To wonder if middle class families are ever referred to ss?

[malificent7]

It always seem to be the poor who are referred but middle class naice families can be abusive too.
My family was middle class but my mum had severe mental health issues which affected her parenting (a lot). I gave a few friends who had wealthy parents but were treated very badly.. aibu to wonder if wealth covers up bad situations?

It's unusual to be honest.

such an obsession with class on mumsnet

It does happen. It's just kept quiet.
Have worked at a school in a leafy suburb and benefits Street type area too. Similar no of referrals just not widely know other than safeguarding person.

As a social worker I can say that yes, they are.

Friend who worked in ss told me that there was loads of ss involvement in the local nice area, mostly creative types who thought children could be left to their own devices. So yes!

I had the same experience as you op. Mother with severe mental health issues and was abusive, but we lived in a nice house in a nice area and they were good at keeping things covered up, although not from the next door neighbour who would have been able to hear through the wall. I think it's a valid point to raise.

In my personal experience, coming from a poor family, we had ss involved in our childhood because my dm reported my perverted step father to the police, and moved us to a different part of the country for our safety, that very evening. One of my friends however was brought up very middle class in a massive house, which some of the rooms would be let out to boarders. One of them raped her when she was just 3 years old. Instead of reporting it to the police, her parents decided the best course of action was for her father to sleep in his daughters bed until the rapist left and to never speak of it again. Her Mother beat and starved her throughout her childhood until her father moved out and took her with him, again swept under the carpet. My friend is now a mother herself, has raging mh issues but is finally realising what she went through as a child was not her fault. I think the difference is, poorer families rely on ss to help them get out of abusive situations or are recognised as being in an abusive situation because they are poor, where as wealthier families wouldn't want to be associated with the ss so try and deal with it themselves.

As someone who regularly refers (sadly), it is usually less well off families, but not always. There is usually a change in circumstances - death of parent or absent parent that tips the 'just coping' balance to not coping.

Yes definitely. I've heard of rather a few "alternative" parents being referred. One of my friends was.

Yes - I am and we where

Money can often pay where parenting skills are lacking though - send to boarding school / nanny etc.

Also some of the sheer stress that leads to "not coping" can be alleviated if you can buy meals from cook, not worry about rent, have a big enough and calm enough place to get a break from your children. There are so many social reasons people find it hard to cope and a parenting course isn't the answer - the wealthier parents would just never have had to cope in those situations.

As for social services. I had an awful childhood. One parent alcoholic, random men etc. The other ("respectable") one didn't give me money for clothes or food or transport to school and often disappeared on business trips. Social services did get involved and left when he spun his posh charm...

I've never known SS involvement with middle class families. It does interest me. Not middle class alternative, a bit hippyish but big detached house, doctors, lawyers, possibly private school, types.

I guess I could be classed as "alternative" in some ways, and it is something that has worried me in the past (probably daft). I don't consider myself middle class though.

A middle class friend of mine was referred because her little one fell down the stairs and had a nasty bump. She refused to put up stair gates and this concerned them.

I think it happens a lot more than we think, it's just not as widely discussed.

I was in a changing room at centre parcs and heard an extremely 'well spoken' woman say some horrific things to her little girl, really nasty stuff. I remember thinking she'd probably be the type who could talk her way out of it if ever ss came calling but I'm sure they would investigate the same way whatever her background. They will have procedures to follow. I think its not a class issue as such, its about how conniving and manipulative you are.

Depends on the reasons for SS involvement too, ime it is the MC families with disabled children that are more likely to have a disability social worker advocating for their child, because they've pushed/chased up to get one.

Your own personal experience is not indicative of a national average. It's impossible to tell without knowing the real statistics.

Among the families I worked with who had SS involvement were poor and more well off families. The reasons for referral were varied.

In my experience the more well off families were a lot less likely to tell half the playground and all of Facebook.

I suppose as well middle class families are less likely to come into contact with people who might refer them.

We are probably middle class, big detached house, well turned out kids, professional DH, nice things etc.

We have had SS involvement due to my MH, but they've always been quite hands off with us.

I don't think it's a class thing necessarily, more that we are educated, have a great support network and I have good insight. Our house is beautiful and we have nice shiny things. The kids do lots of extra activities and are articulate and settled (mainly). So they come and see us once in a while and are satisfied that things are ok, perhaps in a way that a 'working class' family may not be, shabby house, broken appliances, sparse bedrooms, less support etc. I don't mean that in a disparaging way, I just think that money and lifestyle DOES make a difference to outcomes.

Or maybe it's just ingrained prejudice. It's interesting though.

It hasn't been social services for years yet it is still called that

And yes of course they are!

Yes. Know of one very middle-class, well off family, with police and SS involvement due to domestic violence. You would never know from the #blessed-type FB posts.

What is it called?

I really genuinely have never known SS involvement with middle class families. It would astonish me, I think.

As someone who works in social care I have a family on my caseload who are the traditional establishment middle class (not alternative). This is the exception rather than the rule and families tend to use their social and economic power to get such referrals shut down.

I think there's definitely ingrained prejudice, it's like that old cliche' about the 'posh kids' running around in scruffy hand me downs and the poorer kids being immaculately turned out.

If you are rich/posh/whatever you aren't going to be worried someone's going to think you're not coping because you've dressed your child in a warm but tatty jumper to go get muddy at the park.

such an obsession with class on mumsnet

ahum... A big part of the posters are in the UK, a Monarchy where the aristocracy have immense privileges and own huge chunks of the country. You can chose to ignore the class system in this country, but that won't make it go away! We are obviously not the only country with a class system, but the difference between them can't be made more obvious here.