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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that they are charging me too much?

200 replies

olderthanyouthink · 03/12/2016 15:07

How much do/would you charge adult children to live at home?

In the "The reason young people can't afford to buy houses" thread the topic of parents allowing adult children to live at home to enable them to save up quicker/easier.

My own parents have started charging me £300 to live at home, I think thats too much. Mum actually said to me that I "shouldn't be getting rich living with them for free". £300 is more than half of what I was putting in savings and I've told them before how much was putting away (£500 + what's left at the end of the month).

I wouldn't call saving so I could move out, with a financial safety net, "getting rich".

More info for perspective:

I've out of the house for nearly 14 hours per day minimum, five days a week so hardly running up heating & electricity all day.
I eat breakfast and lunch out of the house on weekdays and maybe two thirds of my dinners at home (half the time sorting something out for myself because of long commute)
We used to live in london but they moved us all out to the seaside so now commuting to work costs me £600/ month.
My income is £1500/ month.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Liiinoo · 04/12/2016 18:51

OP says she doesn't want to subsidise her parents. Presumably they've done nothing for her over the years. Ungrateful sods - they should be paying her!

Themirrorcracked · 04/12/2016 19:36

I don't know why any parent would want to charge their child to live in the family home. If they need the money to cover the extra in bills then fair enough, but why would you charge if you could afford not to? Children are not there as a source of income for parents. Parents are there as a source of support for their offspring.

I don't believe this line about teaching them about the real world or whatever. Unless the kids are stupid they will be able to work it out without needing years of practice.

OP I think it would be better for you to move out because it doesn't seem like there is a good dynamic in the house. Like you say your parents presume you will provide free care for your brother one day (fair enough, he is family) but don't want to do you a favour now? In fact, if they are relying on you taking over care from them then wouldn't they want you to be in the best financial position possible when that happens?

Squiff85 · 04/12/2016 19:39

How old are you? I think that matters a fair bit!

ConkerTriumphant · 04/12/2016 19:44

OP has already said that she is 21.

lubeybooby · 04/12/2016 19:49

I think a house share closer to your job would stand a good chance of being cheaper when you include the commute costs. it does sound like all you need is a room rental too. go for it op

Graphista · 04/12/2016 20:58

Themirrorcracked

You've said yourself about parents not being able to afford to support adult children.

As for 'they'd have to be stupid' knowing a thing logically and doing it are 2 different things (eg look at all the 'perfect' child rearing experts who reevaluate upon becoming ACTUAL parents).

In the ops case they've been very supportive and allowed her to pay very little/nothing to allow her to save towards moving out. But if her posts here are anything to go by she's likely taking the piss advantage and not appreciating what they have done, possibly even complaining out loud about them not doing enough. She's on an OK wage for 21 as several pps have pointed out including those more familiar with London than me, that she could live more cheaply in a flat share. But op doesn't seem to like that idea. Which rather suggests she has it more cushy at home than she'd like to admit.

oldlaundbooth · 04/12/2016 20:59

I can't believe how expensive the train is! It's not much under half your salary

lilyb84 · 04/12/2016 21:09

For the 2 months I lived at home when I was 18 I paid my mum £200 per month and had a £400 monthly commute to London on a bring home salary of £800 per month. So I'd say you have a good deal! You could easily be living in London and paying an equivalent amount - or probably less tbh - for rent/bills in a flat share without the massive commute while still being able to save. A monthly bus pass anywhere in any zone is less than £100 per month.

AngryGinger · 04/12/2016 21:21

I lived in isle of dogs for £450 a month last year. You need to take the bill by the horns and move out. I am sure in the future you will move haven and earth to look after you brother, but fir now you need to concentrate on yourself!

Ps don't be mean about Suffolk even if EVERYONE you meet is odd 😜

queenbeeee · 04/12/2016 21:41

Yes you are bu you cant rent a property and ask for a discount because your hardly ever there.....you parents are being more than fair why should they pay for you....you may have to abide by there rules but its there house you couldn't rent a room for that much and there would still be rules stop being stingy

Mummyme1987 · 04/12/2016 21:46

Only £300? I suggest you move out and enter the real world.

FizzBombBathTime · 04/12/2016 22:35

Not sure why people are saying the op is being mean about her brother, she has no responsibility to him, whether that sits right with people or not. It's nothing to do with the rent/board situation.

Dragongirl10 · 05/12/2016 11:12

Fizz...if l was disabled l would be seriously worried if you were my sibling...have a heart!

Soubriquet · 05/12/2016 11:20

I'm with Fizz here

Whilst it's nice to think your children is going to look after your disabled child when you pass, you shouldn't expect it either.

It isn't the siblings job to care for their disabled sibling.

It's a lot of responsibility and not everyone can it wants to do it.

It's different for parents. They can't really opt out. But siblings can

FizzBombBathTime · 05/12/2016 14:33

Fizz...if l was disabled l would be seriously worried if you were my sibling...have a heart!

I have a heart. Nothing I said is untrue. Whether you agree with her decision or not, she has no responsibility towards her brother. That's the truth.

But thanks for making assumptions about me

FizzBombBathTime · 05/12/2016 14:35

Thanks Soub

I looke after a terminally ill family member then watched them die (I'm aware this different to disability), but it's fucking hard.

FizzBombBathTime · 05/12/2016 14:35

Looked*

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/12/2016 15:00

Parents are there as a source of support for their offspring ... I don't believe this line about teaching them about the real world or whatever. Unless the kids are stupid they will be able to work it out ...

MissStein · 05/12/2016 15:03

Eeek you sound like a right spoilt bratty child of about 10. You dont want to subsidise your parents (highly doubt your are) but expect them to subsidize you? Okaaaaaay then.

Also your attitude to your brother is absolutely stinking. Arbitrarily i guess you have no responsibility to your brother once your dparents die. But by your logic your parents responsibility to you ended three years ago but im guessing had they kicked you out the house and told you to FO, not our problem anymore, you'd have been less than thrilled.

What happened to close family ties and looking after our own? Or is this cold-hearted not my responsibility/problem just a mn thing? No one i know would treat a disabled sibling the way you have mentioned.

Anyway, YABU, why are even whinging. If you think they are overcharging move out.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 05/12/2016 15:18

I'm not opposed to paying what it costs them to have me here but I am opposed to them making a "profit"
they can't be relying upon me subsidising them
I find this attitude a bit strange. They are your parents FFS. I imagine they spent quite a lot of money feeding/clothing/educating you. Not saying you should pay them back, but you seem quite entitled and ungrateful.

It is quite convenient living with your parents, do you do your share of housework, shopping (household things, not just bits you fancy eating), admin, etc. If the boiler was to break down, would you be expected to arrange for a plumber to repair it, be there when he comes, pay the bill? Or are you expecting your parents to handle it? You are not just paying for room and food, you are also paying for someone running the household.

StefCWS · 05/12/2016 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheNaze73 · 05/12/2016 15:55

Unbelievable OP.

NancyDonahue · 05/12/2016 16:34

In your opinion you say they've just started charging you £300. So you've been living rent free for how long?

£300 is very reasonable. As pp's have said, you are not just paying for your 'keep', you're paying for the convenience of having someone to sort out everything related to the home you live in. Oven breaks - you go off merrily to work while your mum/dad sort out how to get it fixed.

Running a home isn't a picnic. It takes a lot of time, dedication and money.

NancyDonahue · 05/12/2016 16:34

*opinion = op

MarcelineTheVampire · 05/12/2016 17:58

I used to pay my parents £400 per month when I moved back home. That included everything including good and I thought it was an amazing deal!!!

I think perhaps it's time for a dose of the real world OP...

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