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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don't want DC to be a Vegetarian

212 replies

2became3 · 07/12/2016 16:00

OH is a veggie, I have been for 3 months.

I don't won't DC to be a veggie when they're old enough to eat foods.

I think they should be free to explore a range of textures and not have limited on baby lead weaning.

I haven't yet discussed this with OH, not given it much thought until now. I know he'll be against it as he often says "Aww, my veggie family" Hmm

AIBU?

P.s, I'm aware I'm being a little out of line here posting without actually talking to OH first, but I know what he's like. I've said it in fleeting before and he laughed about it like I was joking a funny joke

OP posts:
YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 08/12/2016 11:55

I think he should stop giving you the sad face and you can eat whatever the hell you like.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 11:56

Nothing to do with sex.

All to do with vegetarianism not being seen as important.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 11:57

And yes, of course either parent can do whatever the fuck they like........

user1480946351 · 08/12/2016 12:01

Nothing to do with sex, sure. Except I won't let any suggestion that a man should be able to control the actions of a woman go unchallenged.

It's all fine in theory, but you have to be honest about what that means in practice. His wishes are not more important than hers. They certainly aren't important enough to control what she does when he isn't there.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 12:06

What if the woman was the vegetarian (which is actually much more likely).

What would you think of the man insisting on feeding the children meat? Would that be OK?

schrutefarmbeets · 08/12/2016 12:07

Definitely hash this out before DC.

For me personally, if my DP wanted my hypothetical children to eat meat, I would leave my DP. It's an absolute deal breaker for me and my ethical beliefs, and it may be for him too.

user1480946351 · 08/12/2016 12:13

No difference if the woman was a vegetarian. She could feed them whatever she wanted in her own home. As could he.
Neither one can, or should try to, control the actions of the other party.

Talk about it, by all means, obviously coming to an agreement that mutually satisfies all parties. But if you can't, there is only one option: you choose what you do with your own children in your own house.
Anything else is madness.

user1480946351 · 08/12/2016 12:13

*obviously its best to come to an agreement, that should say.

Suppermummy02 · 08/12/2016 12:15

Way to end a relationship, 'tell the father to feck off he isn't getting input into to how your raising your child'. Great parenting.

Hope you dont mind the father indoctrinating the child into whatever cult goes against your views.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 08/12/2016 12:39

Suppermummy children from non-vegetarian households sometimes choose to become vegetarian too though. No one can uneat meat. Should every child be raised as a vegetarian? Or even vegan, as they can't uneat other animal products either.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 12:40

If you want your child to be a vegetarian, agreeing that they can eat meat out of your sigh is not a compromise. It's a complete "capitulation". The only possible compromise that is a compromise is vegetarian until an agreed "age of reason".

ImNotReallyReal · 08/12/2016 14:08

You need to talk it through. Work out what you both want. This goes deeper than diet, it's personal beliefs and principles.

I'm a meat eater but have never wondered how my vegetarian Hindu friends have managed to raise healthy children. So bollocks to all the 'children need meat' stuff. They need a balanced diet.

But...

This isn't about diet is it? It's about you two sitting down and working this out.

I'm married to a Muslim, I drink alcohol. I don't eat pork because I don't like it but he wouldn't deny me a bacon sarnie if I so wished. We respect each other and are able to talk about things. A good relationship should mean that one sides beliefs are never forced on the other. We decided together to raise our children Muslim until they are old enough to decide for themselves, be that at 7 or 17.

If you cannot reach agreement then I suggest you consider the bigger picture. Relationships are full of compromise, this is just the beginning.

