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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2016 09:34

Your reap what you sow, and that is happening to her!

DeeNR · 16/12/2016 10:13

Maybe her mum wasn't invited!

Original poster
Pritchyx · 16/12/2016 10:18

aero no she isn't my manager. We are equals on the desk, nobody is above anyone in pay nor responsibilities.
I will just go and take a late lunch irregardless, I have to eat! Our line manager is our dealer principle (branch manager to those outside of the trade) but he's on annual leave! His PA is in and she sucks up my colleagues arse so no doubt colleague is on a power trip...

I'm in one of those moods, full on resting bitch face, grumpy as I'm tired and having to plaster on the whole "HI HOW CAN I HELP YOU??? GrinGrinGrin" bullshit Hmm

OP posts:
awayinamazda · 16/12/2016 10:19

Agree about the hospital appt, ur allowed those, it's not ok to say that's ur lunch hour! Does she have authority to decide anyway? I'd tell her politely that it's not convenient as u can't eat ur lunch while with the consultant (!) and being at a hospital isn't a break. say ur just letting her know that you'll take ur break before/ after (I.e., not asking her, telling her!).

awayinamazda · 16/12/2016 10:20

Sorry, cross post!

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2016 10:26

I don't blame you pritchy, i think she has taken it upon herself to be a manager, silly moo. I think now this has all come about, you are seeing her for who she really is, in a different light now. If she corners you and asks you what's wrong, I would tell her! You need to be this to bed, and have a closure, and in a way it would be good if she asked you if anything is wrong, or you will be constantly seething and resentful.

CindyCrawford2 · 16/12/2016 10:36

Deliberately (we assume) inviting everyone at work to her wedding except you and then insisting you can't have time off for a hospital appointment the day she comes back to work - there is something seriously unprofessional going on here, surely this is a type of victimisation/bullying at work? She is being totally unprofessional and can't be allowed to get away with it. No-one can be forced to invite you to their wedding but by asking everyone else in the department, apart from you, she has deliberately singled you out and made you feel uncomfortable in your working environment. You must go above her, to HR/Personnel or her manager and someone needs to find out why she is treating you like this and put a stop to it. I know her wedding was outside of working hours, but surely the fact that something she has done outside work is impacting on the atmosphere in work, cannot be ignored - she even gave invitations out at the workplace, during working hours so you have a right to involve management as this is something that has been happening at work.

CindyCrawford2 · 16/12/2016 10:46

Sorry, just read that she is NOT your manager. I would just ask her outright why she did not invite you and only you to her wedding - did she not think that that would make things awkward for you in the workplace? The only person she has made a fool of and shown up is herself. Then i would have nothing more to do with her, be civil at work but that's it and certainly avoid her at the Christmas "do".

Original poster
Pritchyx · 16/12/2016 11:06

dee no, mum was definitely invited. Apparently just didn't show!

OP posts:
JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 16/12/2016 11:29

you did the right thing telling all your other colleagues that you were not invited.
they all know now, and any one of them that is decent will realise that she's a total cunt for doing that to you.
don't waiver. she truly is arse cancer.

Rachel0Greep · 16/12/2016 11:29

See, I would be putting on a face here, as in super happy Wink so that she can't think she has got to me.

Albatross26 · 16/12/2016 11:38

I'd have to ask her, the suspense would be too much!

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 16/12/2016 12:57

Oh she's just a twat isn't she.

misshelena · 16/12/2016 14:01

So far so good, OP. Good job with the "normal but cool" attitude.
Please don't ask her or even tell her if she asks. She'll take that as an opportunity to tell you what a shitty bitch you've been, it's all your fault, and you are lucky that she still talks to you, etc. I am sure you have your faults and have made mistakes. But whatever mistakes you've made (none of which intended to sabotage her), her revenge on you is completely out of proportion. She has made it extremely and publicly clear that she does NOT appreciate you on any level. So please save yourself further humiliation by asking her.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2016 14:43

I disagree, if she asks I would say something. It is quite obvious, I think she is digging a big hole for herself. I think that if you don't say anything, it will just eat away at you.

nick247 · 16/12/2016 15:19

Have you exchanged Christmas Cards in your office yet, did she include you? I would definitely exclude her, a little petty and stooping to her level, but let her see what it is like to be left out.

ohgoodlordthatsmoist · 16/12/2016 15:39

Oh what a cow!
I would be tempted to just be very professional with her and if she asks just say I don't know what you mean!

And I'd not be doing any favours covering for her!

FruJustFru · 16/12/2016 16:58

Well, she was never going to tell you why she didn't invite you.

But take solace in the fact that her mum didn't turn up to the wedding. Unless something serious happened to the mum that day, I think it's possible that your colleague isn't quite as nice as you'd originally thought.

But it still sucks.

LucieLucie · 16/12/2016 17:28

Yanbu at all. What she has done is actually a form of workplace bullying.

It's great that you've been so dignified in how you dealt with the whole build up, wishing her well, helping decorate the car etc...that must have really annoyed her!

I can only think this exclusion comes down to nothing else but pure and utter jealousy.
By being so friendly out of work though and then inviting everyone else including people she's told you she doesn't like was actually screaming out to be confronted.

She will notice your shift in attitude towards her now and will no doubt challenge you on it and make out you are being unreasonable towards her.

I do think someone at work should have questioned her on her behaviour because you just don't do that, it's rude, hurtful and extremely bad mannered. She has definately drawn her line in the sand.

Don't tell her anything personal and I'd watch your back at work. Flowers

Original poster
Pritchyx · 16/12/2016 19:29

Just thought I'd like to tell you what I did today...

Me and a few colleagues were talking about death... don't ask why. Colleague decided to join in the conversation then got all mardy about it and said it makes her anxious talking about it and asked if we could change conversation.. So I asked those in the conversation what they're having for tea tonight... but no, she was then saying we're morbid for talking about death. I quite rudely turned around and went "unfortunately, death is inevitable. If you don't want to participate then feel free to walk away from the conversation." I got a few sideways glances Blush

Oh and I had my hospital appointment today. (Bit of background, I have/had a very rare neurological disorder with symptoms the same as having a brain tumour, just without the mass.) My consultants in various departments have completely signed me off their books, I am in remission and no longer have to go for check ups!! She overheard me on the phone to my mum telling her when I walked in after hospital. She then said "that's great news, I bet you're so happy!" I just said thanks and I was.. then went and carried on about my day. Also got my hour lunch Grin

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2016 20:01

I am so pleased your in remission and everything is good. What a nosey cow. She is trying to get in with you again. Just be cool and professional with her. She knows what's she done. She is no idiot! The more you speak of her, the more stupid she sounds.

awayinamazda · 16/12/2016 20:16

Maybe drop a few hints that her mum and u could have been out together that day and it was SUCH a great day, without being specific?... . But deny u meant that at all and change the subject if she asks if that's what u said ;-D

dangerrabbit · 16/12/2016 21:23

Good for you OP for rising above it. She shoulda like she did it deliberately and she sounds like a right bitch.

dangerrabbit · 16/12/2016 21:24

Also congratulations for being in remission Flowers

CaraAspen · 16/12/2016 21:30

Good news about your health. Think you handled that interruption to your conversation really well.

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