Don't want DC to be a Vegetarian

[2became3]

OH is a veggie, I have been for 3 months.

I don't won't DC to be a veggie when they're old enough to eat foods.

I think they should be free to explore a range of textures and not have limited on baby lead weaning.

I haven't yet discussed this with OH, not given it much thought until now. I know he'll be against it as he often says "Aww, my veggie family"

AIBU?

P.s, I'm aware I'm being a little out of line here posting without actually talking to OH first, but I know what he's like. I've said it in fleeting before and he laughed about it like I was joking a funny joke

No one should be deciding for the child.

The child should be left in the biologically "normal" position- ie omnivorous- until he or she is old enough to understand the issues.

A lacto-ovo vegetarian diet is actually omnivorous as it includes dairy and eggs which are obviously animal in origin. So that would count as "biologically normal" I guess.

Hmm. "Biologically normal" Does that just apply to diet?

Not sure I understand your point bertrand.

speaknowords- but that diet would not account for our canine teeth.

Lots of things are "biologically normal" but undesirable.........

Oh yes, those canines... like hippos and gorillas have. But they're herbivores. Maybe someone should tell them that's not "biologically normal".

"The parent feeding the child gets to decide what to feed them." This certainly suggests that a parent working long hours iutside the home has no say

You think saying the person who cooks can decide what to cook is the same as saying a working parent gets no say whatever in how to raise their child?

You don't really, you just thought it was a point to score on an argument. It wasn't.

Gorillas can digest cellulose for food. They are herbivores.

Yes, as I said. So why do they have canine teeth?

Suggesting that dairy consumption is biologically normal is pretty dubious, as mentioned upthread. The ability to do so varies hugely amongst humans, and is associated with some ethnic groups much more closely than others. Given that OP hasn't mentioned her ethnic origin, it's really not an assumption that can be made.

That's not to say that eating a biologically normal diet should be a trump card necessarily. I'd be very sympathetic if OP were the veggie and her DP were effectively expecting to dictate to her that she should provide meat, for example. In that scenario it would be a big fuck off to DP. But it's pretty disingenuous to pretend meat isn't part of a biologically normal diet and/or that dairy consumption, something that not all humans can do and that's only been around five minutes in evolutionary terms, replaces it as part of a biologically normal diet nitpicking about the use of the term food group won't distract from that either.

And fundamentally, there's no compromise here, as I said upthread. DP overruling OPs decisions about what food she should provide, because it will be her, certainly isn't it. The issue is which of the parents should get their way.

The strong views on this thread indicate how important it is to discuss this stuff. If there is something you feel strongly about whether it's food, religion, schooling etc it can be really difficult to find middle ground as lots of these areas have no middle ground.

A vegetarian diet is a complete and healthy diet that entirely falls within what humans are capable of eating. It's not "biologically" abnormal.

Being vegetarian is not biologically abnormal, no.
But it is not "the norm" in our current society, I think that was Mindtrope 's point

NerrSnerr the issue is that for a non-vegetarian, eating everything including meat is not "something we feel strongly about", it is just "the norm" ie we won't think it needs discussing as it goes without saying - again, for a meat-eater.

No, I don't think it is either speaknowords. We have evolved the necessary equipment to eat meat and there's no evidence that the majority of humans have done anything other than consume it, but equally it's clear we can live healthily without it. I just think suggesting dairy consumption can replace it as part of a biologically normal diet is a stretch, given that it's a pretty new thing and not possible for all humans. You were on stronger ground with eggs.

Seems the father has been under the impression that it will be a vegetarian family, maybe because the op liked the convenience of playing along. Apparently they are intending to live together and be a couple so they need to come to a joint decision or separate and fight it out in court.

Seems like the only only compromise, is letting the child decide when they are old enough.

The parent feeding the child gets to decide what to feed them.

The parent shopping for the child gets to decide to what to buy.

