To feel let down by my friend

[TheLaundryLady]

Background - been best friends since we were pregnant with our DC now aged 10. DC good friends. I often have her DC at our house at short notice and overnight and for weekends when she wants to go out. Also have her dog regularly overnight. All of this is rarely reciprocated which is a bug bare of DH's. She's been a single parent since marriage split 3 years ago and I have fully supported her as friends do.

It's mine and DH's wedding anniversary on 11th December and he had arranged for BF to have DC aged 10 and our dog Saturday and Sunday so that we could have some time away. Younger DC 6 is going to DM (she couldn't manage both DC and dog).

He arranged this over 3 months ago and booked hotel etc - fast forward to tonight she has had an argument with her boyfriend and is too upset to have DC and dog at the weekend.

MIL died last week after a short illness with cancer and she knows difficult it has been for both DH and I - we were really looking forward to having one night away and I'm gutted - AIBU to feel really angry at her right now ?

No, I'd be fuming. Her actions are very selfish, I'd be rethinking my relationship with her. Do you think she may come to her senses and change her mind tomorrow?

If not, Is there no chance your mum could have both DCs on this occasion? Do you have any other friends that could have the dog?

how flakey is she? its one night and it would be company for her child! at that age she doesnt need to do much. what were her actual words?

Fairweather friend! You know what to say next time she wants her kid and dog looking after, don't you?

Oh no! Is there any chance of DM taking DC and kennel/dog sitter?

She won't change her mind if I'm honest she's probably been looking for a get out - our friendship appears to be a one way street as I'm starting to realise.

DM is not in the best of health and can have one DC but not both together and the dog

DH suggested asking SIL but that doesn't feel right seeing as how she is grieving too right now

I won't be having her DC or dog anymore

And sod that so called bloody 'friendship'! I'd not be surprised if they expect you to cancel then ask that you take their DC while they 'work it out' with partner....

Sounds like an excuse sorry. And I most certainly would not be looking after her dog and child again. If she asks I would just say that she let you down big time on your anniversary get away and your not willing to do it for her anymore.

I'm gutted for you. what a selfish arse.
Next time she asks say no. It's horrible when a friendship is one sided.

Clarissa I think she has enough front to do that! And I know what my reply would be ..

I'd be angry and upset. Even if you hadn't been such a great support to her this would be very unfair. But in light of all you have done for her, purely in the spirit of friendship, it's unacceptable. Following her argument nothing seems to have actually changed for her, she's just not wanting to put herself out as she's a bit upset.

ClarissaDarling

Sadly, I wouldn't be shocked by this eithet

On a generous reading, she sounds as flakey as fuck. A less generous reading says she's a user.

Presumably she knows your MIL has just died?

I honestly think you should say something to her Fuck off! for example to express how this has made you feel.

Yes she does know about MIL and she also knows that DH and I never get any alone time and were really looking forward to a much needed break

She's told me that she's 'so sorry' and that she 'feels terrible about letting us down' - does she bollocks !!

Im confused is today not the 5th and Tuesday? So she's still going to be upset in 3+ days time? Have they split up, or has she now got a better offer??

so shes just going to sit around and wallow instead? she couldnt just suck it up for one night? get rid

Knowing that the friendship is likely over, I'd let her have it both barrels.

Tell her she's a selfish, self-centered piece of work who has been more than happy for you to help her out over and over and over, and yet she's got no problem cancelling a single reciprocal favor that was planned 3 months in advance because she had a fight with her boyfriend ... and the weekend is still 3 days away. Apparently an argument with her boyfriend means she doesn't have to be a good friend and honor a reasonable commitment several days away, knowing you haven't been out in ages (although she has, courtesy of you!), and your MIL just died.

Tell her not to call you ever again, as you're through with this one way friendship, if this doesn't result in immediate grovelling and backtracking.

Clarissa - they have split up for now but they have been on and off for about a year so who knows

I'd leave it a day and then respond telling her how disappointed you are. She will have had a chance to get over the boyfriend trouble aftermath. If she doesn't reinstate her offer I would do anything at her request again.

If she was so sorry about letting you down then she wouldn't let you down.

Ewe if it wasn't for the fact that both our DC are good friends she would have had it both barrels by now.

As it is I will withdraw from the friendship and decline all requests for help, childminding, dog sitting and support from herein in.

To be honest even if she changed her mind I wouldn't be comfortable with her having them to stay now as she has made it clear it would be a chore

I would ask the parent of another friend of DC and say its been booked for ages and friend has let you down. I would have your DC in those circumtances even if I didn't expect/want it to be reciprocated. And send the dog to kennels.

Convincing my thoughts exactly