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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being AIBU to think my neighbour was rude to ask this?

225 replies

PO25 · 03/12/2016 15:43

Hi

I am guessing this might draw very polarising views but I just wanted to get your honest thoughts.

My neighbour just told my husband that our cooking is affecting them and to tone it down.

We are Malaysians so we do cook Malaysian food - where we do fry onions etc. We do a mix of western/asian etc in our meals every week. And we don't cook asian everyday - just no time!

We are professionals and live in a nice neighbourhood. Though this neighbour has been rude/unfriendly with us since we broached the subject of doing a basement three years ago. our house is small, so the proximity of my kitchen to my neighbours is close.

While we didn't go ahead with the basement, the relationship with our neighbour was cold since then.

I have two kids and live a busy life - so its not like I am spending all day in the kitchen.

I am really annoyed that there is a lack of tolerance. I grew up in Malaysia, where we respected and celebrated our cultural differences, especially with food!

I feel my neighbour is not being tolerant and rude. Maybe I am overreacting, but telling me not to cook something, is like telling me you can't be who you are. AIBU?

My question is how would you deal with this? If something was troubling you, and it could potentially be sensitive, how would you have broached this?

OP posts:
Janey50 · 03/12/2016 18:05

Not speaking from personal experience,but s neighbour of ours had an issue with this about 5 years ago. Rightly or wrongly,she had put a notice on the wall of the communal hallway in our block of flats,requesting that whoever it was who was walking lumps of mud into the hallway and stairs practically every day to kindly clear it up after themselves. The next day,the 'offender' had put their own notice up requesting that 'whoever it was who cooked spicy,smelly food every day,to tone it down'. My neighbour was a bit upset at this. She's Asian and cooks curries and spicy food several days a week,and IMO,it smells bloody lovely. I told her not to worry too much,as I didn't think that they would have much weight behind their complaint regarding cooking smells. She ignored it and never heard another word about it. Thankfully,'mud-walker' moved not long after.

Baylisiana · 03/12/2016 18:09

In your case you sound reasonable and they sound very rude....who throws a parcel over a fence? Very anti social behaviour.

In principle though I disagree that a person can cook what they want and damn the consequences. It is like any other nuisance, noise, other smells etc. so you can only do what you want in your own home up to a point before you become an official cause of nuisance. Not you OP, one!

limitedperiodonly · 03/12/2016 18:12

People who put up notes in communal areas are as bad as mud walkers and curry cookers. But unless we can afford to live on a private island, we have to endure them all

Catinthecorner · 03/12/2016 18:25

Now we've decided you can continue to cook can anyone share some Malaysian recipes please?

exLtEveDallas · 03/12/2016 18:37

When I was in Bosnia the girls tent was next to the Malaysian Officers tent. The rarely ate in the Mess, preferring to cook their own food most nights. 3 of us put on weight that tour because we were having 2 dinners most nights Blush (they worked shifts and would cook their meals at about 11pm, it was difficult to resist when they came knocking on the tent door with plates of fried banana).

God, that's a powerful memory. OP if you lived next door to me I think I'd piss you off quite quickly with my drooling. Your neighbour is a fool.

Namechangeemergency · 03/12/2016 18:44

Its just one of those things you have to deal with when you live near other people.
My neighbours cook Indian food. Sometimes I find it a bit ..not annoying..I can't think of the word...like when they are cooking early for some reason and I can't face that sort of smell in the morning...
but its still just one of those things.

And I really don't like my neighbours. They are awful. But even I can't get angry about them cooking Confused

your NDN is a twat

KurriKurri · 03/12/2016 18:46

You said they've been odd with you since you did something with the basement 3 years ago? So you have lived there at least 3 years and they are only now bothered by your cooking.

Sounds liked they are being difficult for the sake of it to me. Just looking for something to complain about.

Anyway - none of their business what you cook - cooking smells are usually fairly transient. I don't like certain cooking smells - I'm vegetarian and find the smell of meat cooking quite unpleasant and I can;t stand the smell of cooked fish (I'm allergic to fish and even the smell makes me feel ill) but I'm not about to tell my lovely neighbours they can't cook and enjoy their roast dinner or their fish and chips because I don;t like the smell. I put up with it and it passes.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/12/2016 18:46

Ignore them. They are creating trouble out of nothing, and it's always best to ignore people like that. Whatever you do don't stop cooking the food you enjoy or let it become an issue in your own home.

