Am I being AIBU to think my neighbour was rude to ask this?

[PO25]

Hi

I am guessing this might draw very polarising views but I just wanted to get your honest thoughts.

My neighbour just told my husband that our cooking is affecting them and to tone it down.

We are Malaysians so we do cook Malaysian food - where we do fry onions etc. We do a mix of western/asian etc in our meals every week. And we don't cook asian everyday - just no time!

We are professionals and live in a nice neighbourhood. Though this neighbour has been rude/unfriendly with us since we broached the subject of doing a basement three years ago. our house is small, so the proximity of my kitchen to my neighbours is close.

While we didn't go ahead with the basement, the relationship with our neighbour was cold since then.

I have two kids and live a busy life - so its not like I am spending all day in the kitchen.

I am really annoyed that there is a lack of tolerance. I grew up in Malaysia, where we respected and celebrated our cultural differences, especially with food!

I feel my neighbour is not being tolerant and rude. Maybe I am overreacting, but telling me not to cook something, is like telling me you can't be who you are. AIBU?

My question is how would you deal with this? If something was troubling you, and it could potentially be sensitive, how would you have broached this?

do you have an extractor hood? Something to neutralise the smells would be the answer
you do know that an extractor fan extracts and puts it outside, it doesn't neutralise!
OP, your neighbour sounds like an idiot. Living in close proximity too people means that you're going to hear/see/smell things from neighbours, it's just what happens. Don't let her get to you.

Mmmm.... fish head curry. You could always follow it up with durian for dessert 😈

100% ignore him and carry on. Absolutely bonkers for him to assume you would modify your normal eating habits to suit his delicate nose.

Ridiculous complaint from your neighbour.
Cook what you want in your own home.

hahaha yes I realised extractor does that. Was just answering a question.

Whats interesting, the husband has in the past couple of months, commented on what that wonderful cooking is. I cook a nice meal for the family over the weekend, so we all enjoy a nice family time.

I guess yes - both sides should be tolerant, if anyone has suggestions on neutralising odors please let me know!

What is hilarious in all this is I am always paranoid about smell, so am always finding ways to neutralise smells, and now I get this. My husband couldnt stop laughing at this, since he gets annoyed with my overbearing need to neutralise smell. Well I am glad he can see the humour in this, but I guess I will just need to get over it and move on.

We live in a ground floor flat. Our neighbour loves fried food, garlic and Indian takeaways. The corridor stinks all the time.

Your neighbours just sound weird, ignore them! We live in a flat and cook all sorts of cuisine, including Malaysian (so yum!). The only comments our neighbours have made is to say they're jealous of our dinners! If you're in a house surely it shouldn't even bother your neighbours at all what you cook (unless they only ever eat really bland tasteless food and can't stand the smell of anything else??). Maybe you should gift them a load of durians

Maybe try 'well we weren't going to mention it but the smell of your wife's facts is driving us demented'

I thought you were going to say you were in a block of flats
I'd ignore in this situation
I've been sort of in her position, in my previous tiny cramped block we had a guy ( English) whose favourite dish was what I called oignon a la oignon. There's two feet corridor between the flats I guess. I used to open the main door for air, though I had to stand there as its a rough area, then sprayed odour neutraliser. We'd go to the pub occasionally and one day he said "is that cooking really bothering you?"

I said, "uh, how am I supposed to reply? You do whatever you need to do, don't worry" - and he stopped, at least till he moved to a nice big house in a posh place, I presume he cooks it again there!

I do think people should be careful in tiny blocks of flats,in a house I think it can't be as bad?

*farts... stupid autocorrect

Ooh just thought
Do you use ghee? My folks aren't from the uk and used to cook with it, then I would cry because i couldn't bear the smell and they stopped. I was about 3 or 4 but still remember.

I can sympathise with your neighbours a little bit actually

The way my house is designed (it was once one big house, now two seperate houses), ds's bedroom is above my neighbours kitchen.

My neighbours are polish and 99% of the time we have no worries.

But at least once a week they cook something that absolutely reeks.

Heavy on the garlic and other strong food that makes ds's bedroom smell very potent. It lingers down the hall way too

BUT!! I would never dream of telling them they can't cook in their own kitchen. So we put up with it like the proper British stiff upper lip. Open windows where we can, and febreeze too.

Luckily the smell goes by the next morning. Till the next time they cook it though

Very rude of your neighbours! I thought ours were bad but after some of the things I read on here they sound completely reasonable and normal!

Cook whatever, whenever you like. Please don't feel paranoid about what you do/cook in your own home.

Or come and live next to me I love Malaysian cooking and would happily put up with any smells for a doggy bag

Admittedly i hate the smell of certain foods. I hate the smell of onions, garlic and frying meat. But we have our windows closed so those smells from neighbours don't tend to come into our house.

Yes, some people are super-sensitive to smells - but that is absolutely not your problem and YANBU to think your neighbour is rude. Just because they aren't keen on the sorts of things you cook, they've got no right to tell you you can't cook it. My mum is vegetarian and hates the smell of meat frying, but she'd never knock on her neighbour's door and ask them to stop cooking steak and chips!

When two kitchens are close to each other, you'll always be able to smell other people's cooking from time to time - you can probably smell your neighbours' dinner sometimes too, I expect. They just have to live with it. I can't imagine they'd be particularly thrilled if you went round and told them you didn't like the smell of whatever boring crap they eat...

@lorelei76 I dont use ghee. it is not part of my cooking.

I use olive oil. :)

Ah, so the wife doesn't like it and he does.
He's probably commenting on the nice aromas coming out of your place whilst eating something dull.

Your neighbour sounds difficult but equally the smell of some Asian cooking can really permeate the building.

I happen to enjoy the smell of most cooking but if I didn't it would be irritating

I was meaning where does your extractor vent? Could it be sending the smell directly into their house? Maybe there could be a better position for it.

We've had a couple of sets of neighbours whose cooking smells drift through. Sometime even to areas of our house that are no where near their kitchen, very strange. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking them to stop cooking/cook different stuff though .

If people really don't like stuff like this they need to buy properties away from people. If that's not your lot in life (to have the choice) it's a bit tuff tits

YANBU and neither are your neighbours. Unfortunately some cooking produces strong smells and some people are sensitive to those smells. But that's life. People who have near neighbours just have to suck it up. You have the right to cook whatever you want.

I do find it odd that you've been living close to each other for years and they've only mentioned it to you now that you aren't on good terms. If cooking smells bothered me, I would only dream of dropping a small hint to the neighbours IF they were very fond of me, i.e. if I thought they might care enough to be wiling to make the sacrifice of altering their cooking to make me happier.

Malaysian food doesn't smell that much does it?

If I were your neighbours I'd be inviting myself to dinner...
I can't even make nasi lemak taste right
Buy them a durian for Christmas.

Are you sure it is the smell?

Do you share drains? When we had asian tenants the drains were blocked all time, affecting the neighgbours as their toilets on the groundfloor started backing up. Dynorod said it was all the cooking oil that coagulated in the drains making massive melon sized balls of food, stiff grease and hair.

It was just a thought.

On the smell side, a friend of mine was commenting how her bathroom always smelt like a take away because of her neighbours cooking. There was something about the extractor fan leaking so the smells penetrated the brickwork and permeating her bathroom. The neighbour refused to get his extractor fan fixed. She was miffed as she wanted her bathroom to be her sanctuary. Are you sure your extractor is ok?

Otherwise, they might just be judgemental twonks.

I don't think YABU however my downstairs neighbours cook very strong spicy food and it comes up through the floorboards. I can also smell it when I open built-in cupboard doors and the smell is suddenly released.