To think that they are charging me too much?

[olderthanyouthink]

How much do/would you charge adult children to live at home?

In the "The reason young people can't afford to buy houses" thread the topic of parents allowing adult children to live at home to enable them to save up quicker/easier.

My own parents have started charging me £300 to live at home, I think thats too much. Mum actually said to me that I "shouldn't be getting rich living with them for free". £300 is more than half of what I was putting in savings and I've told them before how much was putting away (£500 + what's left at the end of the month).

I wouldn't call saving so I could move out, with a financial safety net, "getting rich".

More info for perspective:

• I've out of the house for nearly 14 hours per day minimum, five days a week so hardly running up heating & electricity all day.
• I eat breakfast and lunch out of the house on weekdays and maybe two thirds of my dinners at home (half the time sorting something out for myself because of long commute)
• We used to live in london but they moved us all out to the seaside so now commuting to work costs me £600/ month.
• My income is £1500/ month.

Who's being unreasonable?

I guess the train ticket cost adding to it make it feel worse

FWIW there's a 3 bed house on my street up for rent for £700 so while this is essex it's not crazy expensive here (too far for most people to want to commute to london)

I think your parents are nuts btw.

Don't they want you to succeed? Smacks of jealousy that maybe you are working hard and earning money and might well "get rich" one day.

Screw em. Go for a room share, you'll have the time of your life with other young folk and spend the 5 hours a day you save not commuting on something worthwhile.

Except the OP is 21 not 18...

Potentially you could find lodgings in a family home nearer work which would leave you no worse off and you would be less beholden to your parents. I would even look where you could offer to babysit twice per week for reduced board rates.

I would look into it and then make a decision that is best for you. It does feel like they want you trapped there - I imagine there will be a huge attempted guilt trip "we can't afford for you to move out..." I kind of think the sooner you leave the better!

I think it's a bit steep, I would say £200 is more reasonable

I pay 450 a calendar month for a room/own kitchenette/ensuite bathroom with all bills included to someone doing it for profit so 300 to your own parents sounds steep to me. It's far in excess of what it costs to have an extra body in the house.

I think what they are charging you is very reasonable.

However, it isn't on for them to invade your privacy as you describe. If your relationship with them is so bad that they won't listen to you about this, then you need to move out.

At any rate, commuting for so many hours a day and spending so much money to do it is mad. You need to find a job nearer to where you live, or move nearer to your job. That isn't really your parents' fault.

Based on the rent you stated giving me an idea of council tax banding and water rates etc I calculated the costs of you living with your parents is costing them around £350. And I erred on the cheaper side of the council tax/water rates.

£10 a night for bed and board sounds like a bargain to me. I don't think they are being unreasonable and if you don't like it then you need to move out. The commute sounds crazy!

RandomMess I have thought about the babysitting thing because of my friends and colleagues horror stories of flatmates. Any Idea how to find that kind of thing? I've seen the occasional one on spareroom and gumtree, anywhere else?

Good post from Shasta.

YABU in that they aren't charging you an unfair rent, but I wouldn't expect you to recognise that if you have never lived outside of the home independently post-Uni. That's because you won't have visibility of what it all looks like together: Rent + bills(heat, light, water, council tax, TV + licence, landline) + food shopping + insurance + mobile + transport/car.

The cost of furnishing somewhere is expensive, plus starting your food cupboards from scratch - all of those incidental things that you build up over time like ketchup, S&P, oil, flour, sugar, herbs and spices etc.

A room in a shared house would be a great start because it means that you can gradually start building up your stuff (having to buy everything from frying pans to loo roll holders is bloody expensive), ready for the day that you might want your own flat or house. You'd still be spending money but the savings on transport could be channelled into accommodation closer to work, giving you more free time to socialise and enjoy things.

It is a hard stage of life from a financial perspective but it can also be great fun. When DH and I first moved in together we had exactly 2 sets of cutlery and 2 plates and bowls - the washing up never hung about because you needed the stuff so you'd be able to eat your next meal! I also spent what felt like a year living on chicken supernoodles, but the freedom of having your own key, your own space and nobody nagging you was amazing.

I think it's a bit much to say that it smacks of jealousy. They want their adult daughter to act like an adult and pay her way. I don't see how jealousy comes into that. Everybody has to grow up sometime and I think if you are with the ability to hold down a job you are more than capable of acting like a grown up at home too.
If I found out my child had spoken about me the way you have spoken about your mother here, I wouldn't have much good will towards you. What your mother does or doesn't do with regards to working is between her and her husband, it has nothing to do with you.

