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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find being a working mother exhausting

126 replies

Mammylamb · 06/12/2016 19:02

Back at work from mat leave. Working 30 hours over 4 days and just finding it bloody exhausting! Son is knackered when we get home and he cries until asleep. Then wakes up during the night keeping us all awake. With work, housework and childcare I'm finding the whole thing knackering (even with DH who pulls his weight). Feel guilty for putting son at childminders, , guilty for being a half assed wife / dog mama/ daughter / friend / sister/ employee . I absolutely adore my son and so glad we have him. But wow, this is hard. I can't be the only one???? Do most mums feel like this? How the hell do single mothers manage? Any tips for how you manage would be appreciated!!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2016 19:03

How long has it been and how old is your son?

Original poster
Mammylamb · 06/12/2016 19:05

4 months and he's 16 months

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 06/12/2016 19:07

It will get better but gradually. Sorry that's not much help :(

dreamingofsun · 06/12/2016 19:08

what time is he waking up in the mornings? is he getting enough sleep? you just have to readjust your expectations and conc on things that are important - ie decent food, fun family time, having bear essentials in the house.
if you go on housekeeping section they often have labour saving tips. batch cooking/using feezer/buying shopping OL. can you get a cleaner - this was a godsend for me.

You aren't going to want to hear this - but you have one child, and you are working PT with a husband living at home. it could be much harder.

dreamingofsun · 06/12/2016 19:08

And of course, you need a slow cooker!!!!!

Mountainhighchair · 06/12/2016 19:09

Do you have a long commute? Does ds eat dinner at the childminders? What time do you get home with him?

loveulotslikejellytots · 06/12/2016 19:10

Yep. I felt exactly the same. I've been back 2 months now and it's slowly getting better! It helps getting super organised. When I cook, I cook double and freeze it. Then use the frozen dinner on a work night.

Clothes are ironed and out ready for the morning, including dd's clothes.

Bags and lunches packed at night. Now the weather is cold I have been putting bags in the car at night.

Wash up that night, never leave it till morning. Greasy cold washing up water at 6am is disgusting!

DH also does his fair share here so I have no idea how people do it alone/ with a useless partner.

It felt it got better after a while.

lozzylizzy · 06/12/2016 19:10

I was finding it hard too so I had a brainwave....work evenings and weekends! Wow I end up being more knackered....

I think it is just hard work full stop and broken nights don't help. Forget about being half this and that, you aren't! It will come around it has only been 4 months. The main thing is chill......if you are calm things come easier such as the mundane tasks or you end up like a tightly wound coil. If you forget things dont worry as long as everyone is ok (ive forgot about school trips and sent eldest for school meals......)

We are all human and no one is perfect xxx

Loulou2kent · 06/12/2016 19:12

I'm sorry, I have no suggestions. I'm doing 5 10/11hr days a week & it's really tough with a baby & 5yr old. Also have a DP who is going through his own issues at the moment & not been out in months so everything's falling on me. Wish we could get a better balance.

My only suggestion would be trying to be organised as much as possible. Im not sure about down time. I find there is none in this house. I'm always chasing my tail.

I just wanted to say don't feel guilty about sending your son to a childminder. I'm a childminder & I feel guilty my children come last! So trust me we all feel guilty about something. So don't be hard on yourself & im sure he will get a lot out of being with a childminder Smile.

All I will say is that I think most people's worst time is collecting kids & getting home. There's always masses to do & kids are tired & your tired, and you need to sort dinner & organise stuff for the next day & get babies washed & in jim jams. It's relentless. I often find between 4.30-7.30 someone's always crying/whining/tired/hungry/bored etc etc. Just the worst part of the day!

Things will get easier the older your child gets & you'll soon get into the swing of things.

Really hope someone comes along with some positive suggestions!!

honeylulu · 06/12/2016 19:13

I think once the sleep aspect resolves you will find it easier. I'm FT and I find working less tiring than looking after my children and household stuff all day. Now THAT is hard work.
Good luck.

FourToTheFloor · 06/12/2016 19:15

I'm finding this with dd2. I thought it was easy with dd1 but I'm constantly exhausted this time, haven't been cold-free since September and just generally miserable.

