day seems long.

I know it's all join this baby group, go to this baby class, but the thing is it's all about the baby, no break.

I don't think I'll really be working again for some time.

and is back slightly earlier Thursday but goes to the gym

that's not very fair is it? When do you get to do a hobby?

When do you get time to spend together?

Could you get a babysitter and both go the gym?

Why can't you look for a job - or at least a voluntary role eg with your local NCT? Lots of people write for the newsletter or organise the coffee morning rota. Then they move on to school PTAs etc. But you could also join a running group or buggyfit and get out and about without it all being about the baby.

It might also be worth looking into some childcare one morning or afternoon a week so you have some time for you.

We can't really afford that, but thanks. We see each other weekends mostly.

How do you feel about having to leave your job and how does your DH feel about it?

Pretty shit tbh! DH is supportive but thinks it's for the best.

Baby groups aren't really about the baby. At least in my experience. They're about having a hot cuppa and a chance to talk bollocks to another adult who won't judge you looking like shit and having baby vom all down your back.
Today we bitched about other halves who don't help at night, the financial scandal at the local school, and avian flu re domestic chicken keepers. There wasn't much baby chat going on except with a newbie to the group as its a good ice breaker.

Like I said upthread though - it really helps to have a list of all possible activities from play dough/ sensory stuff, to swimming/museum/soft play.

Why can't you do what you like? I hated baby groups and never went to Baby classes. When ds1 and 2 were 11months:

I worked from home. That's still being a parent at home, I still had to look after baby at the same time.

Took up a uni course online

Went out to museums, art galleries, exhibitions

Bought a jogging pram. Took up jogging 3 times a week ( sometimes Dh came too if we went 6-7pm)

Took baby swimming at gym. Also used gym crèche so I could use gym an hour at a time

Met with friends for walks, lunch, pop over

Took baby on trains and buses and planes to see new places.

Plus all the regular pottering around stuff.

I think I can't do what I like due to financial restrictions and due to well, having a baby, if that doesn't sound too obvious! I find baby groups tough as there aren't many people my age there.

Why for the best? You must really like what you do to feel shit about leaving so I'm just wondering, best for whom?

How old are you? I'm in my 40s and apart from grandparents and childminders I would say I'm the oldest parent at our group, but I don't mind.
You might be surprised at how much is free though. Our local museums have a year subscription to visit all of them for about £15 and as we visit them lots it's economical

I'll remember this thread when people bollock on about how being a SAHM is sooo exhausting.

Gym, coffees, pottering. I mean wtf? Sounds a breeze to me!