To feel let down by my friend

[TheLaundryLady]

Background - been best friends since we were pregnant with our DC now aged 10. DC good friends. I often have her DC at our house at short notice and overnight and for weekends when she wants to go out. Also have her dog regularly overnight. All of this is rarely reciprocated which is a bug bare of DH's. She's been a single parent since marriage split 3 years ago and I have fully supported her as friends do.

It's mine and DH's wedding anniversary on 11th December and he had arranged for BF to have DC aged 10 and our dog Saturday and Sunday so that we could have some time away. Younger DC 6 is going to DM (she couldn't manage both DC and dog).

He arranged this over 3 months ago and booked hotel etc - fast forward to tonight she has had an argument with her boyfriend and is too upset to have DC and dog at the weekend.

MIL died last week after a short illness with cancer and she knows difficult it has been for both DH and I - we were really looking forward to having one night away and I'm gutted - AIBU to feel really angry at her right now ?

Honestly I'd give the family a wide berth. They sound like a nightmare on wheels. Sorry you missed out but on the plus side at least you're not leaving your ds with a complete flake.

Had a message - she's having a really hard time , thought she was having a mental breakdown and couldn't cope..

but will have DC in a couple of weeks when her head is straight !

sure she was. Not enough of a breakdown to send her mum to hunt you down and make sure you're nice with her.

don't accept. she's really not reliable and you'll just get hurt. right now she's realised she's gone too far and that her free child and dog sitter is at stake so she's trying to make amends without having to actually do anything.

if she really wanted to, she'd keep her word.

you're well rid. and as for her mum

I think of myself as a kind compassionate person but I'm struggling to feel any sympathy for her right now - fed up with being taken the piss out of.

Don't mean to sound ungrateful but I don't need her to have him in 2 weeks time.

At least I now know that I can't rely on her

Eddie my thoughts exactly

Bollocks. Just say no thanks

Nice flippant use of 'mental breakdown' there 🙄.

I would screen shot all the times she asked to have kids/dog and send it to her.

I'd just reply "no thanks"

I'd say "we can't afford to go away in 2 weeks time as we spent our money on this hotel for this weekend"

She doesn't need to know the hotel won't charge

I agree with Eddie. When you (hopefully) don't respond with sympathy to her 'distress' I would imagine that you will receive an offer to have your ds and dog, couched in terms that would leave you in little doubt that to accept the offer would be a heinous crime on your part!
For the best revenge I would stay polite and then when the inevitable request for you to have her dc comes I would laugh like a loon!

What did you respond to her last message op?

Send what Nap suggests.

What an utter waste she is, nasty using cow. She certainly got her money's worth out of you and now is shitting herself because she knows she's pushed you too far hence the bull shit 'mental breakdown' story. I'm so sorry you've had to miss out on your time away, if I lived near you and we were friends I'd have babysat for you including the dog! Hope you can salvage a day our together at least.

I would reply to her latest purely because if you ignore then she will push and push and get her flying monkey mother messaging you again too.

"I do not wish to continue our friendship. You let me down after offering (NOT being asked) to babysit, costing me a significant amount of money, and you seem to think that it doesnt matter. Well it does. I have babysat your children and your animals far more often than you have done for me, and far more often than was convenient. I did it because thats what friends do. Friends dont offer to do a favour and then withdraw at the last minute for frankly shitty reasons. Dont contact me again and do not ask others to contact me on your behalf."

Then delete and block.

I too had friends like this. You are not alone. She is deeply selfish. I hope you get better friends in future and get to have your night out too.

Gosh she's really desperate for you to make her feel better, whilst not actually doing anything to resolve the situation herself....

If she was having a mental breakdown then she wouldn't be feeling better to babysit in a few weeks. It's disgusting the way she's trying to get sympathy from you knowing that your MIL has just died. Just shows how one-sided the friendship is. Never do her another favour.

What boogie said.

• " Bogeyface

I would reply to her latest purely because if you ignore then she will push and push and get her flying monkey mother messaging you again too.

"I do not wish to continue our friendship. You let me down after offering (NOT being asked) to babysit, costing me a significant amount of money, and you seem to think that it doesnt matter. Well it does. I have babysat your children and your animals far more often than you have done for me, and far more often than was convenient. I did it because thats what friends do. Friends dont offer to do a favour and then withdraw at the last minute for frankly shitty reasons. Dont contact me again and do not ask others to contact me on your behalf."

*Bogey, not Boogie.

I like that "no thanks".

I would love to be a fly on the wall the next time she asks you to look after her brood and the answer is a resounding NO. I'd love to see the expression on her face as realisation dawns....

Get rid, I had a user friend like this, I Baby sat even when trying to run my company! Paid for Everything with promises of returning the favour which never happened or always cancelled.

They are just user's.

Having a hard time coping and thinks she's having a breakdown? What a crock.

Er, no. She's had a row with her boyfriend and broken up with him. That's not the same as having a breakdown FFS.

And if you call her out on it you will be the bad guy for being so demanding at a time when she is feeling vulnerable.

I'd be so hurt and absolutely furious. I am not a one for big angry confrontations but I would have to say something. Can't believe the fucking cheek of her mother but to be fair perhaps her mum has no idea of the extent to which she uses you and never reciprocates. Perhaps you should tell her.

I think I'd be texting back to her mum with:

'I won't be asking her to have them in a couple of weeks time or ever. Nor will I be giving her a hug for letting me down on the 11th because of a row with her boyfriend on the 6th, but thanks for the suggestion.

Do you have any idea of how unbalanced this 'friendship' has been, and how much she takes me for granted and relies on me for practical and emotional support but rarely reciprocates when I need it?

I have always known that I am the giver and she is the taker in this 'friendship' but I've just been jolted into realising the full extent of it. She is not only a taker but a user and I am not only a giver but a fool.

No more.

Don't feel any sympathy for her! She's coming up with utter bollocks because she knows she was in the wrong and she's trying to guilt trip you into feeling sorry for her so she can still be a grasping selfish twat in the future. Either send her back something that shows you've realised that or blank her completely.

I'd type back,

Oh goody! We're yet again making this aaaallll about you. Honestly, your selfishness has reached breathtaking new heights.