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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep a gift from a person harassing me and then ignore them?

227 replies

Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 05:22

I've had someone sort of harassing me online. They tell me they're in love with me despite me barely having spoken to them and never hinted at anything more than friends, we are barely even friends but more than acquaintances. I have never met this person in real life.

After a few months of being harassed and being too polite to block them (but being strict and making clear how I felt to them - which was nothing!) they recently sent me a "present" to a post office near ish to me for me to pick up. I was very dubious and took a friend with me to collect it. The post office is 30 mins away and the sender does not know my address, only the town I live in.

The present that they sent me was an expensive item, aswell as an Amazon gift card for quite a large amount. I can only assume they sent it to try and win me over or something? They later asked if I'd received it and I said yes but then they didn't even mention it again and we barely spoke since.

AIBU or can I get in trouble if I keep this present and then block the person? They do not have my address but know my name. There are lots more details of how they've harassed me or been creepy online but they might be too identifying to post. I want to block them as I should have done months ago, but worried I can get in trouble somehow from doing that. The person is also quite well off so I highly doubt that the stuff he sent me is stolen or anything along those lines. I think he was just desperate but he's done too much weird stuff to me for me to feel bad for him at this point

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 11/12/2016 14:09

I'd take the gifts to the police to return, block him and do not engage with him or his stalkerish behaviour anymore.

funnyandwittyusername · 11/12/2016 14:18

Actually Wolver is closest to being right. For action to be taken under PHA there must be more than one occasion of unwanted contact. Posters can drone on with mn buzzwords but it's not "victim blaming" to point out HER actions suggest that his behaviour is NOT unwanted. Acceptance of the presents, blocking him and unblocking him, messages to him. All these actions do not tick the unwanted contact box. The idea police can be used to return unwanted presents is laughable.

OP clearly tell him that you want no further contact from him at all. No letters/messages/gifts. Then block him on all forms of media. At the moment his actions would not constitute harassment under legislation

funnyandwittyusername · 11/12/2016 14:20

The dick pics may be an offence under mal comms but again it depends on OP's response to them

SnatchedPencil · 11/12/2016 14:22

It would be rude to keep the present then ignore them. It risks sending out the wrong message. They would probably think you were playing "hard to get" - you took the present so must have some kind of interest in them, and are just playing with them now, which may encourage them.

If you keep the present then don't ignore them. Keep in contact but maintain the "not interested" stance.

You are not doing anything illegal by keeping the present - they sent it to you, unsolicited, and without any promise of anything in return. But it will send a message to them that you have some kind of interest in them.

It's certainly borderline-stalker behaviour. I'm not sure how much of a danger he is, but you need to be careful how you deal with him to nip this in the bud.

PointlessUsername · 11/12/2016 14:36

none of this makes sense.

Do you not need ID to collect parcels from a Post office?.

A key to his house?, but no idea where he lives?.

What would be the point of sending the key then?.

SestraClone · 11/12/2016 15:15

This did not happen, you cannot send a parcel with no address or postcode on it, the Post Office cashier would not have accepted it when he tried to pay postage. If it was addressed to a post office as the address, they would not, in any circumstance, hand that parcel over to anyone else because it is not addressed to anyone else (name on the parcel does not matter).

OP would have had to show ID of her name AND address, and seeing as she doesn't live at that post office, she would not have been handed a parcel.

Total shenanigans.

Bettercallsaul1 · 11/12/2016 15:15

None of this makes sense

Like many, many threads on MN. especially right now

StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2016 15:17

Exactly sestra

Mulberry72 · 11/12/2016 15:19

I'm with you on this Sestra

Bettercallsaul1 · 11/12/2016 15:27

Is it time to wrap up this parcel thread? Or are there more issues to address? Grin

Sn0tnose · 11/12/2016 15:44

Even if you could send parcels to random post offices, how did he know what post office to send it to?

Why would anyone send a key to their house but no address to go with it?

If he was nagging your friends, why didn't they just block him too? Why did you need to unblock him to tell him to stop?

How do you become less than friends but more than acquaintances if you've barely spoken to him?

Biscuit
Roussette · 11/12/2016 16:22

Can you honestly send a parcel to a post office in an area you think someone might live???? I've never heard of that.

