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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel let down by my friend

135 replies

TheLaundryLady · 06/12/2016 22:59

Background - been best friends since we were pregnant with our DC now aged 10. DC good friends. I often have her DC at our house at short notice and overnight and for weekends when she wants to go out. Also have her dog regularly overnight. All of this is rarely reciprocated which is a bug bare of DH's. She's been a single parent since marriage split 3 years ago and I have fully supported her as friends do.

It's mine and DH's wedding anniversary on 11th December and he had arranged for BF to have DC aged 10 and our dog Saturday and Sunday so that we could have some time away. Younger DC 6 is going to DM (she couldn't manage both DC and dog).

He arranged this over 3 months ago and booked hotel etc - fast forward to tonight she has had an argument with her boyfriend and is too upset to have DC and dog at the weekend.

MIL died last week after a short illness with cancer and she knows difficult it has been for both DH and I - we were really looking forward to having one night away and I'm gutted - AIBU to feel really angry at her right now ?

OP posts:
mydietstartsmonday · 06/12/2016 23:48

Ask you SIL she can only say no f not up to it, she might get welcome the distraction. As for you friend, there are no words. What a cow.

ChasedByBees · 06/12/2016 23:51

Yeah she sounds pretty awful. How close is the friendship between your childre? Are they at the same school?

NoMudNoLotus · 06/12/2016 23:51

You sound really kind OP & you deserve betterFlowers

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 07/12/2016 00:02

Our DC are in the same class at school but are probably going to different high schools after year 6 ( currently in year 5)
I'm so hurt by her behaviour but I don't want it to affect our boys friendship- they were really looking forward to a sleepover though

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 07/12/2016 00:17

I would tell her how upset and disappointed you are and to never expect a favour ever again. So sorry op, you must feel terrible. Flowers

AGirlCalledJohnny · 07/12/2016 00:33

Ugh, that sucks OP. Some people are takers, and honestly, I'd save my breath, she couldn't care less and won't change. Just make sure you wise up and you stop getting taken for a mug.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/12/2016 00:37

What a selfish cow.

Bogeyface · 07/12/2016 01:01

I would go with asking your SIL if your DH will speak to her and explain the situation.

And no, I would never do the bitch a favour again either.

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 07/12/2016 08:24

I am feeling really angry this morning thinking back to all the times that I was called upon to have her DS and quite often both DS's and dog
The most recent when I was asked can you have dog - I replied yes and got back great I'll bring DC's too then shall I ?

Totally manoeuvred - never again

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 07/12/2016 08:28

Total user please stay strong and don't get suckered into helping out in the future

Roussette · 07/12/2016 08:48

What a selfish woman. I would go silent for a day or so. She will know she's really let you down and going silent will have her thinking. In fact, I would go silent full stop.

And yes obviously refuse to do her any favours at all.

AyeAmarok · 07/12/2016 08:56

Is she likely to text you with inane chitchat over the next few days, to test the water?

If so, is just ignore her.

ChasedByBees · 07/12/2016 08:58

Your sons will be old enough to arrange their own friendships from now on then. They can meet in the park.

rollonthesummer · 07/12/2016 09:04

You need to practise what you're going to say to her when she asks you to have her dog. I bet in her head-offering to have your dog/child is on a par to actually having them (even though she blew you out!) so she probably still thinks you owe her!

Note3 · 07/12/2016 09:14

Bloody hell, she is unbelievable! I have literally been gobsmacked reading your posts OP. Please do not let her coerce you into having her children or dog again. She will likely come up with all sorts of reasons and emergencies but you need to either stand firm and be honest and say you were majorly let down in your time of need or if you would find that too difficult then think of some excuses such as you've not been feeling well or have clubs for the children or family commitments and you can't have extra children to take along.

Mulberry72 · 07/12/2016 09:26

Echo everything PP's have said, what selfish user she is. How on earth does she know she's still going to be upset at weekend? I wouldn't respond to any of her texts/calls, you come across as so lovely in your posts OP and you deserve much better Flowers. Really hope you can get something sorted out.

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 07/12/2016 13:49

OP, you are justified in feeling angry towards your "friend". The fact that she let you down so badly with such a lame excuse. How will she know how she will feel in 4 days time.

I honestly wouldn't bother with her again but I would have to let her know how you feel if she tries to contact you like nothing has happened.

LagunaBubbles · 07/12/2016 13:53

What a selfish person she really sounds like OP, its a pretty poor excuse.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 07/12/2016 14:00

She's probably got a Christmas night out offer.

I would let her have it with both barrels.

NapQueen · 07/12/2016 14:04

I'd be livid! What a selfish cow.

Certainly no offers of help for her anymore.

Could the eldest do a sleepover at another friends with you doing the weekend after?

Any other friends who could mind the dog?

Msqueen33 · 07/12/2016 15:38

What a horrible individual she is. I'd withdraw from the friendship as it's clear she's a complete user.

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 07/12/2016 15:49

Thank you all

I have had a message from her mum today saying that's she's really upset that she's let me down and can I give her a big hug next time I see her - like fuck will I do that !!

She's also messaged me to ask if we have sorted anything , I said no we've cancelled it and I just got back 'I'm so sorry'

Plan B for us is for DM to have DS's for a few hours on Sunday whilst we go out for a nice lunch. SIL will have DC and dog for a weekend at some point after the new year.

OP posts:
ringaling · 07/12/2016 15:57

That's awful
If you were my friend I would do it even if my leg was hanging off.
So sorry you have a shitty mate

dustarr73 · 07/12/2016 16:00

I would text her,she has shot herself in the foot.No more favours.And just leave it.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 07/12/2016 16:04

Wait, she lets you down massively and her mum wants you to comfort her? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I'd be sorely tempted to do the same to her next time she asks for a favour (but I wouldn't because I'm a big bloody chicken)

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