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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
justpeachy74 · 09/12/2016 10:26

That does seem like an odd thing to do. I'd certainly treat the friendship accordingly from now on. i.e. polite and professional as a pp has put.
Flowers for you OP.

DeeNR · 09/12/2016 12:59

I would ask her. The people asking why you weren't there may have been trying to find out for her. For me it would be better to risk being hurt some more than to let the friendship go cold over a misunderstanding.

misshelena · 09/12/2016 14:06

This is SO crazy mean! Sorry this happened OP. Zero chance that the invite got "lost in the mail". She had plenty of chances to ask, not to mention brides chase down rsvps for such once-in-a-lifetime event.

Since she saw fit to so cruelly exclude you, you are free to behave as if she is still single. Hey, you were not invited, so you don't know about her wedding!
When she comes back, ask her a mundane question about work -- as far as you are concerned her wedding and honeymoon never happened. If she says she doesn't know the answer to your work question because she's been away on honeymoon, say "oh my! I forgot! Sorry..." And if you feel like annoying her more, invite her out to single girl stuff (clubs, etc). And again, should she mention her married woman status, you just apologize for never being able to remember that she is married!

Original poster
Pritchyx · 11/12/2016 20:45

Sorry to all about me being an ignorant shitbag... I broke my phone and forgot my log in details Envy

Anyway.... didn't bother to text her. Blanked the last text she sent saying thank you... also, haven't got her number in this phone now so I can always drop "who's this?" if she texts me upon her return to the UK.. she's back to work Weds.

Was brutally honest with everyone who asked why I didn't go. Simply said "wasn't invited"... lots of confused and shocked looks from colleagues. Nobody has mentioned wedding since. Just praying she still says she's not coming the xmas party on the weekend as I don't want to be socialising with someone who excluded me so blatantly. will also be very happy and wine drunk and she may ruin the mood for me!!

A few people are asking if the invite got lost... all invites for work colleagues were proper card invites and handed out personally. I sit on the next desk to her and didn't receive one.
I see it pointless in even asking now and will just be blunt, short and professional when she returns. Likely she'll be all nicey nice and try to get all the gossip. Hmm

OP posts:
EZA15 · 11/12/2016 21:16

It'll probably be likely that she will be asked on her return why she didn't invite you anyway, so fingers crossed you find out that way at least

Amandahugandkisses · 11/12/2016 21:21

What a nasty thing to do

Rachel0Greep · 11/12/2016 21:32

I'd say, stick with being professional and cool, not necessarily short iykwim.
Look politely blank at any mention of the wedding.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2016 22:25

I think you have the support of your colleagues, who will probably grill ask her why you were not invited. Be cool and prifessional to her, that's all she deserves. She humiliated you by being the only one she did not invite.

JustSpeakSense · 11/12/2016 22:46

I think perhaps you think that you are her are better friends than she does, I would act completely professional and polite with her at work, but would completely ignore any non-work related texts or requests.

Also don't involve any work colleagues in this. You really don't seem to have done anything wrong, whatever has happened it's all on her, you don't need to waste any more energy on her.

Sorry your feelings have been hurt.

RubyRoseViolet · 11/12/2016 23:14

I feel for you op. This happened to my wife a few years ago. She was the only one not invited from her team to the wedding of a man she thought was her good friend. He and his wife had previously attended our wedding. She felt incredibly hurt by it. Nothing was said, she didn't want to broach it. Suffice to say their "friendship" has never recovered. I hope she's not too annoying when she gets back.

hollyisalovelyname · 12/12/2016 07:34

OP ultimately she has lost out hugely.
You can go to many weddings but a good, reliable friend is a precious thing.
She has lost one.
Keep your head up.
Your colleagues will find out the why.

2ndSopranos · 12/12/2016 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 08:22

Op you don't need to do anything, I think I will leave it up to your colleagues, they will probably be quizzing her. Just act distant and professional around her. Either you have upset or offended as to why you were the only one not invited to her wedding, or really she is a massive bitch. It takes some level of nastiness to pull that off, I personally could never do that, I would feel so bad and it would eat me up, espcially if I was very friendly with that person, and was talking about the wedding to her. But it does not sound like she has much morals.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 08:25

2ndsopranos that is awful, that is not a company I would continue with. Are you looking at other jobs to leave the company. Some people are just vile, they are toxic in themselves, and behave in a toxic manner.

Chickenagain · 12/12/2016 08:44

She has been very spiteful, there must be some reason in her head.... has she ever done anything similar, that you may not have noticed at the time? It does look as if she is trying to alienate you.
I would not reply to this text, but if she 'probes' the way the land lies with another, I would respond minimally

I agree you should ask her why you were excluded,but leave it a couple of days after she gets back - don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you were hurt. Bring it up when a natural opportunity arises. And please don't cover her sorry arse for anything ever again!!

Chickenagain · 12/12/2016 08:46

2ndSopranos Awful Flowers

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 09:12

I just wouldn't say anything to her, unless she asked outright what's the matter. I doybt that would happen unless she's really thick, she will know why.

2ndSopranos · 12/12/2016 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedNoseRumble · 12/12/2016 09:47

There's nothing worse than being left out, especially if everyone else has been invited. It's so much like the whole class party thing isn't it, just awful to leave one or even two people out. What makes it even worse is this is work, where you spend a large part of your life. There's no getting away from it.
It must hurt, especially as you thought you were good friends.

I have a couple of neighbours who I thought were good friends. I've done favours etc for them regarding running the dc around. They have recently started to go out socially together, no invite my way. I feel incredibly hurt by it tbh, I feel incredibly silly feeling so hurt but that's me. I like them both and the thought of organising something where one of them wasn't invited just wouldn't even enter my head.
I've just got to dust myself off but taking a step back from investing more of myself in the friendships I thought I had. It hurts.

I hope you can work through this OP Flowers

WhatsGoingOnEh · 12/12/2016 11:20

OP, you have all my sympathy. Completely understand why you're hurt by this.

I think it's either a misunderstanding OR that the groom accidentally called out your name once, during the throes of passion, and she's terrified that he's madly in love with you. :)

I wouldn't ask her why you weren't invited!! I just don't see why anyone would do that. She isn't obliged to invite anyone. It's sort of none of your business why they didn't ask you along. So I would just make up a reason that made me feel AMAZING (like the groom bring nuts about me example), and carry on. I'd probably not text her out of work any more.

I guess the only reason why I would ask her, is to check I hadn't accidentally upset her/annoyed her at some point. But that's about it.

Poor thing. Still, at least you didn't have to shell out ££££ on a new dress and presents.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2016 07:55

It is not ok to invite who you want, if you invite all of work and leave one out. I would only tell her, if she asks you what they matter is. Then yes most definitely would.

knorrig · 13/12/2016 19:56

Good luck for tomorrow OP when you have to see her again!

hollyisalovelyname · 13/12/2016 20:18

OP is the bich back tomorrow.
*Be civil but not friendly.
How bl**ody dare she

ParisGellar · 13/12/2016 21:34

Best of luck tomorrow op.

AnthonyPandy · 13/12/2016 21:40

Not tomorrow, I think it's Thursday she's back.

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