Let me get this straight... the man is annoying you yet you trot off with a friend and collect an engagement ring, keys to a house and a gift voucher???

If that's not encouragement I don't know what is....

Did the keys have an address on it?

What are you doing with the engagement ring?

Have you spent the gift voucher?

incogKNEEto · 11/12/2016 16:51

Amazon do deliver parcels directly to post offices for people to collect from there, but these usually have the customer's name on.

If he knew her name and told her there was a parcel there for her to collect there's no reason why this couldn't be true.

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 16:52

But Amazon don't normally deliver parcels with people's house keys in.

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 16:55

Sestra, I've never done it, but presumably you could send something to "Mrs Deepan, c/o Bloggsville Post Office, Acacia Avenue, Bloggsville, BL1 2AB". The Post Office would want ID, but a passport or driving licence would presumably be enough for that - they certainly accept those if you have to collect a parcel that they haven't been able to deliver.

charleyfarleysaunt · 11/12/2016 16:59

Parcels can be sent to any Post Office - it's called Post Restante, but you do need ID to pick it up, so he must know your surname and initial, at least and probably your full name too

www.postoffice.co.uk/mail/poste-restante

CondensedMilkSarnies · 11/12/2016 17:00

If this is true Hmm , and you really didn't want this attention then you would have put a stop to it before now .

You are saying no but meaning yes .

My DP would also have had something to say about another man sending me pics of his dick ffs.

mindthegap01 · 11/12/2016 18:34
Hmm
Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 21:11

Ooook only just checked this thread since this morning, of course my partner isn't happy about this guy but he knows the situation. He also knows I play online games a lot and sadly this sort of thing has happened before, though not to this extent! I called the police non emergency number today just to see what they would say since people recommended it, they took notes and filed a report but since he hasn't actually DONE anything (bad) yet, there isn't much they can do. They said they couldn't take the gifts off me though since it was nothing dangerous or weird so they had no reason to take them.

Regarding the post office, as I said in a previous reply he knew my nickname (think along the lin e of Ellie instead of Eleanor). He searched the nickname on Facebook and must have clicked on every single damn one because he recognised which was me by seeing a picture of my dog (which I had mentioned the breed of in group chat) in my Facebook header thingy. That's how he got my full name but my Facebook is all set to private. I showed ID to the post office when I collected the item

OP posts:
Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 21:14

also, I blocked the guy already since last night, I did not want to contact him again to get a return address since I assumed the police would take the items. Don't want to unblock him again now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 21:16

Damn I wish I could edit my replies, still reading the stuff that I missed. I showed ID with my name on to the post office to collect, not address, I didn't have to sign anything either. I could GO to the police station and insist they take the gifts since it was only via the phone that I spoke to them?

OP posts:
ZippyNeedsFeeding · 11/12/2016 21:26

When I worked in a Post Office, we often had parcels awaiting collection using the Post Restante (or similar name, might have changed by now) service. So long as there is a name and the person collecting it has proof of identity, it's fine.

Original poster
Yumdoritos · 11/12/2016 21:38

I haven't used the gifts either and obviously wouldn't want to! If I did keep them I would have sold them. I told him to leave me alone loads of times before, he sent dick pics on 2 occasions, the first time I told him I wasn't interested and to stop. The second time was a few weeks later when I guess he was trying his luck again, this time I was blunt and aggressive when I replied telling him to stop.

Only kept him unblocked for so long because of the game and friend group that I mentioned before, but now he isn't in that anymore since about a week ago. It also didn't seem like stalking back then either, more like him just being a massive weirdo so I was more lenient I suppose, but I definitely never ever encouraged him and always made my position on the whole thing very clear. I do have the whatsapp conversation that should have all the proof in if the police needed more info etc.

OP posts:
MimsyFluff · 11/12/2016 21:44

Are you sure there wasn't a tracker in the parcel so he can find out where you live?

viques · 11/12/2016 21:49

So you opened the parcel THEN let him know what you think of him. You are enjoying the attention aren't you? People who are really being stalked are frightened, anxious, unnerved. You on the other hand strike me as greedy and enjoying the situation.

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