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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

child pointed toy gun at me

493 replies

morningtoncrescent62 · 03/12/2016 14:14

I know that telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU. But genuinely not sure whether I was in the wrong here. On the bus this morning, woman got on with two children aged about 5, dressed up, obviously excited about going somewhere. One of the children was dressed as a cowboy, complete with toy gun. I'll admit I hate seeing children playing with guns, but I know not everyone feels the same. They sat behind and across the aisle from me and I was reading a book and trying not to be distracted - they were fairly noisy but not unreasonably so in the circumstances.

A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly. The woman hadn't seen as she was rootling about in her bag. So I said to the child, not sharply but firmly, 'Please don't point your gun at me, it isn't very nice'. The woman looked up and apologised. Then she took the child on her lap for a cuddle and started a loud conversation with the other one about how adults sometimes talk to children instead of the adult who is with them and this is bad and wrong. Which is OK if it's her position, but nothing at all about how sometimes when you point guns at people and pretend to shoot them they don't like it and they ask you not to. I was tempted to say to her that if her child was too young to be asked by strangers not to point his toy gun at them, then he was too young to be allowed to play with it in a public place - but I was about to get off the bus so I didn't.

So, MN jury, WIBU to speak directly to the child?

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 04/12/2016 15:39

Doinit, the OP said that the child was behind her.

TowerRavenSeven · 04/12/2016 15:41

Wow. I live in the states in one of the most gun loving state in the union. I would definitely say something to a child pointing a toy gun at me.

DoinItFine · 04/12/2016 16:06

So how would you expect a child to play with a toy gun, other than pointing it at people and saying 'bang'

If your imagination can't come up with anything, maybe don't give your children guns to play with in public.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 17:10

"So how would you expect a child to play with a toy gun, other than pointing it at people and saying 'bang'"

I don't know. That's why a gun is an inappropriate toy for a child.

Sparklingbrook · 04/12/2016 17:15

You can't really have a good game of Nerf Wars without aiming the gun at others. You have to get the velcro darts to stick to the vest somehow.

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2016 17:17

Yep, as long as you don't hit someone in the face/ neck/ head, it's all allowed in our house. Face/ neck/ head and it's removed for a week.

Different strokes for different folks. But anyway this gun did not have darts in it.

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2016 17:19

I don't know why we let kids play with remote control cars or go on bumper cars. They'll probably grow up to be dangerous drivers or joy riders. Basically we're teaching them to kill people. Hmm

(Or maybe it's lots of fun)

Suppermummy02 · 04/12/2016 17:32

Not seen anyone comment that we actually need to inspire more children into joining the military, we do have a shortage. This was a cowboy but we should encourage children to play soldiers.

StrangeLookingParasite · 04/12/2016 17:41

a kid once pointed a "toy" gun at me through my front window and pulled the trigger - it broke the window.

Bloody hell, what gun was that! (so I know not to get one)

Heh, I just remembered; small son had a big brightly coloured water pistol, and was shooting water straight up in the air one day. A police car went past, and one of the police officers put her hands in the air like she was being held up. Playing.

(I love our police, they're awesome).

Atenco · 04/12/2016 18:43

Not seen anyone comment that we actually need to inspire more children into joining the military, we do have a shortage. This was a cowboy but we should encourage children to play soldiers

Yeah, we should all bring our children up to be cannon-fodder or mass murderers.

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2016 18:59

The thing is nothing they play with at the age of 5 is going to inspire them to become that. Whether it's doctors/ nurses/ cowboys/ aliens or Iron Man. It's called imaginative play.

catkind · 04/12/2016 19:06

Strange, don't know - it was a neighbour down the road 's child and friend, and before I had kids. I guess any kind of projectile at close enough quarters can do damage. Somehow being shot at was rather more upsetting than a tennis ball accident.

peardropz · 04/12/2016 20:03

Not seen anyone comment that we actually need to inspire more children into joining the military, we do have a shortage. This was a cowboy but we should encourage children to play soldiers.

What a terrifying post.

Amandahugandkisses · 04/12/2016 20:07

I haven't read the whole thread but If you grew up in Brixton this wouldn't be good form !!

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/12/2016 20:22

There are epic gun battles at least weekly in my street. Children point guns at eachother and passers by. No one has been hurt or hospitalised. But then my neighbours accept that it's nothing more than child's play and none suffer from pearl clutching strangulation.

