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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
shinynewusername · 04/12/2016 19:05

Yes she does . I simply expected her to have had better hygiene . I know plenty of people who manage not to passed them onto their DDs when they've had them

Rubbish. You have no idea how many people have passed the virus on . Probably most of them have - it is highly infectious and at least 70% of the population carries it. Just because some of your friends' DC haven't had symptoms doesn't mean they are not infected.

If you were that bothered, you should have told the nanny to take sick leave every time she has a cold sore. The the only way to prevent transmission is to have not contact at all with a symptomatic person. Blaming the nanny now is as unfair as complaining if your DD caught a cold from her.

almondpudding · 04/12/2016 19:06

Yes, GardenGeek.

There's nothing the OP can do about it now, and she doesn't know it was the nanny.

But I think it is important people understand the risks to non carriers and don't just have a cavalier attitude to the whole thing, and misinform others. That applies particularly on MN as the younger someone is, the less likely they are to have contracted type 1 yet.

Iwannabelikecommonpeople · 04/12/2016 19:07
Confused
sidsgranny · 04/12/2016 19:10

Really?? This could have been picked up from anywhere. If you're that bloody worried, ditch the nanny and look after your own children!

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 04/12/2016 19:15

Sidsgranny that's such a dickish and offensive thing to say.

Whilst it's technically true she could've picked it up from
Anywhere the chances of OPs DC picking it up from a trolley on the same day her nanny had one aren't exactly high are they? Hmm

By the way the herpes virus only lives about 10 seconds outside the body. So an infected person rubs their mouth against the trolley and you leap behind them and immediately rubs yours all
Over the trolley... Well maybe. But some posters are being ridiculous

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/12/2016 19:18

From the NHS website:

"It's not possible to prevent infection with the herpes simplex virus or prevent outbreaks of cold sores"

"there's no need to stay away from work or miss school if you or your child have a cold sore".

Frusso · 04/12/2016 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheets · 04/12/2016 19:20

yes I also hate misinformation so lets be clear

it is herpes

there are TWO distinct types - 1 and 2

type 1 lives MAINLY on the lips and likes warm wet places - it can also live in the nose and the eye and the genitals. it is NOT mainly transmitted via sex so is NOT classed as an STD

People with an active cold sore should not have oral sex

Type two lives on the genitals as is mainly contracted via SEX so is classed as an STD

Type one - even if on the genitals is NOT classed as an std as that is not it's primary route of transmission

people with cold sores should take care

people with cold sores do not have an STD on the lips!

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/12/2016 19:21

Back to your original post, OP. What can you do? You wouldn't be thinking of sacking her would you? (I'm sure you're not but just wanted to ask).

HyacinthFuckit · 04/12/2016 19:21

You don't even know if the nanny is the one who passed it on, so the answer to your question is that, in the absence of any proof at all, you should do nothing.

Adsss · 04/12/2016 19:27

My baby had multi organ failure from the cold sore, virus I can name the people he had been in contact with, I've never knowingly had a cold sore, in fact the chances are if i had he would have had my immunity. However being around cold sores the chance are I am a carrier as are the majority so again he should not have reacted as he did. Therefore even having been the unlucky ones with this virus I still would not lay blame at your nanny, the full blame lies on the virus.

spidey66 · 04/12/2016 19:27

My husband's had cold sores since before we met. 20 years down the line and I've never had one.We don't have kids so can't speak about that. We just use common sense ie no snogs or sex while they're active. He gets one about every 2-3 years. To me it's no worse than a cold every couple of years (in normally healthy people of course.)

I'm sorry about your daughter but think you're being unfair on your nanny. It's not like she did it on purpose (if indeed it was her.) You make it sound like you told her 'don't give my child any sweets' and came home to find loads of empty Haribo packets and a child on a sugar rush.

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 04/12/2016 19:35

Id be shocked and pretty upset too OP. If she's from a reputable agency she should know and adhere to proper hygiene regimes. Outwith the cold sore I assume she prepares or at least handles food she then serves to your DD? How is her basic hygiene otherwise? Maybe you need to speak to her about the importance of hand washing etc. Too late for the cold sore but food poisoning could be next?

SparklyMagpie · 04/12/2016 19:37

I've never had a cold sore but I do think yabu! You can't just blame it on the nanny for poor hygiene!

Hmm
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/12/2016 19:38

I think it can only be passed by direct contact.

Trifleorbust · 04/12/2016 19:41

FourKidsNotCrazyYet: It is very unreasonable to assume the nanny has poor hygiene.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/12/2016 19:43

You can't pass on child sores from handling food, that's not direct contact.

AteRiri · 04/12/2016 19:43

almondpudding: I'm not saying you are emoting but I think that is the only reason to harp on saying "She gave the child an STD" - it's hardly relevant.

Yeah, STD = Sexually Transmitted Disease.

Cold sore is Herpes Simplex Virus 1.

haveacupoftea · 04/12/2016 19:45

What did you expect when the nanny turned up with a contagious virus?!?! Get a fucking grip!

shinynewusername · 04/12/2016 19:46

I think it can only be passed by direct contact

It is usually spread by direct contact. It can in theory be spread by sharing cups etc, but that's rare as the virus dies very quickly once off the body.

However the important thing for the OP and all the other pearl-clutchers on this thread to realise is that you can be infectious before the blisters appear. So there is a good chance that - even if the nanny did pass it on - she did so before the cold sore appeared.

The only way to prevent spread would be for the nanny to take sick leave everytime she felt a pre-cold sore tingle until the sore had gone and even that wouldn't guarantee that she didn't spread it.

Hayles88 · 04/12/2016 19:46

And the award for unintelligent dick of the day goes is won by FourKids

BitOutOfPractice · 04/12/2016 19:48

It never ceases to amaze me just how much misinformation and nasty scaremongering about herpes goes on on MN. It's really shocking TBH

NiceFalafels · 04/12/2016 19:53

I don't think you can 100% pin it on your nanny. 7 out of 10 people carry the virus but only 5 out of 10 have symptoms.

poisonedbypen · 04/12/2016 20:00

Whoever said that they had shingles from herpes, that's just not possible. Shingles comes about as a reactivation of the chicken pox virus. Which also happens to be a virus from the herpes family, but it does not cause cold sores.
FWIW I never knowingly had a cold sore until I was 50. It was very painful and I must have been infected before, because I felt it coming down the trigeminal nerve, but it had never resulted in a cold sore.

bevelino · 04/12/2016 20:08

OP try not to get bent out of shape over this as it was not deliberate and your dc will be ok.