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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that they are charging me too much?

200 replies

olderthanyouthink · 03/12/2016 15:07

How much do/would you charge adult children to live at home?

In the "The reason young people can't afford to buy houses" thread the topic of parents allowing adult children to live at home to enable them to save up quicker/easier.

My own parents have started charging me £300 to live at home, I think thats too much. Mum actually said to me that I "shouldn't be getting rich living with them for free". £300 is more than half of what I was putting in savings and I've told them before how much was putting away (£500 + what's left at the end of the month).

I wouldn't call saving so I could move out, with a financial safety net, "getting rich".

More info for perspective:

  • I've out of the house for nearly 14 hours per day minimum, five days a week so hardly running up heating & electricity all day.
  • I eat breakfast and lunch out of the house on weekdays and maybe two thirds of my dinners at home (half the time sorting something out for myself because of long commute)
  • We used to live in london but they moved us all out to the seaside so now commuting to work costs me £600/ month.
  • My income is £1500/ month.

Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/12/2016 20:06

I agree HicDraconis

SheldonCRules · 03/12/2016 20:19

Hic, not a lone as I've also said I wouldn't charge.

You're right, rent, council tax, tv licence, internet are the same cost without the DD living there and there's no way she eats £300 worth of food or uses that much in utilities.

I also think expecting her to step up for her disabled sibling in the future is very wrong. That's not her responsibility and never should be unlessis a choice she makes willingly.

Liiinoo · 03/12/2016 21:15

Lol at me skivvying! When I refer to a cleaner I mean the person we pay to come in and do the cleaning!! But she doesn't do DDs room, just living rooms, kitchen and bathrooms (and master and guest bedroom).

OTH I do DDs laundry and cook for her occasionally because she is working full time and studying for professional qualifications and I only work one day a week. There is a fine line to walk between preparing young adults for an independent life and taking care of them.

BreconBeBuggered · 03/12/2016 21:57

As a parent of a 22-year-old I have to say that when he moved out my electricity, metered water and gas bills were noticeably lower, and food shopping cost considerably less. I don't think I could afford to have him back living at home for nothing, and neither of us would contemplate it other than as an emergency measure.
Think honestly about what you're getting out of living in your parents' home. The £600 commute on your salary seems ludicrous to me. You could be 'throwing away' rent on a flatshare for less than that, and have some independence. Is that what you want, or do you just want everyone to say how rotten they are to be charging you?

Graphista · 03/12/2016 21:58

Hicdraconis and others saying they wouldn't charge

Not all parents could afford to have their adult children living and not paying anything.

It's not doing the adult child any favours as they then don't have a real working idea of what it's like to pay your bills etc

I'm afraid the adult children I know (very few) who didn't have to pay anything st home, didn't save but frittered their money, were reluctant to move out and become independent, were also not expected to help around the house and expected their partners to do the bulk of the housework when they DID eventually move out.

Graphista · 03/12/2016 21:59
  • living with them that should have said
Marynary · 03/12/2016 22:16

I think it is a lot considering that it doesn't cost them much to have you there. They are either trying to make money out of you or they are hoping you will decide to move out. In your position I would move as soon as possible.

ivykaty44 · 03/12/2016 22:34

All this

It doesn't cost a lot to have you there

If my dd2 didn't live with me I would be living in a smaller place, probably a flat and it would be a darn sight cheaper for bills, rent etc than the house I'm now in. Much more than £300 per month.

No one knows the real financial situation if the parents, they may have moved but they made sure there was room for the OP

DailyMailSucksAss · 03/12/2016 22:35

I used to have to pay all siblings expenses - pocket money, clubs, classes, dinner money, going out, the lot. Worked out to £500\mth. I was earning £10k at the time so basically getting in 850-900 a month if I was lucky. I saved, micro-managed my money, and was really really miserable throughout. I would move closer to your workplace if I were you. Even in London you can get a houseshare for 800ish inc bills - would be cheaper than commuting + board.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 03/12/2016 22:45

Perhaps OPs parents are very aware that her disabled brother may be burdensome former - and are making financial arrangements so that he won't!. If they are concerned that he will outlive them and you will have your own family and would find it hard to care for him, they may be trying to ensure that he has somewhere safe and comfortable where he can be cared for - that doesn't come cheap.

GoldfinchesInTheGarden · 03/12/2016 22:53

We charged 20% of take home pay.

