To wonder if middle class families are ever referred to ss?

[malificent7]

It always seem to be the poor who are referred but middle class naice families can be abusive too.
My family was middle class but my mum had severe mental health issues which affected her parenting (a lot). I gave a few friends who had wealthy parents but were treated very badly.. aibu to wonder if wealth covers up bad situations?

We were referred to ss by my child's school as we were obviously struggling (child has low self esteem, waiting for an autism assessment). I was relieved as was desperate for help, dp was too, but he also worried about what people would think, so we kept it very quiet and apologised for taking up their time.

They met with us a couple of times, chatted to our children and their schools, did an observation of our parenting then discharged us from their caseload. I was disappointed - I didn't enjoy it but appreciated someone else working with us to make things better.

We're still struggling but they felt we were doing our best and able to access help (ha ha, nhs waiting lists and CAMHS where you get bounced from list to list!!)

There isn't a set law on what age you can leave children alone which might be why people think it's fine to leave babies in cars, toddlers in hotel rooms etc. It doesn't mean they are bad parents or need ss, just they've not thought it through perhaps or thought about what might go wrong. Nobody thinks it will happen to them.

Haven't rtft nor do I intend to. I don't know what you mean by middle class. I do know that as a mother of a comfortable, 'well turned out' family, I invited help from them when dd1 was very young.

I started feeling overwhelmed, snapping and shouting at the smallest things. I was terrified. I seen a doctor, who tentatively offered to refer me to a children's charity - I jumped at the help. I got enrolled in some parenting classes.

The course brought up some painful experiences I needed to work through and in turn I got MH support and a Social Worker who visited me and built my confidence up to do a better parenting job that I had experienced as a child. I still text her now and then and she will support and advise me - no idea if this is on the books or as a favour.

Being 'referred' was the best thing that happened me. Being reported only happens when things are going wrong and you havent noticed them or chose not to see them or ask for help.

I think if you are a scumbag you get treated like one and if you try your best you are treated accordingly.

I don't think class has anything to do with that.

FWIW I think the mcCanns situation could have happened to anyone

Anyone who left three very small children alone in a flat with the door open...

Sorry for derailing an interesting thread. I could not let that stand. It wasn't okay. And if you do this, you're not okay.

Gravy it's great to hear that you've had help that has worked for you and your family.

My experience has been as a foster carer. I've had many children here over the years and several have been from very well off families. One was a child who went for a private flying lesson each weekend.

Helsinkimorning were these cases when the parents wouldn't help themselves and improve or had they done something irreparable?

I think bad parents show up in all demographics.

Off the top of my head - one was munchausen by proxy ( know it's not called that any more), one was child out of control due to poor parenting, another to dv issues with the parents.

I hope to do your job when my kids are grown. It's amazing what you do.

I work in a private school and am the lead safeguarding officer.

The answer to your question is yes.

I guess we would fit the middle class label. Both professional legal jobs. But I have been warned that I am likely to be referred to SS because my son has autism and is violent to me. He has younger siblings and a Friend told me as soon as I go on record to Camhs they will have to refer as the younger children are witnessing domestic violence.
I am fearfully waiting for a knock on the door.

I have experience of working with the under 2's with potentially suspicious injuries and across the years only a very small percentage of the children come from the middle/upper classes and those families that do are, in my opinion, treated differently (more favourably) than the lower class families.

Busybee101 I can't recommend enough that you pre-empt that and get started. The support out there is amazing - they will teach you so much to help your whole family cope.

Busybee I have done respite for children who are violent and have autism/Aspergers. There's no stigma to it, in fact one of the families have remained great friends and I would call on the mother to help me if I had a problem now that her children are grown up.

My purely anecdotal evidence would suggest not. A boy with severe weight issues moved into ds1's class, it's an independent school.

When meeting his mum and a few others for lunch recently she openly say it's the best thing she ever did as SS are no longer interested in her ds's weight.

We are not talking a little bit here, the poor lad has a higher desk and chair, specially made uniform and gets out of breath within seconds of standing.

Because of my previous job, I used to be on internet nanny forums. Some of the nannies worked for very rich families. And a couple posted regularly about parents who showed absolutely no care or interest in their young kids at all. These parents had night, day and holiday nannies, and only interacted with the kids at all if their friends happened to be around. They took no interest even in whether their kids were clothed properly. But they used their wealth to pay nannies to basically parent for them.

Sexual abuse of children covers all classes. But unless the child discloses, is I am sure easy to hide if you live in a biggish house.

redannie - dirty uniforms are a massive red flag for SS intervention.
It was on record that my dd arrived at school with a 'filthy' t shirt on her first day in year 7, and that was used against me. I distinctly remember getting it out of the packet and giving it to her to wear...she did have a long trek on a country mini bus and then a school bus so goodness knows what happened on the way...

Of course.

I work in a private school and our safeguarding lead makes many referrals a year - domestic violence, mental health, physical abuse, disability, emotional abuse, duty of care, parents in jail, looked after children etc - just because a family has money doesn't mean things can't be a part of their children's lives. I won't give any details obviously but we've had children with horrendously difficult stories.

I suppose one thing the money does make a difference in is that we have occasionally had children brought into emergency boarding whereas if we weren't a boarding school I suppose it would have to be emergency foster care.

IME, SS can be involved in all sorts of families, but they are most used to dealing with a single mother who is dealing with at least one (more usually two or more) or DV, poverty, uncertain housing situation, family history of abuse or MH issues. SW can be slightly flummoxed dealing with a couple in a stable relationship, with a roof over their heads and steady jobs but where one has MH issues that need support.

I remember seeing a program about a woman with 2 children, 2 nannies and no interest in them beyond as accessories, but who would also fire nannies that her children showed too much attachment to.

Appalling creature.

Threw an adults only cocktail party for her child's fifth or sixth birthday.

Yes they do. I guess we are 'middle class' but our daughter has a social worker as she has an eating disorder and was in inpatient treatment for over a year. They are supposed to be referred once there has been inpatient treatment lasting over 12 weeks. She's lovely and has concerned herself with supporting us in our quest to get our daughter the best treatment possible from her inpatient care and bow camhs. It's odd having a SW (I'm a teacher so used to seeing them for DV or parenting problems etc) but not a biggie. Anything that supports her recovery in any way is most welcome!

interesting Ubiquity . When I had SS involvement we were offered nothing in the way of support or advice, nothing.
It was just as though they were there to condemn me and that was it.

Yes they are. I've referred a middle class family (I referred to our safeguarding officer in school, she referred to children's services), I've never had the need to refer a working class family.

My friend at primary school has social services involvement due to her dad sexually abusing her and her siblings. They were the wealthiest family we knew until this came out, then their dad was removed, ss became involved, they lost their lifestyle and became more working class, but the children were much, much happier.