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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being AIBU to think my neighbour was rude to ask this?

225 replies

PO25 · 03/12/2016 15:43

I am guessing this might draw very polarising views but I just wanted to get your honest thoughts.

My neighbour just told my husband that our cooking is affecting them and to tone it down.

We are Malaysians so we do cook Malaysian food - where we do fry onions etc. We do a mix of western/asian etc in our meals every week. And we don't cook asian everyday - just no time!

We are professionals and live in a nice neighbourhood. Though this neighbour has been rude/unfriendly with us since we broached the subject of doing a basement three years ago. our house is small, so the proximity of my kitchen to my neighbours is close.

While we didn't go ahead with the basement, the relationship with our neighbour was cold since then.

I have two kids and live a busy life - so its not like I am spending all day in the kitchen.

I am really annoyed that there is a lack of tolerance. I grew up in Malaysia, where we respected and celebrated our cultural differences, especially with food!

I feel my neighbour is not being tolerant and rude. Maybe I am overreacting, but telling me not to cook something, is like telling me you can't be who you are. AIBU?

My question is how would you deal with this? If something was troubling you, and it could potentially be sensitive, how would you have broached this?

OP posts:

Kika2901 · 04/12/2016 20:46

They sound like arses and just intolerant of other people, probably nothing to do with where you are from and what you are cooking. For them to be able to smell what you are cooking they must surely have their windows or doors open so if it offends them that much why don't they just shut them! Sounds like they have simple boring lives so are picking on you to fill their time. Idiots. Ignore them!

Kika2901 · 04/12/2016 20:49

And agree labelling them racists is massively jumping to conclusions!

genna1310 · 04/12/2016 20:51

Id offer them some next time you cook lol
Had few issues with women in my street will blow over x

Daydream007 · 04/12/2016 20:53

Ignore them and cook what you like. They are being ridiculous. I'd be delighted if you were my neighbour, I'd invite you around to show me how to cook Malaysian food!

JackLottiesMum · 04/12/2016 21:00

I think you should ignore them too. But if you are feeling uncomfortable you could consider investing in an air purifier. I have a large radic8 (bought from healthy house) in my kitchen and it can clear the air almost immediately. I highly recommend them!

MoodyOne · 04/12/2016 21:08

It's up to you what you cook in your own house! You can live next to me and I'll come round for food

thecatsarecrazy · 04/12/2016 21:20

I used to live in a flat where the downstairs neighbours would regularly cook fish. It turned my stomach and I was pregnant and having sickness at the time but I wouldn't dream of saying anything.

Pikawhoo · 04/12/2016 21:34

If they want to get away from cooking smells, they really need to move somewhere with more space and a detached house. Who knows if it's racist, but it's definitely unreasonable.

SenoritaViva · 04/12/2016 21:40

Sometimes I find myself embarrassed to be from the UK.

SenoritaViva · 04/12/2016 21:40

Sometimes I find myself embarrassed to be from the UK.

BratFarrarsPony · 04/12/2016 21:42

why do you not think that unpleasant idiots exist in other countries?
I can assure you they do.

lljkk · 04/12/2016 21:44

One of my pregnancies I couldn't stand the smells of garlic or basmati rice. And I was very pukey anyway, even eating ketchup made me puke (has garlic in it)..
We lived in a very Bangladeshi area, behind 2 "Indian" restaurants. Lots of Asian SAHMS cooking for big families, every day.
So... I closed the windows. YANBU.

PSG1968 · 04/12/2016 21:46

I love to cook all kinds of foods and do cook with a lot of onions and garlic etc so would be a bit peeved if my neighbours complained
can you get an extractor?

TheElementsSong · 04/12/2016 22:08

Fry a big portion of belacan and they'll never complain about the smell of onions again

limitedperiodonly · 04/12/2016 23:29

Sometimes I find myself embarrassed to be from the UK.

Oh FFS.

Rowena4444 · 04/12/2016 23:31

None of their bloody business what you cook. Tell them to F off!

vacati0n · 04/12/2016 23:47

My neighbour used to cook mince and onions all the time , I was pregnant and it made me feel ill , turned out their extractor fan had a crack in the seal and the smell was going in the cavity wall and up through my floorboards , might be something simple like that .

JunosRevenge · 05/12/2016 14:38

YANBU OP

It's your kitchen, your home. You can cook what you want to.

Policom123 · 05/12/2016 16:19

Cook something and send to them, a Indian friend did this she didn't spice up the food much , but made nice enough for them to enjoy! They never complain again!

limitedperiodonly · 05/12/2016 16:42

Cook something and send to them, a Indian friend did this she didn't spice up the food much , but made nice enough for them to enjoy! They never complain again!

Why bother?

Sybys · 05/12/2016 17:34

(Me) I lived with a Malaysian girl and an Indian girl for a year. They both cooked for me a lot. Best year ever.

limitedperiodonly That's nice. Did you do anything?

Actually no, I did very little. I am not a good cook and generally survived off microwave meals when left to my own devices. I initially protested the amount they did for me, offered to contribute financially, offered to do the dishes, but to no avail. They were insistent, so I was just very thankful.

Think I made an Xmas dinner and bought them takeaway a couple of times, but that's about it.

limitedperiodonly · 05/12/2016 17:56

That sounds like a good deal

Sybys · 05/12/2016 18:08

Yup it absolutely was. They were lovely, generous people and i was very fortunate. Such good food too! Wish I'd learned more from them.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/12/2016 18:23

"My neighbour just told my husband that our cooking is affecting them and to tone it down."
Honestly, I don't think they have a problem with cooking smells that may or may not be coming from your kitchen. It is just a convenient stick to beat you with. You say you're a bit fussy about neutralising smells yourself, if your neighbour knows this about you then it's a great stick because not only does she get to complain she also gets to imply that your efforts in neutralising are wasted. Result!

""Though this neighbour has been rude/unfriendly with us since we broached the subject of doing a basement three years ago. ... While we didn't go ahead with the basement, the relationship with our neighbour was cold since then.

My guess would be that your neighbours are NIMBYs, and the though of the upheaval had you gone ahead with your basement plans had sent them into a tailspin. And, having got their backs up about that, they are choosing to keep their backs firmly raised, hence looking real hard for something, anythin, to complain about.

I'd just ignore them. And not change anything about how you run your kitchen.

LadyFuchsiaGroan · 05/12/2016 18:35

Your kitchen cook what you want OP - but I will say in uni halls I lived with a few students from different countries but the Malaysian bloke we lived with in first year his cooking smelled awful, it was really pungent and the smell would travel to the bedrooms, however his cooking probably isn't representative of Malaysian cuisine

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