X post - do you have friends or colleagues that you get on well with, who would be interested in sharing the 3-bed with you? £700 pcm is reasonable - what's the council tax?

The problem is actually not your RENT, but your £600 commute!

My dd lives in Manchester and pays around £400 rent, £55 bills, then food on top

She is also out if the flat for 12 hours per day
She eats breakfast lunch and dinner, but has to budget well and shops at aldi
She walks to work but needs a car for her job s
And this is another expenses

If she was living at home, I would do her washing, feed her and she would help out with the housework and cooking - payment would be 15% of her income and that's a lot less than she is paying now.

Im glad she's making her own way and having the opertunity to live in a vibrant city.

You can move and live where ever you like - go for it

But why would she move to another house near where she lives, and still have a long and costly commute?

They only just started charging you after you already saved up an reasonable amount and you get Arsey refusing to pay it so your mum has to pack your stuff? I would be cross too they can only subsise you so long before you have to pay you're way. You sound bitter about your DB and rather cold about him tbh

I think it's too much, it doesn't cost that much to feed an adult a month even allowing a small amount for utilities. It seems mercenary to make a profit from children.

I won't be charging mine when the time comes but do expect they are sensible and save a good amount each month towards their own place.

Oh I forgot to include tv licence and phone line rental so that's another what? £10? It all adds up.

Your relationship with your family sounds more and more unhealthy which each post you make, tbh. You seem to resent and dislike your parents and yet at the same time, think they owe you cheap accommodation. If I was your parents, I don't think I'd be inclined to do financial favours for an adult daughter who had nothing but contempt for me.

You could get a room in a house share nearer to London and spend on rent what you currently spend on your commute, and potentially even get a couple of nights' bar work a week to boost your savings. You could also consider looking for a job in a cheaper city where rent would be much more affordable - I did this when I was not much older than you, even though I didn't know a soul in the city I moved to, it was 200 miles away from my family and I'm extremely shy and anxious of meeting new people.

At the moment, you're not doing yourself any favours. You sound a bit like a stroppy teenager rather than a grown woman, talking about your parents 'moving you to the seaside'. Why the hell shouldn't they move to the seaside if they want to? Their lives can't revolve around you forever; you're an adult. I think if you move out and start standing on your own two feet your relationship with your parents will improve and you'll become a much more mature and responsible person.

older I'm inclined to agree with the majority, that £300 per month is not an unreasonable amount to pay your parents. I think that some posters have been a unnecessarily aggressive in their responses when obviously you are just feeling a bit fed up with your situation. Your long commute means that you have very little time for relaxing - not the ideal situation for most 21 year olds - but it does give you the time to put together a plan. Start researching shared house costs, make lists of other costs, e.g. Insurance, wifi, etc. Good luck!

THEY ONLY JUST STARTED CHARGING OP she was living rent free previously read her update

I think that there are two key questions - (1) can they afford the cost of you being there, I.e. the extra electricity and food and (2) would they otherwise be getting a lodger if you weren't there?

If they were otherwise going to rent out your room then you need to pay something meaningful, or if they are pushed for money but not so much as to rent a room you should cover your own food costs etc.

However I think that we have a responsibility to help our children in this day and age when it's not easy to get a job/buy a house etc - even if it's just letting you stay and charging you the bare minimum to cover those own costs. They should not be seeking to charge you the same as a lodger unless you are displacing a lodger or spend your cash in such a way that they end up subsiding you to have a higher standard of living than they have.

My 24 yo DD pays us 25% of her take home pay. We don't need it and will probably give it all back to her when she eventually needs a deposit to buy somewhere. But I think it is important that as an adult she contributes a sensible amount, she is no longer a child and I think she should be paying her way. She also pays her own phone contract and car costs.

For the amount she gives us she could probably rent a small room in a shared house, but it wouldn't cover fuel, internet, Sky, council tax, water rates etc and it certainly wouldnt include laundry services, food, a cleaner and access to a fridge in the garage full of wine!

'it doesn't cost that much to feed an adult a month even allowing a small amount for utilities.'

Really? They could put the room on AirB&B and get that without having to feed the guest. Years ago when I was single and lived alone it was still about £25/week at the cheapest. My 'small amount' of utility was easily £15/week in Winter with heating and then I had to go and pay the LL for the space. The cheek of them!