Am I being AIBU to think my neighbour was rude to ask this?

[PO25]

Hi

I am guessing this might draw very polarising views but I just wanted to get your honest thoughts.

My neighbour just told my husband that our cooking is affecting them and to tone it down.

We are Malaysians so we do cook Malaysian food - where we do fry onions etc. We do a mix of western/asian etc in our meals every week. And we don't cook asian everyday - just no time!

We are professionals and live in a nice neighbourhood. Though this neighbour has been rude/unfriendly with us since we broached the subject of doing a basement three years ago. our house is small, so the proximity of my kitchen to my neighbours is close.

While we didn't go ahead with the basement, the relationship with our neighbour was cold since then.

I have two kids and live a busy life - so its not like I am spending all day in the kitchen.

I am really annoyed that there is a lack of tolerance. I grew up in Malaysia, where we respected and celebrated our cultural differences, especially with food!

I feel my neighbour is not being tolerant and rude. Maybe I am overreacting, but telling me not to cook something, is like telling me you can't be who you are. AIBU?

My question is how would you deal with this? If something was troubling you, and it could potentially be sensitive, how would you have broached this?

I wouldn't do any of the above.

The smell of frying onions is completely normal. They are a basic foodstuff eaten the world over. They are not pungent unless you have a burger van - and I quite like the smell of those in their place.

There is no way I'd invite someone who complained about the smell of my cooking over for eat unless I was throwing the kind of dinner party that Hannibal Lecter specialised in.

The wife next door works quite long & randomly rostered hours but I can tell when she has a day off as from early morning my house smells like a restaurant! She 'batch cooks' several different things at once & fills the freezer. She'd fill mine too I'm sure, but I'm veggie & they're most definitely not! Shame really...

It takes a bit of 'airing' to get rid of the smell, but it's fine. It would probably get to me if it was everyday though.

The Chinese cooking smells from next door aren't too bad, until their oil gets old, then it's pretty revolting until they eventially change it.

Renovating the bathroom helped as I was able to seal up the holes that were left by lazy builders. I'm hoping I can do the same when I renovate the kitchen, then I need to do something about the ones in the loft...

They're a bunch of arseholes. I'm that they 'told' your husband to 'tone down' the cooking smells. Ignore them. If they say anything further, smile and say 'This again? Good heavens' and breeze off.

Those talking about the smell of frying onions as if it was weird/unusual, I second what limited says: 'The smell of frying onions is completely normal. They are a basic foodstuff eaten the world over.'

Just want to reiterate again - thanks again for all your supportive messages.

I feel better today - my cheeky husband fried fish this afternoon! hahaha.....

I have been busy neutralising the odours...hahaha....

For those of you who have indicated you would like to try malaysian food, or might be interested, Roti King in London (sorry I only know London) is authentic by Malaysian standards. hahah....so it gets the malaysian seal of approval.

They dont have a website only fb page, hope links are allowed www.facebook.com/rotikinglondon/

The cooks are malaysian......

only problem is its small, and you have to queue and wait to get in. We took a drive there yesterday evening to eat my misery away...haha only kidding...Just felt like eating authentic Malaysian and I didnt want to cook!

so here is a nasi goreng recipe

Note once you watched the video: you can substitute chilli paste with oyster sauce.likewise I don't use anchovies, since its not easy to get them here.

If you want it mild: use dark soy sauce, light soy sauce and oyster sauce and a bit of fish sauce. You can find all of these in any of the supermarkets.

For the veggies - I just pick anything. I have an abel and cole delivered each week, and so tend to use whatever that is delivered.

I like nasi goreng, only because it has the protein( meat), veggies, and carbs all in one place for my boys. Easy. No fussing. and I chop the veggies small so the boys don't complain.

Let me know if any of you try it.

Thanks again for your supportive and constructive comments.

Just playing devils advocate. If the cooking smells are strong they really may be making life unpleasant. Saying "learn to like them is somewhat bad". Perhaps you could look at ventilation options with scrubbers similar to those used by commercial bussiness. Of course you could ignore the request but howwould you feel if someone routinely filled your house with smells you didn't like?

