to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

[tankerdale]

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

we only ever did one evening performance at Primary school, and that was the christmas panto, and permission slips were always sent out.

All of my Secondary School performances were evenings, but they took it REALLY seriously, putting on very professional, full scale performances that the whole school got involved with. All the art/textiles lessons being based on making the costumes and sets, the IT dept worked on the lighting rigs, drama dept did all the rehearsals...etc

I don't think primary is the level to be getting all in a tizz about this, there will be plenty more opportunities in the future. I wouldn't send them.

my2bundles You do, of course, realise that all of your post applies to the teachers themselves.
It's outside our working hours, we don't want to let everyone else down, parents' evenings do, in reality, revolve around us (bit of a pointless parent/teacher consultation if the teacher isn't there), we also have other commitments in the evenings and why should we give those up for an out of hours school event (for the benefit of other people's children) to appease parents (working or otherwise).

Bloody glad we rarely do these things nowadays.

Are you seriously comparing parents evenings which are part of your job descriptions to out of school hour non compulsory activities for 8 year olds?

I have a class of 30 children. We do an afternoon and an evening performance and dates are given a term in advance. I teach Year 6. 12 children came back for the evening performance, and those 12 knew it wasn't as good and were sad. They tried their best but it was hard with so few of them. And I feel so sorry for the parents who came to watch the evening one as it wasn't as good, and the reasons were for things that are on every week e.g. Scouts.

I don't get what we're expected to do - not offer an evening one? But then working parents can't see it.

If you do bring your child back, we love you. If you don't, because you don't want to bother, not because you can't, then I'm sad about what you're teaching your children about team work. What would happen if everyone thought like you?

You mentioned them my2bundles!
To the teacher bleating about letting everyone down you need to realise that pupils and parents evenings do not revolve around you.

I only feel an obligation to 'team work' if it is something I have agreed to. That's a good lesson for children too.

If you want to do an evening performance, find out in advance who is able to come and adapt as necessary. If not enough children want to/are able to do an out of school activity then don't do it.

So children are ok to let down their scout group/other team activity for the sake of school play? My child already has commitments on a Friday, no he won't let them down for a one off out of school hours production.

I never bothered taking mine for evening performances.

Parent consultations are part of our job description, parent's evenings aren't. We could hold parent consultations from 3 until 4, with no evening appointments at all and be well within our responsibilities. But we don't as we appreciate this would make them impossible for working parents!

That's fine, my2bundles. I presume you won't have an issue if all the teachers at your kids' school withdraw their goodwill and stop putting on clubs and events outside school hours altogether.

Ffs, why the hell should we go to any effort above and beyond if that's your attitude?

I presume you can go to all afternoon performances then? Do you not get that it is a class performance and doesn't really work without the class?

Scouts can still continue to a pretty similar standard without 1 or 2 kids. The performance not so much.

Do you not see that we can't win?

I had plenty that said they would bring their child back but then came and watched them in the afternoon and decided not to bother. So selfish.

My attitude is to encourage my child to support the team he plays for every Friday, is that wrong? Or should I encourage him to completely let them down one week? I can assure you my child's teacher would not expect him to let down his weekly commitments.

And what about letting down his classmates? Does that not matter?

So bundles do you think there should be no evening performances then? What would you say to the working parents who can't see their child perform?

And I'll ask again, how would you feel if your child's school withdrew ALL of their extra-curricular provision? Bet you'd be on here creating merry hell about your child missing out.

Plan, find out which children can commit to the evening and which cannot. Do not expect parents and children to rearrange their lives outside of school hours then play the guilt trip card when they refuse.

Christmas fairs, summer fairs, after school clubs, parents evenings in the evening, all conflict with commitments I have outside of school... but of course I do them as I believe that school is a community and a team that all pitches in.

My child does not take part in any extra curricular activity provided by school. His interests are not covered by them.

Teachers can't win- only do day performances and you're excluding working parents - do evening performances and you're messing up their bedtime routines. I'm sure the teachers would rather not bother too but they do it for the benefit of your children!

Bundles we DO but people say they'll come and then don't once they've seen their child as child is too tired etc. I had 25 replies and 12 turn up and that's common.

You quite clearly have never had anything to do with organising anything in a school. Attempting advance confirmation counts for very little in the event - people change their minds/turn up or not regardless of what they might have written on a slip weeks before.

They should just do them in the daytime or put up with children not attending the evening performance.
None of mine could have gone back to a school performance as all were either performing at a professional level or playing sport at county level and required by the team.
Luckily they only did daytime productions until y6 and then most of them were able to manage just the one night off.

I had a child in my class once who asked for and was given a major part in the school play. Two days before the play , he told me he wouldn't be at the evening performance as he wanted to go to the cinema with his friend! Luckily another child stepped up and agreed to learn the part.
Mum then complained that her child should still be allowed to perform the major part in the afternoon performance, even though he couldn't be bothered to turn up for the evening one!

Well I'm glad your child is happy and day time things suits you. Have you considered how you might feel if it didn't suit you? I bet you'd take them to the evening performance if it was the only one you'd be able to watch...

Perhaps we should ONLY have evening performances. Let's do that.