That was roughly the amount that the bills came to when split between the adults who were earning, which seemed pretty fair. We didn't need anything for the mortgage.

pringlecat · 03/12/2016 23:15

Just done a quick search.

Living and working no further out that zone 2 results in a bedsit (so minimal sharing with others), utilities, council tax, internet and travel for £680 all in each month. If the job is in zone 3, make it £700.

£300 board + £600 commuting = £900

That leaves you £200 for food.

Now, you still won't get to save up as quickly as you would like, but you would be no worse off and you wouldn't have someone going through your possessions.

You'll never talk your parents round - just move out. You'll be happier for it.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 03/12/2016 23:43

We charge our son 10% of his take-home pay (his wages fluctuate). I think it's good to charge something because they kids need to learn about the value of money but we'd never charge too much because 1) it just feels a bit mean and 2) he's trying to save up for a deposit to move out and we'd rather he used the money for that purpose rather than simply gift it to us.

I think the OP's parents are being a bit selfish.

Marynary · 04/12/2016 11:32

No one knows the real financial situation if the parents, they may have moved but they made sure there was room for the OP

I presume you rent though. It sounds as if OP's parents own their house so I doubt that they bought a larger one than necessary with the assumption that she would be living there too for a few years, considering that she is 21 and has told them she plans to move out when she has saved enough for a deposit.

ivykaty44 · 04/12/2016 15:12

I don't rent? Why would you presume that?

StStrattersOfMN · 04/12/2016 15:18

Lol. £300 a month. Lol.

And then I think of my youngest DD, who only gets ESA and wants to pay me the same amount as you. And I realise just how incredibly lucky I am.

YelloDraw · 04/12/2016 15:19

As PPs have said, your £300 rent and £600 commute plus savings leaves you in a good financial decision to move

^^100%

You can have a really nice houseshare near work in London for £900 / £1000 a month all in. you do not need to be at your parents.

YelloDraw · 04/12/2016 15:23

And a slightly less nice house share room (more people to the house, smaller bedroom, ex-la flat) for £700. Just move out.

jadeyty · 04/12/2016 15:28

£1500 a month...300 rent, 600 commute, 500 save. Only 100 left?? Why is the commute so much? 500 is a decent amount to be saving each month.

Dragongirl10 · 04/12/2016 15:33

op you sound like a horrible brat, your poor parents having taken care of a disabled child for years and the other one ie you, thinks the world owes her a living.

You have big financial shocks ahead of you like many , but your attitude to your parents and brother are truly appalling.

You are an adult they owe you nothing, stand on your own two feet.

witsender · 04/12/2016 15:53

Tbh you sound thoroughly unpleasant and entitled, which isn't something I often say. The whole disparaging chat about your brother and your mum's nerves etc does you no favours at all especially as you expect to live for free.

Move out and stand on your own two feet, good luck finding somewhere for £300.

And I say that as someone with no intention of charging kids to live at home.

MoodyOne · 04/12/2016 15:53

I paid a third of my wage when I lived at home (£300) , it's cheaper then paying rent and bills together , but it helped me be able to plan money , and get a sense of how things work in the real world x

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/12/2016 17:47

they can't be relying upon me subsidising them

Genuine question: in that case - and at your age - why is it then acceptable to expect them to subsidise you?

I do agree that you shouldn't be expected to house your DB if you don't feel able to, though; advocating for him is one thing, but full time care quite another. Best, perhaps, to be absolutely clear where you stand on this while your DPs are still in a position to make other arrangements

Deadsouls · 04/12/2016 17:53

I think £300 is reasonable per month. If that's including food, bills etc. If you were not living at home you'd have to pay maybe another third on top for a house share or lodging. More if it was a flat share.

carelesswhisper27 · 04/12/2016 18:01

Wow, OP you could be my little sister who is a similar age to you. She is on £1400 after tax, grumbling that my dad has asked her for £50 a week. I think you both need a dose of reality. You say you don't want to be subsidising your parents, and you don't think they should make a profit from you? Do you have any idea about how much bills cost?

My rent alone is £750 - that's up North for a 2 bed flat; plus council tax at £180. Before we pay for any utilities, luxuries or food we are approaching £1000 per month... as you are down south commutable from London I imagine the costs are significantly higher than this - you have a good deal. If you don't like it move out.