Perhaps you could look at ventilation options with scrubbers similar to those used by commercial bussiness.

The OP doesn't run a commercial business. She cooks dinner for her family.

YABU (ish!) do you realise how unfair it is to have wonderful smells of cooking coming over from your neighbour and then to have to go indoors and eat something far less interesting - you need to invite them over so that they can share the joy of the lovely food! (or just totally ignore them as they are being silly!)

a lot of food uses spices and fried onions and lots of nice smelly things

maybe your just supposed to stick to like chicken nuggets and nothing that smells, do they not cook things?

i love food, i love food smells, i'd be inclined to just ignore them

If I was your neighbour, I suspect I would be consumed with envy as I smelled the delicious meals you were cooking. I suspect your lovely aromas get the gastric juices flowing. Maybe that's the problem.:-)

Your neighbour is an arsehole. I cook every day, I probably fry onions most days. I have never had anyone complain about my cooking smells. Ever.

I'd take them some food round and be like "If you like it, I'll give you the recipe"
Might change their tune once they've tried different food!

Kippers!

Hi engineersthumb - fair point. though I think if it was truly miserable they would have mentioned something early on? Not 6 years on? My neighbour is the type of person that will knock on your door and tell you off. He has done to others in the past noise etc...

So I was having a chat with my husband, and we concluded that what might have ticked her off, is my husband cooking a meal for two days in the morning this past week.

He was being helpful since I have been unwell, though maybe she wasnt partial to his cooking in the morning before work.

Anyway we will never know.

I am tempted to cook a nice meal for her - though I am unsure if she might view it rather dismissively and throw away a perfectly delicious meal.

anyway its not the end of the world, I have a plethora of recipe ideas to pick from but even cooking pasta and meatballs requires onions....unless I am the only soul that uses onions for pasta and meatballs.....hahahaha.

Wish you were my neighbour, I've got neighbours like that too
Xxx

Awesomeness
how would you ferl if it was a smell you didn't like? Such as home stills (which are legal). I think its rub along to get along.

It doesn't sound like your neighbour was rude and if there is a constant smell I can see why they would want a break for it.

I speak from experience unfortunately. We had some neighbours once who cooked in a particular style that involved a lot of onions. If we were outside we'd have to go back indoors once she started cooking and quickly bring the washing off the line. We'd be able to smell it as we walked up the street and if the washing had been on the line we'd have to rewash.

I would never have considered raising it with them as that is how they liked to cook - she was hardly going to change her cooking repertoire to suit us. However, the smell was one of the reasons we moved from a house that we had loved and for less than we bought it for.

Invite em round for a meal and spit in it !

Seriously they should get a life

Bbqs are the worst. The smoke carries for miles. Not moaning. We are the biggest culprits for it. You need to live and let live. So carry on cooking and ignore their gripes. They're probably eating something really boring and jealous of your yummy food.

PO25
Sorry missed your reply. It does sound as though your neighbours are being difficult. You certainly sound as though you are trying to be a good neighbour.

I'd be outside sniffing and hoping to get a recipe or two!

Silly sods - ignore them, what idiots they are.

The only question I would have for you if I were your neighbour would be, can I have some of that, please?! Especially if you cook beef rendang.

Is their something you can cook that really does not smell great while cooking? May be something preserved in something pungent or something really fishy? If so, cook that ASAP!

Oh, fuck them. Ignore. Even if you were cooking all day, it's your home. It's cooking, not staging illegal raves on a daily basis.

Almost every meal I make starts frying onions- shepherd's pie, Bolognese, chilli, curries..... I'm Irish. I can't believe people think frying onions is pungent or offensive

I think it is all down to the way you broach the subject with someone. Our neighbours moved in recently and, although I'm not yet sure where they come from originally, the cooking smells are a real problem. I always think that all different types of restaurant cooking smells are really nice, but this is a different level. The smells are repulsive for some reason and cooking often starts at about 5am and our house is filled with this pungent, horrible smell which is really off putting. I've not broached it with them as I'm not sure what they can do about it and I need to think how to broach it, but maybe the op needs to see it a bit from their point of view too.