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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Short men

296 replies

luellami · 11/12/2016 15:41

I have been dating same guy for about 5 months. He is lovely and really caring...I couldn't ask for more. Only thing is...he is short. Same height as me...I'm 5'6". I thought I would get over it but I can't...am I being a twat? I'm thinking of ending it as it's just not fair on him. He really deserves better.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 11/12/2016 18:09

If 5' 9" is short then WTF am I at 5' 5" Grin

CaraAspen · 11/12/2016 18:13

I am 5 ft 6 and I wish I was taller.

LadyLothian · 11/12/2016 18:17

If 5' 9" is short then WTF am I at 5' 5" grin

Well my 5'6 husband refers to himself as "fun-sized"! Xmas Wink

SpookyPotato · 11/12/2016 18:20

My DP is an inch shorter than me at 5ft6 and I love it, sounds daft but it feels like we're equals and his eyes are at my eye level. I come from a family of 6ft4ers too! You are allowed to have preferences but it's a shame you have gone so far and really like him, it seems a waste. But yes if you can't get over it then let him go and find someone else.

Winifredgoose · 11/12/2016 18:27

Do you mean that the fact he is short means you just don't fancy him enough?
Or, everything is there in the relationship, including physically, but you simply can't get over the objective fact he is short.
If it is the first, yanbu, if it is the second, yabu, and should really try and work on it.
I remember the episode of sex in the city when a male friend of Carrie's, who was a serial dater and womaniser, finally met a woman he really liked. However, he kept the relationship secret, and ended it ultimately, because she was over weight and worked in a cheese shop. His vanity trumped his happiness.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 11/12/2016 18:28

Ooh Spooky I get that! When you don't have to crane your neck to look at the face of the person you fancy, the connection is great!

SelfCleaningVagina · 11/12/2016 18:28

Seriously if it's still an issue after 5 months then you obviously just aren't that into him in other ways. This is really odd because if a specific physical characteristic was a real stumbling block then most people wouldn't have got past 5 dates, never mind 5 whole months. Why would you spend 5 months building a relationship with someone you fundamentally can't/don't fancy? Confused What a waste of everyone's time.

LadyLothian · 11/12/2016 18:30

Spooky You're not crazy! I love that too!

And my last boyfriend before DH was 6'4, so I was surprised at how much I liked it. I wouldn't change his height, he's perfect just the way he is.

SaltyBitch · 11/12/2016 18:33

Vanellope I would kill to be with Peter Dinklage!

UserWhatever · 11/12/2016 18:46

Holy shit User

Perhaps a bit blunt. But I have a fat arse. I would hope a man would look beyond the superficial. None of us are Claudia Schiffers daughter in terms of looks and body.

SpookyPotato · 11/12/2016 18:59

ladylothian ilovetorrentialrain Ooh glad you understand Grin I think for me it comes from growing up around tall men who were all naturally protective of me, and usually in charge so it feels more balanced with DP.

CrystalMcPistol · 11/12/2016 18:59

Fat arses are all the rage these days. People are paying to have theirs supersized. This is your bum's time to shine.

PlasticBertrand · 11/12/2016 19:06

If you have men who are lovely and caring and all you could ask for in a man and TALL queuing up to date you OP then by all means dump him for being shorter than average. If not, I think you're being a bit of an eejit.

My DH is five four and lovely. More fool those women who couldn't get past his height, they missed out on a proper gem.

Maverickismywingman · 11/12/2016 19:10

saltybitch me too! Wink

Heights never been a issue for me.

If you can't get over it OP, then it's a problem for you. And you should let him find someone who doesn't mind things like that.

Amateurish · 11/12/2016 19:14

How would the OP feel if she were dumped by her boyfriend because he objected to some immutable physical characteristic of hers? Having personal preference is one thing. But dumping someone after five months because of their height is just downright cruel.

I suffered lots of bullying at school because of my (lack of) height. Luckily this kind of experience was not repeated in my adulthood. I'm glad I never dated someone like the OP.

"Short Man Syndrome" is just offensive.

Ohyesiam · 11/12/2016 19:15

Imagine being in a relationship with a man who quietly longed for a prettier/ slimmer/ bustier girl friend.
We'd all hate him.
You are being the man that MN hates

ToucheShay · 11/12/2016 19:19

Would you change your mind if he was a millionaire?

Mindtrope · 11/12/2016 19:22

OP yes you are right- he deserves better than someone who judges him in such a shallow way.

Mindtrope · 11/12/2016 19:28

Physical "attractiveness" is always a low priority for me in choice of a partner. If they are healthy and clean, that's good enough for me.
I find emotional and mental characteristics far more attractive.
If they can play piano, are sensitive, intelligent, have some skill or passion, a way of looking at the world, an empathic view, a good listening ear, if they have love of food, or nature, have patience a great sense of humour, can rise to a challenge, cope in a crisis, these are all far more important than height.
Height is so trivial. If I had a partner who had lovely character traits I wouldn't care if he was 4'2" or 7'2".

Lilacpink40 · 11/12/2016 19:34

OP I don't understand this as his height doesn't make anything physically awkward for you. I'm seeing someone tall and I'm very short, height difference means we have to sit down to comfortably look at each other / kiss. We like each other so not complaining about each other's height - I can't grow and he can't shrink. If you really liked him I don't think this would be an issue.

BonnieF · 11/12/2016 19:45

"I have been dating same guy for about 5 months. He is lovely and really caring...I couldn't ask for more. Only thing is...he is black. I thought I would get over it but I can't...am I being a twat? I'm thinking of ending it as it's just not fair on him. He really deserves better."

Discuss......

Sallystyle · 11/12/2016 19:53

Shorter than me and that would be a deal breaker. I am only 5ft 1/2 though.

I don't find short men attractive as a rule so probably wouldn't date one in the first place either.

That said, the minute I spoke to my husband I fell head over heels. I would probably have overlooked it for him.

pestov · 11/12/2016 19:54

Bungaloid are you my DH? The only issue I had at the beginning of our relationship was getting used to not wearing heels out; 10 years later and I don't even bother when I'm going out without him anymore! Do what you think is right OP, but I'd be embarrassed to admit being so shallow and regret ditching the love of my life forever.

UnoriginalNN · 11/12/2016 19:58

Honestly - if it bothers you, it bothers you. The OP could pretend that it didn't, but it still would. Just end it OP. It sounds like you probably just don't fancy him that much and that his height is more of a scapegoat.

Lockheart · 11/12/2016 20:03

Good grief, I'm 5'11" and currently dating a guy who's 5'6". He's great! And if I limited myself to only dating guys taller than me I'd be ruling out about half the male population...

Everyone's the same height lying down ;) but if it really bothers you that much then do what you need to do.

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