To find being a working mother exhausting

[Mammylamb]

Back at work from mat leave. Working 30 hours over 4 days and just finding it bloody exhausting! Son is knackered when we get home and he cries until asleep. Then wakes up during the night keeping us all awake. With work, housework and childcare I'm finding the whole thing knackering (even with DH who pulls his weight). Feel guilty for putting son at childminders, , guilty for being a half assed wife / dog mama/ daughter / friend / sister/ employee . I absolutely adore my son and so glad we have him. But wow, this is hard. I can't be the only one???? Do most mums feel like this? How the hell do single mothers manage? Any tips for how you manage would be appreciated!!!

How old are your dc? At some point you'll be able to exercise while they're awake

I feel similar. Went back to work when DS was 10 months, 4 days a week. At first work was a break. Now it is relentless and stressful. DS is now 2, naps for 30 mins at best, doesn't go to sleep till 9:30, still wakes most nights. We had a blissful 6 weeks when he fell asleep at 7:30 but that has passed...sigh. I am lucky in many ways with local job and supportive DH but I also feel it is knackering, I am moody all the time, I am not good at being a Mum, wife or worker but just muddle through them all trying not to cry or shout. I feel I am barely coping at times and feel I am failing everybody. I love my day with my son but I find it much much harder to be 'in the zone' with him when I am stressed after work and find I am just waiting for him to go to sleep which I feel awfully guilty about. Can't afford any help, no local family.
There are some nice tips on this thread, esp bits which tell me not to worry about housework ha ha!! So I guess - YANBU. It's tiring. I know I need to sort of embrace it instead of wishing it away but it's hard when I still fantasise about sleep!

I hate hate getting up in the mornings, manic school run to breakfast club.
get to work and walk the streets for five hours (postie lol) feeling like a pack horse.

Come home, pick up dd. And then it feels like cook, clean, grocery shop. Plus clubs twice a week for dd.
I honestly think you make a list of stuff that needs done and then a pile more adds to it a day later.
Drives me nuts and it's so exhausting and monotonous.
Pisses me off when your on Facebook and see people who don't work moan about how tired they are when their kids are at school and they haven't worked for ages .

Those of you on this thread with DPs...I hope they're as exhausted as you are! If not, what's their excuse??

Does it work out better financially for most of you to go to work rather than stay at home?

I ask only as I'm going back to work soon but if I find it too shit I shall stop - after travel my wages barely cover childcare anyway.

Stealth 4 & 2 but I'm already multi-tasking when they're awake and having to park them in front of a TV half the time to allow me to get stuff done like get myself ready in the morning or get dinner ready in the evening. I can't see how them being older would actually enable me to exercise as the other jobs won't be getting themselves done either.

I feel the pain. Just gone back to work full time, clocking up easily 50 hours p/w (secondary school, slt position) and not even making a dent in the chaos which is my job after inadequate (no) mat cover.. plus 9month DS who since ive gone back hasn't slept longer than 3 hrs straight due to teeth, nursery bugs etc. Guilt guilt guilt exhaustion guilt stress exhaustion guilt guilt... I need Xmas to come now- and it's only a blooming shorter break this year 😞 Sorry, no tips, just solidarity. I'm looking forward to when it gets easier like everyone says!

"Does it work out better financially for most of you to go to work rather than stay at home?"

Yes, it does, although DH earns enough that I don't have to work if I don't want to. I like my job though, and I have worked hard to retrain over the last few years so that when I go back after DC3 I will be able to go part time (exams finished now thank goodness). The financial issue isn't my main motivation to work though. I like working (although FT was too much really - but essential to my retraining) and I don't want to give it up. I am not sure what I would do if my choice was FT or nothing - that was pretty much the case with my previous career, hence the retraining... So maybe I've answered my own question there!

"Those of you on this thread with DPs...I hope they're as exhausted as you are! If not, what's their excuse??"

Yes, my DH is exhausted also. He works very hard and rarely just sits and relaxes. I think he has forgotten how!

Single mother here. But even though I'm exhausted and spread too thin it's still better than being abused my exh.