I'm going back ft in Jan which I am hoping will help as I'm currently trying to cram 5 days into 3 and look after dd2 2 days who I've nicknamed search and destroy

I will do 3 days from home so hopefully that will help as I can do cm and school drops/collections on different days.

foreverinthered · 06/12/2016 19:15

I've worked 50 hours a week since DD was 6 mo. She's 2 now and I feel like I've been running on empty forever . I know exactly what you mean, so much pressure and guilt. No advise but I'm there with you - and I'm sure your doing great!

EveOnline2016 · 06/12/2016 19:16

If you can afford it either pay for a cleaner or an extra morning/afternoon with the childminder.

Use that time to do housework or sleep.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 06/12/2016 19:17

Dreaming of sun; he's been teething last few weeks so waking up at about 6.30 but up numerous times during the night! Think the sleep deprivation is the killer

I absolutely know it could be worse but with an hour commute each way, working through lunch, and the odd late night; it still feels a lot.

I have been doing the batch cooking at the weekend, and that's been great.

Now a cleaner. Always thought "that's not for the likes of us" but beginning to think it might be a good idea!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammylamb · 06/12/2016 19:20

Oh wow Loulou . You sound like you have your hands full! Have some flowers Flowers

OP posts:
mummypig14 · 06/12/2016 19:21

I am fucking exhausted. DS is 5 and I don't feel it's easier

I work full time, 9-6. But commuting means I leave at 6.30 and home at 7.30.

I'm sat on my way home now and could cry I'm so tired! Do3snt help that DS is a crap sleeper!!

Alabastard · 06/12/2016 19:24

YANBU. I feel like I'm swimming through treacle.

Working 37 hours a week with a 10 month old.

dreamingofsun · 06/12/2016 19:24

lack of sleep and long commute are hard. sleep will hopefully be ok once teething is done. can you do anything about the commute? are you using your time wisely - ie if you do this by train, think about doing your grocery shop when travelling, and catching up on emails. i ruthlessly chopped out anything non essential and thought about most time efficient ways of doing everything.

a cleaner is a godsend. go for it. best thing i ever did

Normandy144 · 06/12/2016 19:24

I'm going back to work full time in a couple of months, when my children will be 1 yr and 3.9 yrs old. I've said from the start I will be appointing a cleaner on a weekly basis. There is no way I'm spending my evening or weekend doing it.

PinkaColada · 06/12/2016 19:31

Another checking in here. Full time teacher with a 13month old. Still wakes up in the night up to three times. I'm permanently knackered.

I have a cleaner, a mother in law who does two days of childcare and a wonderful husband. It's still so hard. I too feel like I'm not good enough at either parenting or teaching. Pre parenthood I loved a bit of 'me time', now I've forgotten what that is.

No real advice, except get the cleaner, just solidarity.

SouthofMaui · 06/12/2016 19:31

A cleaner around here cost about £10 an hour. If you can afford £20 a week, I would highly recommend it!

Weekends are not designed for housework! (unless you genuinely love cleaning, it's therapeutic for some people).

Loulou2kent · 06/12/2016 19:32

Thanks Mammy Smile they are full, but I think so many of us have the same struggles. It's all about balance. I love my job, however I get so jealous of people who are employed & can take a sneaky days holiday whilst kids are at school! That would be amazing. I take 2 weeks a year because I'm terrified of messing my parents about!

When the boys are bigger it will get easier. I went back when my son was 5 weeks & he's now 13 months. It's just life as I know it right now but it could be worse xx

chocolateworshipper · 06/12/2016 19:35

Me too. Kids are much older, but teenagers are bloody exhausting too - just in a different way! Watching this thread in case anyone has a magic answer.

SharpLily · 06/12/2016 19:36

Not at all U.

I hated being a stay at home mum so I went back to work, and while getting out and about with adults is wonderful there aren't many mornings where I don't find myself muttering 'this working mum thing is BULLSHIT' as I struggle to get us all out of the door on time and with all the things we need, and then to stay awake and on the ball all day.

Haven't come up with a solution yet but am working on something.

Naughtysausage · 06/12/2016 19:36

40 hour week with a 10 month old. He's at nursery and that's wonderful. I'm pretty sure they do a better job of looking after him than I do. So my guilt isn't too rampant.
I do work from home two days a week which really helps. But god I'm still tired. At Christmas there's a couple of days of annual leave where baby is going to nursery and I am going to sleep and have actual conversations with DH. It's going to be wonderful.

P.s. We have a cleaner and she's great (2 hours every other week)