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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
TaggieRR · 16/12/2016 21:45

She obviously feels on the back foot and doesn't know what to say. Glad you've wrong footed her!!

Blink1982 · 16/12/2016 23:09

U were such good friends though. I REALLY think there was a mix up n praps she just thought you were bad for not accepting the invite that you didn't get

CherryCokeFairy · 16/12/2016 23:23

Things are really awkward already.... would things really be any worse if you just asked why she has treated you so badly? Personally I'd be tempted to get drunk at the work do and use that as an excuse to flat out ask her x

Congrats on the remission! :D

CaraAspen · 17/12/2016 00:15

Nope. The OP should continue to do what she is doing. The nasty colleague is too dense to work it out.

Jugglingallthebollocks · 17/12/2016 03:38

I honestly couldn't not ask, there is so much room for miscommunication in this situation. A text with ' I'm sorry but I have to ask, was there a reason I wasn't invited to your wedding as it was very hurtful as I considered you a friend' can surely not make the outcome any worse than it currently is? It's a very odd situation.

CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 17/12/2016 09:19

Someone must have told her that she's getting the cold shoulder because you weren't invited.

I'd be gutted too, something similar happened to me a few years ago on a smaller more personal scale and it really hurt. It didn't help that my self esteem was in tatters at the time after having a very little and very poorly baby.

I wouldn't be able to be friendly with Married again to be honest.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/12/2016 09:24

I think she must have asked somebody and they told her, she is trying to get friendly with you. God she sounds awful op and I think your seeing a different side of her, since this.

pictish · 17/12/2016 09:54

Honestly I think this is getting silly now. Stop egging her on people.

In five years time the OP will look back at this and remember the time she got her knockers in a right knot over not being invited to a colleague's wedding and roll her eyes at herself.

If you lot have your way, she'll look back on it and cringe.

randomeragain · 17/12/2016 09:57

how about acting like a real grown up adult and saying " Hey Sue, have I offended you in some way because I was disappointed not to get an invite to your wedding"

CondensedMilkSarnies · 17/12/2016 10:06

I wouldn't ask . Rise above it all, don't let it descend into a playground spat . For whatever reason you weren't invited , honestly , in the scheme of things it's so not important , really it isn't . This will all fade eventually . Op , try not to care , put it into perspective and carry on as normal. Don't give her the cold shoulder , keep your integrity and dignity by accepting that it's a teeny tiny blip of which there will be many I'm sure in your lifetime Smile

Aeroflotgirl · 17/12/2016 10:21

Just be professional and polite, don't be friends with her outside or interacting with her outside work. Keep her within work and that's it.

DeeNR · 17/12/2016 14:59

What randomeragain said

user1471439727 · 17/12/2016 15:31

I feel like this has descended into playground spat territory. You can be cold without being petty.

misshelena · 17/12/2016 16:46

"Honestly I think this is getting silly now."
"I feel like this has descended into playground spat territory. You can be cold without being petty."
"how about acting like a real grown up adult"

I see some pp are trying to make themselves sound magnanimously forgiving. I doubt that if the same thing were to happen to you, you'd be calling yourself "silly", "un-adult-like" and "petty" for doing what OP did, namely, telling coworker to move on if she doesn't like the conversation the group was having.

OP- after what she had done, you are entitled to be short with her-- at the very least. Ask or don't ask. You are under no obligation to satisfy the curiosity of MN. Personally I wouldn't ask, just because I am sure she'll take the opportunity to further hurt you by telling you all the ways you've been shitty. Who needs that on top of the humiliating exclusion she's already bestowed on you.

user1471439727 · 17/12/2016 17:36

misshelena

Where did I say I would be magnanimously forgiving? What the woman did was terrible, and of course doing something like that would affect any friendship. I wouldn't be able to forgive and I'm not saying the OP should.

I know fine well what it feels like to be left out of things, thank you very much. I know that the OP will be massively upset, and probably feels/felt like bursting into tears.

Having said that, I think it would have been better to rise above it. Not to be overly friendly, but remain civil. Make it look like she just doesn't care. People will quickly forget how this started and it'll descend into generic office bitchiness.

OP isn't in the wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of, especially if she remains the bigger person, and continues to be professional and polite. It'll be hard, but she'll be respected for it.

The colleague sounds like an arsehole.

DeeNR · 17/12/2016 17:57

I'm not trying to make myself look magnanimously unforgiving either. Admit to being curious though and OP did start the thread so must have wanted to have opinions from other people. I still think communication is best.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/12/2016 18:15

Wonder how the Christmas party went.

randomeragain · 17/12/2016 18:17

my comment may sound sarcastic.....sorry not intended

pictish · 17/12/2016 18:31

I'm not trying to be magnanimously forgiving either...but I am suggesting the OP not make a fool of herself over not being invited to a colleague's wedding by sniping at the colleague for unrelated, petty reasons as she describes earlier, by way of protest and encouraged by you lot.

CondensedMilkSarnies · 17/12/2016 18:43

I agree Pictish. Also, as the reason for not inviting the Op is unknown, no one knows for sure that the Bride actually dislikes her.

Magnanimously forgiving ? Maybe , I personally couldn't be arsed with it all. It's a cliche but life really is too short for all this angst , in my opinion .

kiwimumof2boys · 18/12/2016 04:53

Congrats on being in remission - how did the Xmas party go?

Original poster
Pritchyx · 18/12/2016 09:03

Morning all... last night was the party... was total carnage from our dealership. Poor hotel residents and staff. We're nightmares.
Was a really good night. Bar spending majority of the night between the party downstairs and the parties everyone was having in the rooms. Security called twice I think. Someone had set loads of extinguishers off. My friend who I was sharing with disappeared from 3am til 8am when she let herself back in the room and woke me up from a shitty 2 hour sleep. Glass smashed everywhere as were all not to be trusted with anything glass when drinking Grin. Oh and someone's drawn loads of penis's on my car in the condensation. Fab.
Colleague in question DID go in the end. Was friendly and polite towards her as obviously drunk and in front of 60 odd staff and numerous other companies. We was talking about work etc and how I'd managed to salvage something we needed for next week, and she actually said to me "you know what, you're good at your job and you're a really good friend to me. I'm glad I work with two good friends there considering we moved up here knowing absolutely no-one a year and half ago."
I just said thanks and gave her a hug and then went to find the bar.. haven't seen her since the conversation as I was here, there and everywhere!
No mention of the wedding. Not gonna bother mentioning it either as it's just gonna be pointless now. But still feels like a snub.

I now need to work out how the hell I am going to be able to drive home with a horrific hangover. 2 hours interrupted sleep. Im definitely sober now but so tired and head hurts!

OP posts:
nick247 · 18/12/2016 09:29

You are a really good friend to me! How does she treat her enemies?

SarfEast1cated · 18/12/2016 09:52

Well done OP, move on now and forget about it. No point dwelling on it.

Libitina · 18/12/2016 09:59

I think it's now got to the point where you either just ask her outright or just forget about it and move on. Life is too short to hold grudges.

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