Thank you for this thread OP, no you are most definitely not alone! I have 2 dc, 20 months and nearly 7 and work full time teaching, with responsibility for departments. I'm so lucky in that my mum does 4 days childcare and clubs plus last lesson of the day frees (3 a fortnight) mean I can do pickup from school. 1 day it's nursery from the youngest but I'll increase that as he gets older. It's only just starting to click after a year but I have to be so disciplined, I leave work on time (fight the kids to the exit!) 4 days a week and stay late 1 for meetings, marking etc. I work most evenings and holidays but it means our weeks are less stressful. I did 4 days a week with dd and it was harder sometimes as I'd find I still had loads to do on my day of. I'm getting a cleaner soon as we just can't keep on top of things and I'm decluttering hugely over Xmas.
DS barely sleeps, I'm in the bath now trying to ignore dh trying to get him back off to sleep, we've had to abandon sleep training or night weaning as none of us were getting any sleep. I just carve our little nuggets of time wherever I can, while driving to work for an hour I sing to the radio, talk to dd, on my way home I do the shop in 30 mins flat. If I have to stay late at work for a performance or something I'll take an hour out to do the shopping or just browse sainsburys clothes and buy dinner!
People ask me how I do it all....answer is I don't. I'm sure someone will be onto me soon and realise I'm a crap teacher and fairly crap mum...
I've considered going part time but the hit financially plus the possibility it might see me edged out in favour of younger, unencumbered,bloody chirpy young uns keeps me there full tie. But I do enough to get by and for own that's good enough. Second all the advice here though, all the practical stuff. Just wish I could get dh to see the mess and organisation that goes into every day, he does have a long commute but it's via train and he gets to just sit and fall asleep whereas I just have my mind racing all the bloody time.
Weve just had our kitchen done and I'm marking out a wall for a chalkboard calendar, what needs doing today, tomorrow, next week. I'm hoping if it's near the beer he might notice it and step up a bit more.

YANBU. My DC's are 12 and 10 so not in need of constant supervision anymore but between my job, kids, after school activities, cooking, housework, the dog and elderly MIL, I'm bloody knackered. But I love my job and my kids are amazing, so we manage.

We both work full time i with motorway commutes and DS is 12 months old. No family around. Awesome childminder. Routine, structure, quality time, cleaner, two cars, online shopping, weekend cooking and usually it's a comfy life :)

You need a cleaner. We've had one since before DS was born.

YANBU.

I went back to work full time for 4 years and felt like you for the whole time. In the end i left and am now part time and around for my children, drop off/pick up etc. They are so much happier, I am so much happier, we are so much poorer, but that is the decision we took.

I went back part-time when dd was born. It was still hard to leave her but I had time with her, without DH, and it was great.

I still work part-time even though both kids are in school.

Holidays would be impossible without part-time work.

See if you can budget differently and get work on a part-time basis or job share, if that is what you want.

It does get easier. My DS is approaching senior school and whilst I still have to rush to collect from after school club, at home after homework he amuses himself so
I get to tidy up and have a cuppa. Keep going. Good luck.

Waah. I start back at work tomorrow. Baby starts nursery. I've cleaned, shopped, prepped, packed bags, laid out tomorrow's clothes, made tomorrow's dinner, organised a lift share... and I still feel like I haven't done enough to be ready. I know I'm going to be anxious guilty and exhausted .

It's three days a week, term time only. Its the perfect job. But it still feels awful.

Does it work out better financially for most of you to go to work rather than stay at home?

No, it didn't. In fact, I got into debt in the first years. However, very soon I was earning a decent salary and was able to work more flexibly once I'd established myself. I certainly wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't gone back to work early on. I know many far more able women than me who are stuck in jobs they hate, way beneath their abilities, because they had a lot of time out.

My advice to my DDs is not to stop work. Find a way to keep your career going.

I'm in same boat although work part time. I've just had time off. I find it so hard!

I have 2 DC and work 25 hours. I have a cleaner 2 hours a week and my eldest is at nursery on one of my days off. I'm knackered and could only do it with the help of my DH who works 45 hour weeks.but is soooooo supportive. Plus I'm term time only which helps ease the guilt.
It does get easier. I could only do it as I love my job. That makes all the difference to me

I work full time, in a high pressure job (not saying all of them aren't when you're a Mum but mean I manage high availability IT systems that occasionally fall over in middle of night, I get screamed at a lot) I have a 2 year old, I also do a 6 hour round trip commute 3 times a week (bonkers). I stay overnight away from home in bad hotels at
My own expense once a week (tonight in a shithole beside Heathrow runway) I have an amazing husband who more than pulls his weight. And I'm Barely. Holding. My. Sh*t. Together.
Probably not helpful. But & for you. You are NOT alone.

Exercise-I go round the park between 7 and 7:30 am twice a week, don't need to leave the house till 8:15 on those mornings and yes dd is 10 so fine home alone for those 30 minutes. I also do 5 minutes of plates before showering on the mornings I don't run.

*Does it work out better financially for most of you to go to work rather than stay at home?
*

Yes it does. But more crucially it's the route to keeping your career moving. These early years are about juggling and they are exhausting. It's the way to ensure you put in these few years of hard work to not find yourself out of a career and out of the loop.

Yes definitely for us. Losing mine or dh wage would be a big loss. Plus I do like working.

Just wish it wasn't so tiring!