to think school can't require dd to come back in the evening for performance?

[tankerdale]

Genuinely don't know if IABU. DD is year 4. Christmas production is a play featuring mainly years 5&6, other children are required to be in a choir. Performance is 6pm on a Friday night which means dropping dd at 5.15 and collecting about 8.15 or going to watch. Dd has end of term-it is, is ryb down and doesn't want to do it. I have two younger children, youngest is 1 and DH isn't reliably back home til 8.30pm so it's really impractical for me to watch or to drive and drop her/collect her with the others. If she wanted to do it I'd probably try harder to make arrangements but she's adamant she doesn't want to. They've been told they have to come back for it unless there's a good reason - but aibu to say she can't come because of practicalities? They can't require it can they?

The only time I didn't take ds back for an evening performance was when he was in Reception. He was usually in bed by 6:00pm, performance when on until 8pm. I told them he wouldn't be able to make it, think there were a few eyebrows.

*went on

The following year, Reception didn't have an evening performance!

Email the school at 5pm on the Friday evening, saying that DD has just been sick everywhere so won't be able to come to the performance...

It's a tricky one, my DD has two evening performance's the year and she is only in Y2, she is going to both but I am only going to one of them she is going in with another mum in the other evening, because I have a younger DS who is 3 and couldn't cope with two late nights.
A few parents have said two evening shows are too much and are only taking their DC's for one of them and the school are fine that as long as you tell them.
If she really doesn't want to do it, I wouldn't make her just seems it will be more hassle than it's worth.

Email the school at 5pm on the Friday evening, saying that DD has just been sick everywhere so won't be able to come to the performance

Pretty sure no one will be looking at the emails at that time.

Haven't read the thread.
Last year I rang school to tell them that my 5 year old would not be coming for the evening performances and he needed to be in bed. I explained that a 7 start would not work for him as he goes to bed at 6.30.

They were a bit flummoxed but I put my child first. ( really who will miss a sheep)

orangetoffee, I've asked about the possibility of a crèche but it seems nobody else needs it plus the PTA woman said there was nobody to run it as only one of the PTA is a sahm.

They probably can't require it, but nothing I've read on this thread suggests that not attending it is anything other than selfishness.

Friends/relatives/babysitters/late night/dh leaving work early - one will be an option.

Dora Dunn- can you run it?

I definitely wouldn't take my children back to school for an evening performance. I value our down time in the evenings.

Children (and parents) get to choose what activities they take part in outside of the school day.

Yes YABU!! I'm a teacher and if you knew the blood, sweat and tears that went into these performances you'd understand. Do you think we like staying up until the early hours planning these? I can assure you now we don't. If we didn't put on these productions then parents would be complaining straight away yet we work so hard for them and parents make every excuse under the sun (and yes I've heard them all a thousand times) why their little cherubs can't attend. I have my own little cherubs that miss out on seeing me when it's this time of year due to rehearsals and performances. Not only is she letting the rest of the performers down she is letting herself down. YOU are letting them all down, daughter included if she doesn't go.

What a ridiculous lot of fuss some schools/teachers/parents make about Christmas performances. Poor kids.

Some of the attitudes on here of 'my child is the only one that matters' are utterly awful.

Yes, my child is the only one that matters to me in a primary school play evening performance It's hardly life or death, is it?

If schools want children to participate in activities outside school hours, then they need to consult with parents first. Not up to school to decide they can dictate how my evening is spent, they have 6 hours a day to make decisions about my child.

So many of "those" parents on this thread. Very sad. Poor teachers.

Of course they can't make her. Just say she won't be attending. You are her parent not them and you get to decide what works for you, your child and your family.

I attended every school event going to watch my child stand on the edge of a stage for 30 secs and on a couple of occasions say one word or line. While having to watch the same children have the "big parts" year after year. The school won't feel as if they owe you anything in this regard (i.e. To give your child a decent role so that you actually have something to come and see), the other parents won't care as they have come to see their child, your child doesn't want to go. It's a no brainer.

Ps I am definitely not bitter or anything

tankerdale YANBU.

Patta - as you like, but it's selfish.

treacle "Not only is she letting the rest of the performers down she is letting herself down. YOU are letting them all down, daughter included if she doesn't go."

very harsh, I hope you do not pass this sentiment on to yuor own students.

If teaching and preparing for these events is so hard maybe unions should campaign for the burden to be less on teachers.

Does a Year 5 and 6 performance really need a choir for Year 4, do children who hate being in this type of thing really need to be forced into it? I think not.

I am grateful I got to see my own very shy child being a star or a tree or whatever in various productions, but I doubt she got much out of it.

It's with attitudes like Pattakiller that really do make it difficult for the parents that do appreciate what teachers do. So when I don't spend at least half of my time off at Christmas planning for the upcoming term and your child can't access learning I assume your not going to complain are you? I mean my children are the only thing that matter to me during my down time not the 34 I have in my class at school. I won't take any marking home to spend the evening working. How does that sound?

Remember most of us appreciate you treacle, we really do, but I know the odd few can get you down.

Italiangreyhound, yes it's passed in to students, they all know that if they have no intention of coming then they don't participate in rehearsals and spend time doing other lessons. They are all told this as it's not fair that the rest of the class carry the can for them. Parents support us in this also. What do you actually think the Unions are doing? Yes campaigning to lessen our workload.

thank you arethereanyleftatall

I await the thread in a couple years

"school won't let my dd have a major part in the school play as she didn't turn up for the evening shows in yrs 3 and 4, Are they BU?"