The parent LIVING WITH and RAISING the children gets to decide
whether they are vegetarian or not.

Um... have we ditched equality? By that logic, if the man is earning all the money he DECIDES what food his money buys.

You don't get to force a minority choice on your partner and children against their will

By that logic all mixed faith marriages in the UK are only allowed to have christian babies because its the majority religion.

The child should be left in the biologically "normal" position

Who gets to decide what a biologically 'normal' position is. Are millions of children born in India and China not in a biologically normal position? Should women only participate in biologically normal activities or have biologically normal jobs?

Raising the DC as vegetarian until old enough to decide does not mean the mother has to be vegetarian as well. But as it stands the father has as much right as the mother to make this choice.

Actually I've just looked up eggs and I was under the impression we knew we'd been eating them for tens of thousands of years, but can't seem to find any evidence of that. Maybe I was wrong to say you were on stronger ground with eggs speakno.

I do agree living as if you are both meat eaters it won't need discussing as why would it? But if one or both are veggie/ vegan then it will. I am a veggie and husband not so we'd talked about it quite a lot in the years before babies- not in a serious 'we must talk' way but just when it has come up in the media or with friends.

I can't decide in my own mind who should win the 'should the child eat meat' decision if one parent it for and one against. I keep changing my mind.

I'm fairly sure Mindtrope was making a point about biology, hence the canine teeth comment.

In the UK, meat-eating is the majority, unarguably. But vegetarianism in some areas is culturally normal and accepted. For example, the menu at my child's primary school has a vegetarian option available by default every day. Nearly all restaurants provide vegetarian options without having to ask for a special menu or special consideration. Yes, vegetarianism is less common than meat eating, but its an accepted minority choice. And of course, the UK isn't one homogenous culture, there are cultural backgrounds where vegetarianism is the norm. For all we know that could be the DP's background.

This is a tough one. I'm a meat eater so I'm obviously biased in that way but also think one parent shouldn't be able to override the other, but on the other hand how can there be a compromise on this? Unless you take turns cooking meals so on your turn you can cook a meat dinner, and on his turn he can cook a veggie dinner? But that's not going to make him happy I expect (though I imagine it'll be an ok compromise for you).

I suppose I'm on the mindset that its best to expose children to as many different foods as possible while they are young, so taking meat out of the equation limits that a lot. Hard to figure out when I can smell my reindeer cooking.

What other species of animal in its natural environment normally drinks another species milk? Ipso facto drinking another species milk is not biologically normal.

I'm not sure that one partner's vegetarianism 'trumps' another person's non-vegetarianism. Would the same be true of religion? Should an atheist allow a religious partner to impose their religion on any children because it matters to them or because they believe in it? Or should the atheist get to choose because the children can adopt a religion later? There is no compromise in this case either.

I don't know if religion is a useful comparison. All vegetarian food is also part of a meat eaters diet. Atheism is not a subset of religious beliefs in the same way.

For me, if one of the parents is vegetarian due to personal beliefs (rather than taste preference or similar), then the most sensible compromise is to start off vegetarian and then allow the child to choose as soon as they understand and can express a preference.

Agree with speak

And obviously with the many others who have said the same

I guess that's true. It would still make me uncomfortable that one person's 'beliefs' were considered de facto more important than another's. While it is true that vegetarian food is a subset of all food, and therefore possible for anyone to eat (barring extreme food intolerances, I suppose), it's also true that food is very culturally important for some people and families.

I feel very strongly that my children should be brought up as omnivores, so why is my strong belief less important than my partner's? It doesn't matter than they can be brought up as vegetarian - I don't want them to be. I want them to experience the full range of human dietary possibilities. I don't want them to feel squeamish about eating meat or about eating fish with their heads on or mussels. Of course, if at a later stage they want to become vegetarian, I would be fine with that.

If that's your strong belief then that's fine, it's between you and your children's other parent to work out. I would assume a vegetarian or vegan partner would be a no-go for you in that case.