LarrytheCucumber · 08/12/2016 18:24

Being a vegetarian is fine. My 99 year old father rarely went a doctor until he was 95.
His parents became veggie before he was born, so he was born to a vegetarian mother.

user1480946351 · 09/12/2016 12:40

Way to end a relationship, 'tell the father to feck off he isn't getting input into to how your raising your child'. Great parenting

Way to end a relationship, tell your girlfriend that your wants come first, and you get to decide what the whole family eats, even though you're not there cooking, cleaning or parenting.
Great parenting.
Hmm

woesinwonderland · 09/12/2016 12:51

I met a woman once in hospital who was a strict vegetarian, yet I saw her wolfing down meat. Apparently she was eating meat for the baby, so that it had free choice Hmm

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2016 13:49

"I met a woman once in hospital who was a strict vegetarian, yet I saw her wolfing down meat. Apparently she was eating meat for the baby, so that it had free choice hmm"

Yeah, sure. Course you did.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/12/2016 14:21

I am surprised that a number of PP seem to think this should have been discussed before conceiving. I think the only parents who discuss their future DC's diet are people with restricted diets. As someone with a non-restricted diet, I just assumed my DCs will eat everything.

I have to admit it would be hard for me personally to raise a DC vegetarian just because my OH was (hypothetically).

But I have to agree with BertrandRussell
"If you want your child to be a vegetarian, agreeing that they can eat meat out of your sigh is not a compromise. It's a complete "capitulation". The only possible compromise that is a compromise is vegetarian until an agreed "age of reason"."

As long as the "age of reason" is young enough to be able to introduce meat without any digestive issues, I don't see any harm.
Vege diets can be balanced.
A young child won't be missing out if not able to choose from a full menu in a restaurant for ex.

SpeakNoWords · 09/12/2016 14:25

I discussed it with my DP as it's part of my personal belief system, like many other things. Not a major discussion, but in passing here or there. But my DP and I were together for 10yrs plus before we started TTC, so it's hardly surprising that we managed to discuss it!

user1480946351 · 09/12/2016 14:25

The only possible compromise that is a compromise is vegetarian

That is not any kind of compromise, that is one side getting their way entirely.

And if the parent who wanted the kids to be vegetarian actually lived with them, did the cooking or shopping, maybe that could be reasonable.
But here? No. Expecting to control everyones diets remotely is not compromise. Demanding that your co-parent not eat or cook meat, in their own home, where you do not live is not compromise. It is control.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2016 14:52

Of course the OP should be able to eat whatever she likes. And cook whatever she likes for herself.But there is no way that a compromise can be reached if one parent wants the child to be vegetarian. Once you eat meat, even if nobody's watching, you are no longer a vegetarian. It's a "little bit pregnant" situation.

Obviously if the other parent has no other involvement, does no parenting, childcare or domestic work, then he/she can be disregarded. But if not, then not.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/12/2016 15:08

user but allowing the child to eat meat even is also one side getting their way. On a subject like this their isn't really a way to compromise, one parent or the other will get their way.
And this is the kind of important decision that has to be agreed, regardless of who looks after the child any day IMO. Same as religion. If you and your DP are from different religions, you can't just say whoever has the child one day can teach him whatever they want this day. It has to be coherent globally.

And again, I am a meat-eater myself. I started reading this thread thinking the vege parent was BU, but I was convinced by some PPs arguments.

user1480946351 · 09/12/2016 15:26

Of course it is always one side getting their way, because there is no compromise here.

I'm not sure why you are struggling so much with this. The parent feeding the child gets to decide what to feed them. The parent shopping for the child gets to decide to what to buy. The parent LIVING WITH and RAISING the children gets to decide whether they are vegetarian or not.

And being vegetarian is not a mainstream choice, its not the norm. 95% of people in the UK are meat eaters. You don't get to force a minority choice on your partner and children against their will.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2016 15:30

So a parent who is out at work all day, for example, and gets home after the child is in bed has absolutely no say in how that child is brought up?

user1480946351 · 09/12/2016 15:31

So a parent who is out at work all day, for example, and gets home after the child is in bed has absolutely no say in how that child is brought up

What a bizarre thing to get from my point. Are you always so good at combining obtuseness and hyperbole? It's impressive in its own way.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2016 15:41

"The parent feeding the child gets to decide what to feed them." This certainly suggests that a parent working long hours iutside the home has no say.....

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