Ebb · 03/12/2016 18:47

Our neighbours cook Indian cuisine and the smell seems to come through into our bathroom. It smells lovely. I'm always paranoid that my toxic bathroom smells end up in their kitchen though...... Blush Grin

Outfoxed · 03/12/2016 18:49

I love the smell of my neighbours cooking. I live in a very multicultural area and my walk home from work is a gorgeous nasal tour of the world and the idea of all these families eating their dinners together fills me with joy. Your neighbours suck.

Catam · 03/12/2016 18:50

Food smells are par for the course, I'd much rather that than noise/antisocial behaviour.

I used to get this from visitors about, of all things, cooking basmati rice

Cook what you like, when you like.

Mind you I see so many threads about neighbours that I am entertally grateful that I have always had brilliant neighbours for all of my 20+ years renting.

I hope relations improve for you.

Mulberry72 · 03/12/2016 18:51

Your neighbour is definitely BU, and extremely rude too.

Enidblyton1 · 03/12/2016 18:53

I would invite them round for a Malasian feast Grin

Surely they wouldn't dare to complain again after that!

alphabook · 03/12/2016 18:55

I was also going to suggest sending them a durian as an apology present! I'm sure you could order them a crate online! Grin

WLF46 · 03/12/2016 18:57

This reply has been deleted

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SVJAA · 03/12/2016 19:01

WLF46 how is cooking in your own home discourteous? Your post is aggressive and nasty and I've reported it. OP hasn't been nasty or confrontational, and can cook whatever she likes in her own home!

mscongeniality · 03/12/2016 19:02

OMG Yanbu! And I am absolutely in love with Malaysian food, could eat it everyday!!! Beef Rendang, Nasi Goreng, Roti Canai, mmmmmmmm, can I be your neighbour?!

baconandeggies · 03/12/2016 19:02

Could the wife be jealous of you? Just wondered as you mention the husband has previously complimented you and it seems to be more coming from her...

Wilberforce2 · 03/12/2016 19:02

WLF46 are you fucking serious? You are comparing someone frying bacon on a front step next door to a mosque Hmm to a Malaysian family cooking dinner inside their OWN house a couple of times a week?

KurriKurri · 03/12/2016 19:05

How do you think a strict Muslim would react if someone moved next to their mosque and deliberately fried bacon or other pork products on their front step every time the worshippers were coming or going? It would be rude and confrontational.

Yes it would, but that's a straw man argument because Op is not doing that.
She's cooking dinner in her own home a completely different and unrelated scenario to the one you describe.

MarklahMarklah · 03/12/2016 19:08

My neighbour is Israeli, and when I can smell food cooking, it smells wonderful!

JustSpeakSense · 03/12/2016 19:11

Your neighbour doesn't have a leg to stand on, as you are obviously not doing anything wrong.

You keep cooking your delicious dinners OP and don't let them make you feel uncomfortable in your own home!

limitedperiodonly · 03/12/2016 19:11

I find the posts about living next door to Asian neighbours and their intoxicating cooking smells a bit much. But MN is like that. Every Eid there are competitive posts about whose lovely Muslim neighbours have brought round the most goodies.

Cooking is cooking. It's normal behaviour and we all have to eat wherever we come from.

booklooker · 03/12/2016 19:12

The fact that your neighbour does not like the smell of your cooking does not make her a racist.

That is an absurd comment made by many on this thread.

Odours can be intrusive, as can other things like noise.

Would it be racist to complain if a neighbour was playing loud music? What if it happened to be African rhythmn?

I understand that the OP is not cooking smelly food eveyday, but calling anyone racist for not liking the odours is lacking the empathy factor entirely.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 03/12/2016 19:12

My neighbour is Indian, when they start cooking the onion smell isn't great tbh though when they get past that bit it does generally smell gorgeous & makes me so hungry.