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 04/12/2016 23:00

The kid was playing. In a way that wasn't inappropriate, dangerous

For some people, having a gun pointed at them, even a toy, is distressing. Since you don't know who is and isn't bothered by it, much like singing "Let It Go" loudly, it's best to teach kids not to do it around or to strangers.

I will admit that I'm a bit extra cautious on the subjectI grew up with cap guns and toy lasers and hate that Han Solo's blaster is only sold in bright orange now, but it's because we now have to teach our kids not to point guns at people for their own safety. Every year, kids (usually 12+), and sometimes adults, point toy guns at the wrong person, and they get tackled, hit, arrested, or even shot for it because the person thinks it's a real gun. (Toy guns that look realistic are supposed to come with an orange ring on the barrel, but it's small, and falls or is pried off easily.) And sometimes they get shot because they don't think that pellet or BB guns are dangerousthey think they're just toys, too. I know the UK doesn't have that problem, but we do.

So I'm in the "never point a toy gun at a stranger" camp, both for the child's potential safety in the future, and for the comfort of the stranger.

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 04/12/2016 23:02

So how would you expect a child to play with a toy gun, other than pointing it at people and saying 'bang'

Let them play with them at home, with friends, whatever, but not point them at strangers?

Witchend · 04/12/2016 23:05

My uncle, when he was about 3yo and in a temper tantrum broke a window when he threw a postcard at it.

Lifegavemelemons · 04/12/2016 23:15

Teaching children to play with guns normalises it IMO - and can have horrifying consequences for the children. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/oct/18/under-18s-in-army-face-greater-injury-death-and-mental-health-risks

DistanceCall · 05/12/2016 10:56

There's a difference between playing with toy guns and then going on to use guns. And there's a difference between being a responsible gun user (like hunters) and being, well, a the sort of thing that seems to be rather frequent in the US. I live in a country (Spain) where it's culturally normal for children to play with toy guns, but gun usage is controlled and rather low (professional security and hunting).

Children have aggressive drives, which are healthy and perfectly normal. If they can't play with guns, they'll play with sticks and stones, which are potentially more damaging.

DistanceCall · 05/12/2016 10:57

By the way, I would have either gone "ooh, you killed me", and pretend to die (comically) or made a gun with my fingers and shot back.

RhiannonElward · 05/12/2016 11:19

I think op was entitled to not have a child annoy her. I also have no problem in speaking to the kid and not the parent, but where YABU was the tone and wording. You could have said something like 'wow, you look brilliant and that gun looks like fun but do you mind pointing it somewhere else sweetie? I don't like the noise'. You didn't need to tell him off when he wasn't doing anything wrong, he was playing with you. If you just politely request him to stop in a friendly manner then you're not being a dick, you're asking him to do you a special kindness. That would have been fine.

Floggingmolly · 05/12/2016 11:29

But he shouldn't have been annoying her because; ALL TOGETHER NOW, BIG PANTOMIME VOICES - he was BEHIND her..... (for the umpteenth time)
Op had no particular reason to keep looking back to clock what he was doing.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 05/12/2016 11:49

Haven't read the whole thread, but out of interest OP, do you have young children yourself? I only ask because my opinion on this these things pre-children differs quite a lot to my opinion post-children.

I distinctly remember a time before I had kids myself, walking along a street behind a dad who was carrying his young child. I remember thinking how cute the little boy was...until he lifted his head from his Dad's shoulder, looked at me and pulled out his toy gun and pointed it at me. I was really shocked and also made a few judgements about his parents letting him play with toy weapons and decided that the kid wasn't so cute after all!

Now I have two DC who have both loved dressing up (my DS has kind of outgrown it now) and playing with swords, guns, bows and arrows and I think it's lovely imaginative play. If I was on a bus now and saw a little boy dressed as a cowboy and pointing a gun at me, I probably would play along in the same way I do with my own children or at the very least smile at him and think it's nice to see a child with a good imagination. It's a toy prop that is part of a costume...I certainly wouldn't feel shocked or threatened in any way like I did with the little boy I saw before I had kids. And I wouldn't have said anything to the child...he didn't mean any harm. If I did feel unhappy about it I would have said something quietly to the Mum.

RhiannonElward · 05/12/2016 11:50

I don't think you can tell the op what she's allowed to be annoyed about, if you're annoyed then you're annoyed. If the child had been spoken to nicely and not told off then I think it would have been fine. I don't think it matters that he was behind her all that much, once you've clocked that you're being shot at by a toy gun, then you're entitled to politely request that it stops IMO.