to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

[tankerdale]

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

So before giving a child anything more than a few words which someone else can easily say if necessary, should teachers be getting written confirmation that the child will be at all the performances?

Barring illness or Acts of God, of course.

It's for the school to decide when your child is required to attend, not your choice.

Yes, during normal school hours. Not extra curricular non compulsory stuff.

Empress, a letter from the school a couple of weeks beforehand to make parents aware of the evening performance would have been useful. In my case, I could have then made them aware that my children wouldn't be able to attend. For other people, the couple of weeks notice may have allowed them to arrange babysitters/lifts etc.

The previous post which asserts that "it's for the school to decide when your child attends" and suggests that anyone whom doesn't wish to comply with this should home-school, is frankly ridiculous. Schools do not have a right to demand that children attend out of school hours.

teaching is a skill that not everyone can just do

Well there are some on MN that think it isn't it would seem.

I'm a secondary drama teacher. We always send letters home at the start of a project and get permission slips from parents. It seems odd to me if primary schools aren't doing this.

Take her if you want, don't if you don't want. There's no school requiring anything. They can ask. But they can't force. If you feel you are able fine, if not, don't.

My ds has been "required" to go twice. Once in yr two, where I didn't bother as it didn't work for us and one in year three where it did work for us and he went.

Don't see what the big deal is.

Our HT said if you don't come back for the evening performance then you don't get to go to the Christmas year 6 party. One way of doing it.

I think if people can then they should. I'm a working single parent and I was really grateful that DD's performance was in the evening otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go. And yep I took 6yo DD along both nights, she changed into her onsie in the interval!

I think schools can't do right for doing wrong...people complain about daytime performances as they can't get time off work, then they complain about evening performances because they can't be bothered to go.

It's so depressing. Teachers do stuff. They give up their time to do it. And parents can't be arsed to support them.

I wonder whether it's because education is "free". I bet private school parents would turn up.

I think she should go but the fact that you have a 1yo definitely creates a problem.
I would be asking my dh to try and come home early for once so that one of us could go. Or is there someone who can look after your baby for a couple of hours.
Dd should def go though. V frustrating for teachers to get noshows in this situation- I mean if there are lots not one or two.

Annie, I think that is outrageous. Any HT who says somethi g like that has totally lost the plot. It is punishing children for decisions their parents might make on their behalf.

I know Aderyn. I accept you do need the kids to come back for the evening performance but threatening to stop them going to their last primary Christmas party if they don't was not a good move. Pretty much typical of this HT though.

I would def take them. It's one night. A 1 year old can fall asleep in sling or on your lap if tired, or you can put down for a later nap that day so they nap 2-4pm or whatever. Do people really never go out with babies after 5pm? We would never have gone anywhere otherwise, just took them and they join in or sleep.

And a 9year old should surely cope with bed after 8pm?

I think YABU. But only because my year 4 does extra curricular activities and doesn't get home until 8:15 one night a week. She's been doing that for over a year now (brownies) and although she was crabby as for the first couple of months, we soon got into a new routine, including her younger siblings.

It is only a one off occasion. If they did just day time performances working parents would miss out.

That said, I also have children who are struggling with end of term-itis. Next week we have our two evening performances of the school Xmas show, the following week is the evening christingle. If they want to, there will also be a school disco one Friday evening.

This time of year is notoriously busy for little ones.

You have to go with what is best for you and your family. But do remember this will come up again next year so you do need to have a contingency plan in place.

Also most parents work. If a show wa snag earlier than 6pm most would never be able to go.

With enough notice I'm sure they could take leave. It's only once a year.

Is one late night for a 1 year old really that big of a deal??

Yes it's only once a year, but so is Sports Day, Carol service, Harvest assembly, class assembly (well, that's 3x a year). Then if you have a child in each KS that's doubled.

Lots of parents have to save leave for childcare or for more important things than their child being one of X number of kids in a choir.

Lots of parents have to save leave for childcare or for more important things than their child being one of X number of kids in a choir.

Lots of teachers have more important things to do with their evenings, (like being with their own DC) than watching other people's DC in a play.

I'm sure when I was a kid all the performances were in the day.

You mentioned not liking to have to ask a favour of grandparents, so I assume you have some near. Why don't you ask if they would like to go to the performance and take/bring home your DD? Many grandparents would leap at the chance, then it's a 'treat' for them rather than a chore by asking them to babysit while you go.

My 5 year old ds is doing two evening performances plus a matinee of his school play. His part is walking on the stage, standing still, walking off again and joining in the singing of the songs!! My evening last night went like this:
Picked up the kids early from school to get the dd to the opticians at 3.30. Rushed home at 4.15 to reheat food I cooked this morning to chuck it down before rushing to Irish dancing at 5. Left dd there and took ds back to school at 5.30 to get ready for his school play. Left him there to go home and carry on working to make up for missed time and to recover from indigestion due to eating so quickly (I have IBS). Then will go back to get dd at 6.30 and then back to school to get ds at 7.15 then home to chillax!!!!

Well, that's just a normal weeknight to me Ihate, except mine are older so chillax time starts around 9.30. Mine both go to about 4 evening activities a week, so slotting in Christmas productions hardly makes a difference. It's different for different families.