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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

child pointed toy gun at me

493 replies

morningtoncrescent62 · 03/12/2016 14:14

I know that telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU. But genuinely not sure whether I was in the wrong here. On the bus this morning, woman got on with two children aged about 5, dressed up, obviously excited about going somewhere. One of the children was dressed as a cowboy, complete with toy gun. I'll admit I hate seeing children playing with guns, but I know not everyone feels the same. They sat behind and across the aisle from me and I was reading a book and trying not to be distracted - they were fairly noisy but not unreasonably so in the circumstances.

A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly. The woman hadn't seen as she was rootling about in her bag. So I said to the child, not sharply but firmly, 'Please don't point your gun at me, it isn't very nice'. The woman looked up and apologised. Then she took the child on her lap for a cuddle and started a loud conversation with the other one about how adults sometimes talk to children instead of the adult who is with them and this is bad and wrong. Which is OK if it's her position, but nothing at all about how sometimes when you point guns at people and pretend to shoot them they don't like it and they ask you not to. I was tempted to say to her that if her child was too young to be asked by strangers not to point his toy gun at them, then he was too young to be allowed to play with it in a public place - but I was about to get off the bus so I didn't.

So, MN jury, WIBU to speak directly to the child?

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 13:15

shooting somebody, even pretending to shoot someone, isn't nice
she has, actually, said that she would choose her words differently another time.

Floggingmolly · 06/12/2016 13:25

Because she was being involved in the game and she didn't want to be
She "involved" herself when she kept swiveling round to look at him! What else was the kid supposed to think?
Why do you keep making the same point, Bertrand, when op has said quite clearly that the child was seated behind her and she had to actually twist round in her seat to see him?
There's always the possibility that she's got eyes in the back of her head, of course, but she'd probably have thought to mention it by now if that were the case.

SoberSusan · 06/12/2016 13:34

YABU. Did you believe the toy gun was going to hurt you?

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 13:37

"They sat behind and across the aisle from me......
........A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly"

Sorry, I was going on the original post- where the child was slightly behind and across the aisle, so in your lign of sight when you look up from a book.

Has morningtoncrescent clarified that the child was completely behind her and she twisted round to see him? I must have missed that.

And anyway- even if he was completely behind her it's still OK for her to ask him to stop.

bumsexatthebingo · 06/12/2016 13:53

I can't see the seats across the aisle and behind me on the bus even out of the corner of my eye without turning my head. Unless the op is a zebra she would have had to turn around rather that just look up from her book and zebras can't read Hope that's put that point to bed

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 06/12/2016 13:55

Bertrand is it the fact that the child was playing with a toy gun that you object to? I think you'll find that the child's mother doesn't have to obey your rules, or the OP's.

Gottagetmoving · 06/12/2016 13:56

How awful for you.

A child was playing with a toy gun and pointed it at you.
You must be traumatised.

bumsexatthebingo · 06/12/2016 13:58

And of course the op can (and did) ask him to stop. Freedom of speech - people can say what they like. But she was on here asking if it was unreasonable. Imo if you have to crane your neck around to be offended by something you wouldn't otherwise be aware of then you are being unreasonable to complain about it.

Movingonuppppp · 06/12/2016 14:00

Pathetic. Get a hobby

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 06/12/2016 14:06

You were very rude imo! Why did you not just A) ignore it, it wasn't hurting you or doing anything to you or B) speak to the mother to give her the chance to ask her child to stop then she could explain to her child how some people get offended over nothing.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 14:08

"Bertrand is it the fact that the child was playing with a toy gun that you object to?"

No. It is the fact that the child was pointing the toy gun at the OP and pretending to shoot her. The OP has a perfect right not to want to be involved and ask him to stop.

Whether or not toy guns and cowboy outfits are appropriate toys for children is for another thread. The fact is that the OP does not think they are, and did not wish to be involved in the game.

bumsexatthebingo · 06/12/2016 14:11

Then the op could carry on reading her book and not be involved at all. The child wasn't in her eyeline, he wasn't touching her.

catkind · 06/12/2016 14:16

OP also said the game was noisy, so it's pretty natural people would look around and notice what it was, hardly a case of OP turning around on purpose to be offended.

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/12/2016 14:17

I know telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU.

^This is the opening line of the OP, so it is about telling off the boy on the bus. Did you miss that line Bert?

But anyway, back to the interesting topic of telling children off, just because you don't personally like what they are doing. Does it extend to clothes? I sometimes see boys (I think they're brothers) on my bus wearing a football strip. I am aware that this club has sectarian connotations and when they play in derbys, there is an increase in reports of DV. Also I have never seen any of these boys wearing pink or princess dresses.

Next time I see them, should I tell them that I don't like their football strip, it's not nice and tell them that I am concerned that they wear stereotypical gendered clothing?

What about adults who sit beside me on gambling Apps. I don't like gambling. I very aware of the pain and destruction on-line gambling can do to families. I mean it is totally in my line of sight if they sit beside me and I Just Don't Like It. Is it ok to tell off adults too, or is it just the under tens that I am allowed to tell off?

bumsexatthebingo · 06/12/2016 14:20

Yep you can notice but then choose not carry on looking. If you're looking forward or at your book the child could be pointing the gun anywhere. Of course you can tell people behind you on the bus how you would prefer them to behave when it has no effect on you whatsoever but I don't think it's surprising that it might not be well received. Personally if I was going to firmly tell of someone else's child on a bus it wouldn't be for something I could easily jut ignore.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 14:21

Dione the child was pointing the toy gun at the OP and repeatedly pulling the trigger. The game was specifically targeted at her personally.

Completely different to any of the examples you give.

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 06/12/2016 14:21

Gosh, I ignore other people all the time, I wonder how I manage it?

Floggingmolly · 06/12/2016 14:22

You're allowed to do it anytime that You're Right and They're Wrong, apparently. For clues as to when You're Right, see Bertrand

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 14:23

No. You can do it if it involves you personally.

catkind · 06/12/2016 14:24

If a child was making rude comments about you on the bus and you turned round and caught them pointing at you, would you turn away and ignore? If you weren't looking they could be talking about anyone after all.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 06/12/2016 14:24

Unless, of course, he was shooting at the imaginary alien in front of the OP . . .or firing a tranquiliser dart at the pretend dinosaur about to eat the OP . . .or . . .

Gottagetmoving · 06/12/2016 14:28

The fact is that the OP does not think they are, and did not wish to be involved in the game

That's probably why the child pretended to shoot her.
Kids are not bothered if you want to play or not...They are playing a game in their head and you just happen to be there. Some people would play along, much to the delight of the child,..others will ignore. I doubt the child cares whether you ignore or not.

BertrandRussell · 06/12/2016 14:28

And yes, of course you can ignore if you want to. That's fine. But if you don't want to, that's fine too- so long as it's something that involves you personally, or involves other people less able to intervene than you are.

catkind · 06/12/2016 14:34

Anyway, now we have established that quite a few people would be offended or upset by guns being pointed at them, however unreasonable you think we are being, are you all going to tell your kids not to point toy weapons at strangers? That's how good manners work isn't it? You don't do something that carries a significant risk of upsetting someone?

bumsexatthebingo · 06/12/2016 14:35

I don't consider rude comments to be in the same bracket as a child playing tbh. But probably I would ignore it because likely the mum would be dealing with it and if not I'm not going to be offended and get into a tit for tat over something a very young child had said (especially if I thought a reaction was what they were after).

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